just for the fun - some helpdesk tickets

zebra-3

just wanted to share with you a few problem description I got from the tickets I receive from the helpdesk.
If you understand something about any of these issues, please let me know.
all the below tickets are genuine, I havent modified a single word from the description, they all are like I received them.


the user is having a mail button and rapport the security details. lotus notus. workstation tools.

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Description: The user is having the following problem the cpu is reflecting none existent.

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Problem :The user needs to work on his PC.

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PROBLEM: the user global print is well install and install imprimante. the message.

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PROBLEM: the keyboard is slow it is only recognised and there is a problem a configuration and it is a logiciel problem, heis unable to type the wanted problem.

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PROBLEM: numbers list and select all and work on the work and create a blue group home. and ibm france and is not able to withdraw. and blue group help

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PROBLEM: The user has a lector CD,and the noise is actually doing funny noise and breaking in different interval time.

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PROBLEM: the user is having of his modem and dial up connection as well as the microphone.

sprkymrk

the user is having a mail button and rapport the security details. lotus notus. workstation tools.
Take away his lotus-notus mail button. He doesn't need it.

Description: The user is having the following problem the cpu is reflecting none existent.
Mount a mirror on his CPU so it will reflect something that does exist.

Problem :The user needs to work on his PC.
Get him a safety harnass so he doesn't fall off.

PROBLEM: the user global print is well install and install imprimante. the message.
If the user global print is well, then what's the problem?

PROBLEM: the keyboard is slow it is only recognised and there is a problem a configuration and it is a logiciel problem, heis unable to type the wanted problem.
Give the guy a turbo charged keyboard and see if it is fast enough for him. That's logiciel, isn't it?

PROBLEM: numbers list and select all and work on the work and create a blue group home. and ibm france and is not able to withdraw. and blue group help
Fly some IBM techs to France to work on the work and build this user a blue group home.

PROBLEM: The user has a lector CD,and the noise is actually doing funny noise and breaking in different interval time.
I think some earplugs and a clock will fix this.

PROBLEM: the user is having of his modem and dial up connection as well as the microphone.
Well he can't have his modem, dial up and microphone too. Tell him to choose 2 out of the 3.



Okay, so I'm not much of a comedian, but those are seriously funny problems. Anyone got some funnier answers? It can't be too hard to top mine...

zebra-3

man you really are a comedian !!! and a good tech too, this is a good problem determination !

eurotrash

jpeezy55

I'm reading this at 8:45 AM -- Thanks for starting my day off with some truly out-loud laughing!!!


I think this was my favorite:

PROBLEM: numbers list and select all and work on the work and create a blue group home. and ibm france and is not able to withdraw. and blue group help
Fly some IBM techs to France to work on the work and build this user a blue group home.

strauchr

No offense but do these guys speak English? And if so makes you wonder how they did their resume, wrote an application letter and actually spoke through the interview.

This is why employers ask for communications skills - obviously harder to find than I thought!

Silver Bullet

That is some good stuff Sprkymrk.

zebra-3

The Helpdesk of my company is based in Johannesbourg South Africa. They support all our EMEA offices

http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/3777/untitled58rl.jpg

I took a print screen from my ticketing system, see it's original stuff !

let me know if you want more of these, I can get you enought to write a book.

strauchr

Then they speak English ok, just bad communication skills.

They are the type of calls I would send back for further explanation.

sprkymrk

Okay, we all know users that can't accurately describe a problem. But how about a "tech"? Check out this link to the "Chronicles of George" for some real fun. Click on the "Jump to Page 1 Link" on the left to read some Help Desk tickets entered by a technician who was as clueless as most users.

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/

strauchr

sprkymrk wrote:

Okay, we all know users that can't accurately describe a problem. But how about a "tech"? Check out this link to the "Chronicles of George" for some real fun. Click on the "Jump to Page 1 Link" on the left to read some Help Desk tickets entered by a technician who was as clueless as most users.

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/

Oh my, that is much to funny.

I'm havening fit and I need to needed stop laughing I start diening

darkuser

when i was a phone tech for a dialup isp many moons ago ...
a woman called who couldn't dial in .

she had two phone lines ....
another tech passed the call to me ....

i had her dial her "access #" .....
her phone in the kitchen rang
she went to answer it in the next room
and said it's beeping .... !!!!

put her on hold ... fell on the floor ....

sprkymrk

darkuser wrote:

when i was a phone tech for a dialup isp many moons ago ...
a woman called who couldn't dial in .

she had two phone lines ....
another tech passed the call to me ....

i had her dial her "access #" .....
her phone in the kitchen rang
she went to answer it in the next room
and said it's beeping .... !!!!

put her on hold ... fell on the floor ....

Send that to Scott Adams, it's a shoe-in for an upcoming Dilbert comic!

rbutturini

One of my users, who is not known for being the most patient woman in the world (kind terms without using the "B" word), called one day, irate that I had "blocked her from listening to music", and used lots of colorful terms to describe me and my IT policies. So I go into her office, opened the door to the CD drive, to discover she had put it in upside down....And this wasn't a CD-R or anything where it could be the least bit confusing, this was an actual CD from a store! She's a bit older, maybe she thought it was like an LP and had two sides...

strauchr

Thats a very effective IT policy to block people from playing CDs. Make them play the other way up!

I hope you made her feel stupid.

I have had numerous calls over my career. A lot about things not being plugged in such as the PC. What I don't understand is how some of these people even get dresed in the morning. I mean its just absoloute pure common sense, nothing technical about it.

You can't turn your PC on - check if its plugged in, its just like your toaster, can't operate without power.

You put a CD in your CD player - you make sure you put it in the right way - similar concept to batteries

Someones e-mail keeps bouncing back - make sure your typing their e-mail address in properly - much in the same way you must make sure you get the address correct on an envelope.

Your monitor has a blank screen - make sure the power is turned before requesting a new one - its like buying a new rplacement TV before trying to turn it on

Printer is not printing - just like a typewriter it needs paper.

Seriously, I should write a book.

zebra-3

here are some other tickets

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PROBLEM: the client's computer hardware is not installed.

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the user is experincing a power supply and is unable to go further with his work.
ak/fr

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The icons does not work and do not function and function my attachement and repository and file are attached to notes and can not detached to repository.

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The user is very slow and wants to recharge it in IP windows

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when she open the page sttlt : on page and she wants to work on customer support care strategies transformation and she wants toinstall the brio application.

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user is having a memory problem. fidele/fr2

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PROBLEM: the application global campus and global and have a training Rational Application Developer V6 - Développement de JSP et de servlets

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NOTES 6.the user is calling in order to know privatise the mail and apparently she does not have the same toolbar as the others.

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new documents are replicate and view to all documents and needs to replicate she sees her mail on view and all documents.

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the problem is the following is all tools-version. distribution red hat. system of explotation.tools IBM. WHAT IS THE ADDRESS TO GO TH RED HAT. since it is on lynux familly and it is an operating system.

sprkymrk

Okay, by popular request, here is my last shot at being a comedian. Now you know why I don't quit my day job!


PROBLEM: the client's computer hardware is not installed.
Looks like common sense and communication skills are not installed in whoever wrote this ticket.

the user is experincing a power supply and is unable to go further with his work.
Too much caffine and sugar. I experience the same thing sometimes, just give it a few minutes and drink lots of water.

The icons does not work and do not function and function my attachement and repository and file are attached to notes and can not detached to repository.
Sounds like he is saying he can't go to the bathroom. Try more fiber in the diet. And read the newspaper instaed of your notes in the bathroom. You can throw it away when you're done.

The user is very slow and wants to recharge it in IP windows
Try more caffine and sugar. That should speed him up.

when she open the page sttlt : on page and she wants to work on customer support care strategies transformation and she wants toinstall the brio application.
Try the page tsstl instead of sttlt. I think that's where the customer care startegies transformation are stored.

user is having a memory problem. fidele/fr2
Try Ginkgo - it is used mainly to enhance memory. It is thought to improve blood flow to both the heart and brain.

PROBLEM: the application global campus and global and have a training Rational Application Developer V6 - Développement de JSP et de servlets
Ich habe keine Idee, was diese bedeutet.
Spricht jemand hier Deutsches?

NOTES 6.the user is calling in order to know privatise the mail and apparently she does not have the same toolbar as the others.
I think UPS and FedEx are both privatised mail delivery services.

new documents are replicate and view to all documents and needs to replicate she sees her mail on view and all documents.
No problem. Just fix are replicate to view all documents and no more needs to mail view all documents.

the problem is the following is all tools-version. distribution red hat. system of explotation.tools IBM. WHAT IS THE ADDRESS TO GO TH RED HAT. since it is on lynux familly and it is an operating system.
You can buy a red hat at just about any store on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. Otherwise try JCPenny or Sears.

jpeezy55

Well Sprkymrk, you did it again!!! Only 8:12 AM and you had me laughing out loud in my office...hope no one thinks I am losing it!



I have to post my favorite from this group:

the user is experincing a power supply and is unable to go further with his work.
Too much caffine and sugar. I experience the same thing sometimes, just give it a few minutes and drink lots of water.


Don't quit you day job, but keep an eye out for "open-mike night" at the Improv!

zebra-3

well done again Sprkymrk !!!!!

I have shared your troubleshooting advices with my colleagues, you are a star now! I am sending now your comments to our quality specialists to see if they'll have a good laugh as well

sprkymrk

Thanks - I am glad that if I can't fix it, at least I can be entertaining.

imfrom51

This one just came in.
I need help with my computer – its gone crazy.

rbutturini

I just HAVE to add one more:

A co-worker of mine (who's ALMOST as disgruntled as I am) got a call one day from a frantic customer. Here's how it went:

Customer: "We've been hacked...I was just sitting here and my email just scrolled down about 20 messages. Someone is in my machine! Please shut down our system now!!!"

Co-worker: "Is something sitting on the keyboard?"

Customer (after a lengthy pause): "that's what it was. Thanks."

the resulting support ticket:
"Diagnosed grevious security breach as an errant notebook placement".

zebra-3

rbutturini wrote:

I just HAVE to add one more:

A co-worker of mine (who's ALMOST as disgruntled as I am) got a call one day from a frantic customer. Here's how it went:

Customer: "We've been hacked...I was just sitting here and my email just scrolled down about 20 messages. Someone is in my machine! Please shut down our system now!!!"

Co-worker: "Is something sitting on the keyboard?"

Customer (after a lengthy pause): "that's what it was. Thanks."

the resulting support ticket:
"Diagnosed grevious security breach as an errant notebook placement".

I wander what my guys in south africa would have done if they had take the call...

any ideas SprkyMkr ?

zebra-3

these 2 new tickets just came in

Description:The user needs a new configuration ofthe lotus notes. ak/fr1
ak/fr1
Problem :the user wants a total new configuration of lotus notes.
Step 1: *PD Template*
User Name:
Phone:

and this one

Problem:the user needs to connect to WEFE and ip address is private and does not start with 9. he also need a digital certificate.


one of these guys from helpdesk has put this in his jobtitle

"Senior Coustomer Service Associate"

sprkymrk

zebra-3 wrote:

rbutturini wrote:

I just HAVE to add one more:

A co-worker of mine (who's ALMOST as disgruntled as I am) got a call one day from a frantic customer. Here's how it went:

Customer: "We've been hacked...I was just sitting here and my email just scrolled down about 20 messages. Someone is in my machine! Please shut down our system now!!!"

Co-worker: "Is something sitting on the keyboard?"

Customer (after a lengthy pause): "that's what it was. Thanks."

the resulting support ticket:
"Diagnosed grevious security breach as an errant notebook placement".

I wander what my guys in south africa would have done if they had take the call...

any ideas SprkyMkr ?

Ticket entered by South African computer tech:

User needs email needs scrolling hack to inside computer is inside hack.

zebra-3

User needs email needs scrolling hack to inside computer is inside hack.

yeah that would be my guys all right

jim_stasz

We had someone call into our internal help desk with a possible hack issue. In Word, every time she typed the word "the" Word would replace it with the phrase "my gold fish's name is Fred". It turns out someone went into her AutoCorrect function and put this in the Replace Text As You Type screen.

sprkymrk

jim_stasz wrote:

We had someone call into our internal help desk with a possible hack issue. In Word, every time she typed the word "the" Word would replace it with the phrase "my gold fish's name is Fred". It turns out someone went into her AutoCorrect function and put this in the Replace Text As You Type screen.

Hey, that's a good one.... Might have to try it. :P

I also like messing with fellow techs - using computer management connect to their machine, then go to properties/advanced/environment variables.. Add a new one called prompt (if I remember correctly) and type something like "C:\> Format C: in progress, deleting files...". Next time they run a cmd window, that text replaces the default C:\> prompt. It's just a prompt, but watch how freaked out they get!

jescab

Now that is a good one to play on fellow techies.......where do we find it...

garv221

Almost all of those "George" requests start with "She"

jescab

hey SPRKY - I did this and he freaked. LMAO LMAO...I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants. LMAO