How to secede as a manager.

TechGromitTechGromit GSEC, GCIH, GREM, Ontario, NY Member Posts: 2,042 ■■■■■■■■□□
How to secede as an Evil manager.



In order to be an effective manager, you need to master the skills to get the lazy workers to perform. Sure they will hate your guts, but as leaders throughout history have learned,” It’s better to be Feared than Loved”.


1. Don’t communicate. This way when something goes wrong, the employee can be take the blame. It’s better they get fired than you.


2. Be narcissist. After all it’s all about you, how your employees’ work reflects on you.



3. Micro-manage your team. You need to have control over every single aspect of their work, after all if they screw up, your boss blames you, however you can use item #1 to shift the blame. This is the most important rule as you manager you need to remember, “Always have someone else to blame”.


4. Play favorites. When you have a favorite employee, other employees will want to be your favorite as well, encourages them to work harder, put in more unpaid overtime as salary employees. This is most effective when you give you favorite employee extra perks like approving all their vacation requests, compliments, and letting them get your coffee in the morning.


5. Use fear as motivation. Times are tough, people need their jobs, use that to as leverage to get more productivity out of your employees. As I said before,” It’s better to be Feared than Loved”.


6. It’s OK to Yell or lose your temper. Helps to instill more fear in your employees.


7. Make sure you take the credit for your employees hard work, after all it was the management of your employees that allowed them to succeed, it’s only fair you should be benefit from your management work. Show them your appreciation to them by not firing them for another week.


8. It’s important to blame the team for failures. There’s no reason you should allow there incompetence to negatively impact you, For serious screw ups, it’s important to single out one of the team members, so they can be terminated, no sense in losing the entire team, it’s easier to break the spirit of one new employee than an entire new team of new employees.



9. Never apologize or admit a mistake. It will make you look weak, and weak leaders sooner or later get lunched by the peasants.


10. It’s important to properly motivate the team. As pointed out before, Fear is the greatest motivator. But fear of employees losing their job only get you so far, what you need to do is slander and blacklist employees to dare to leave you for another company. This way, employees know that they not only risk losing their job, but all hope of getting another job ever again. This greatly helps with turnover as well.



11. Since you such an effective manager, there really no need to do any actual work yourself. That’s why you became a manager in the first place, not to work, but to make other’s do the work for you, just as a king would do.



12. Keep your expectations unrealistic. Sure your employee’s will never meet your expectations, but they will try and you’ll get more work out of them if you set the bar lower. It also gives you an excuse to keep raises and promotions to a minimum.



13. Use humiliation and shame. Use humiliation and shame as an employee motivational tactic — either for him or the rest of the team. Always criticize employees in front of other employees, it will instill fear into them, making them work harder, to avoid being the next to be publically humiliated.



Tune in next week for tips in using your position to get the attention and affections of employees of the oppose gender.
Still searching for the corner in a round room.

Comments

  • scaredoftestsscaredoftests Security +, ITIL Foundation, MPT, EPO, ACAS, HTL behind youMod Posts: 2,781 Mod
    Sorry (my grammar side is showing) SUCCEED!!!! Sounds like last 2 managers I had. LOL
    Never let your fear decide your fate....
  • EANxEANx Member Posts: 1,078 ■■■■■■■■□□
    My first thought on seeing the title was that it was about how to quit.
  • TechGromitTechGromit GSEC, GCIH, GREM, Ontario, NY Member Posts: 2,042 ■■■■■■■■□□
    EANx wrote: »
    My first thought on seeing the title was that it was about how to quit.

    Gives me an idea for another motivational list. "How to quit you job and be remembered". No one remembers the guy who gives two weeks notice and quietly leaves one day, but people will be talking about the guy who defecated on the bosses chair and set fire to the bosses desk for years to come. icon_twisted.gif
    Still searching for the corner in a round room.
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