Have you ever seen this much BS!? (I won a contest!)

dynamik

Ok, so I got an email from Train Signal one night about some contest they were having. It was something pretty generic, just what you like about IT, what your thoughts on it are, etc. There were a few different options, and I don't remember the exact wording. Anyway, I was sick of studying, so I thought I'd have some fun with it. And yes, alcohol was involved.

I wrote:

For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamed about being in the IT field. I have been using computers since I was a young child, but my obsession for technology didn’t fully bloom until I was in high school. My freshman year, I was starting quarterback on the varsity football team, and I could bench-press 350 pounds. I thought I had everything going for me. However, something was off. I could sense it as I walked down the halls. People would smile and adore me, but it seemed disingenuous.

One day, I peeked out of a classroom to see what was really going on. I was shocked and horrified at what I saw. Everyone was congregating around them, the nerds and the geeks. Their skills were unparalleled. I could pick up a dozen computers simultaneously and carry them from room to room, but they could make dozens, maybe even hundreds of computers communicate through a network of cables. I couldn’t even grasp the concept at the time.

Was it magic? I was determined to find out. I started by bullying them ruthlessly, but they were resilient and resisted my best efforts. I tried to make amends and have them teach me their ways, but they said I was hopeless. I can’t really fault them for thinking so. The spacebar was the only key my fat fingers could press without mashing down all the adjacent ones as well. Then and there, I told myself that IT wasn’t for me, and that I had no future there. However, I could never get it fully out of my mind.

Things only got worse once I was in college. These guys weren’t the amateurs from high school; they seemed like pros. They knew how to unlock iPhones and acquire the latest albums before they were even released. Some could even eavesdrop on other users’ wireless traffic. What kind of Voodoo was that!? All I could do was watch from the sidelines. The fame, the women, I wanted it! I was overcome with jealousy.

Regardless, I stuck by my resolution. I continued with athletics and went on to quarterback my college team as well. I achieved a decent level of success and popularity. I dated all the cheerleaders, sometimes taking three or four out at the same time. They always seemed eager to go, but once on the date, they often had a vacant, distant look in their eyes. I knew who they were really thinking about. I hate to admit it, but similar things were on my mind as well.

I put up a brave front. I tried to ignore what was happening to me. I would watch basketball recaps on Sports Center, but I was really converting the scores to binary in my head. I went to the bookstore to get the latest Sports Illustrated, but Windows IT Pro always caught my eye. Well, I couldn’t see it because it was obstructed by a popsicle-stick craft magazine, but I knew it was there. I fantasized about being on the cover, being one of the few people in the world to possess those elite skills! People would roll out the red carpet no matter where I went. The thought was just to tantalizing to let go!

The sad part was that I knew even the college kids were small-fries in the grand scheme of things. The true IT professionals are the ones that we never see, the ones working busily behind the scenes. They facilitate the transportation of millions of people’s thoughts, ideas, and emotions every second. Without them, websites like YouTube, MySpace, and I Can Has Cheezburger? would not exist. They have dramatically changed the course of the world, and that realization, in turn, changed my life forever. I diverged from the path I had followed for years, and started working towards a career in IT.

I have dedicated my entire being to this pursuit. My muscles have all withered away. My skin is nearly translucent from the lack of sunlight. Without a wheeled chair or Segue, I’m literally immobile. What more could I possible give? I have nothing left to sacrifice. I feel as if I’m almost there; it can’t be much longer before my dream is fulfilled…

Unfortunately, it wasn't good enough for the top three essays, which were the big prizes, but they said it was close, so they gave me a free set of my choice, up to $200, as a runner-up.

I probably could have got that $5k prize if I would have put equal effort into a serious one

Oh well, I'm either beyond most of their videos or own the others anyway. I went with their Sharepoint set since I'd like to get better acquainted with that. The CCNP set is the only other thing I'd be interested in, but I'm not going to head down that road for quite a while.

Be sure to check out http://forums.trainsignal.com and http://trainsignaltraining.com for Train Signal products and information.

JDMurray

Will TS be publishing the top three essays? I'll bet they all have a strong thread of how post-education training products have greatly increased their career opportunities and enhanced their lives. That particular flavor is missing from your essay.

LarryDaMan

Brilliant. Funny as hell, it read like something I would write. We must share a similar sense of humor. I would have given you 1st place!

The funny thing is, what if they thought you were serious? Or, what if you were serious?...

cbigbrick

Did Danielle Steele write that????


HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA

NetAdmin2436

Good story

BeaverC32

LOL...what the hell is "I Can Has Cheezburger"?

That was actually very entertaining

dynamik

larrydaman wrote:

The funny thing is, what if they thought you were serious? Or, what if you were serious?...

When I emailed it in, I said I forgot about the deadline and didn't have time to do a serious one. I thought it was pretty obvious that it was a joke, but I did make it clear. I certainly wasn't expecting the response I got.

BeaverC32 wrote:

LOL...what the hell is "I Can Has Cheezburger"?

It's a collection of "lolcat" pictures: http://icanhascheezburger.com/

KGhaleon

*slow clap*

Amazing

undomiel

My wife's an icanhascheezburger.com addict. She thinks the kitties are sooooooo cute and wants to take them all home.

Nice job winning the booby prize!

vCole

undomiel wrote:

My wife's an icanhascheezburger.com addict. She thinks the kitties are sooooooo cute and wants to take them all home.

When my girlfriend comes over she just looks at me and says "kitties?!" which means, go to icanhascheezburger.com

sprkymrk

You had me going until the "3-4 cheerleaders at a time" part. Very entertaining dynamik.

snadam

I think you need to submit this to "The Oinon" that was a good read. Ill pass this along my peers!

TST - Kasia

Hi Andrew,

I was one of the judges for this contest and I have to say I loved your essay! As did a few other judges who read it. I'm really sorry you didn't win the grand prize, you're a great writer.

We did know that you weren't being serious because you said that in your email, but some of the judges just felt that they liked the other essays more.


I did want to tell you that we will be having another contest very soon (actually tommorow) and I encourage you to participate!

This time it will much less involved, so you won't need a ton of time to write a whole essay

You'll still have a chance to win our Complete Training Library PLUS a Sony Notebook PC, X-Box 360, iPod touch, an LCD TV, external hard drives, digital cameras, and lots of other cool stuff.

Make sure to visit http://www.trainsignaltraining.com/ in the next few days for all the details.

And good luck to you!

Kasia
Train Signal Training

networker050184

That was very good dynamik. Looks like you have some fans over at Train Signal. Maybe your next career move could be writing training material!

I know a lot of people enjoy a little humor in there study material.

LarryDaMan

Andrew! Andrew! Andrew!

You must train like Rocky did for Drago in order to win this next contest.

Instead of punching hanging meat, you will punch equipment racks...

Instead of climbing steps, you will use your feet to wheel around in your office chair...

ADRIAN!!!!!

Mmartin_47

Pimpin man. 3 to 4 cheerleaders. Good job haha.

sprkymrk

TST - Kasia wrote:

Hi Andrew,

I was one of the judges for this contest and I have to say I loved your essay! As did a few other judges who read it. I'm really sorry you didn't win the grand prize, you're a great writer.

We did know that you weren't being serious because you said that in your email, but some of the judges just felt that they liked the other essays more.


I did want to tell you that we will be having another contest very soon (actually tommorow) and I encourage you to participate!

This time it will much less involved, so you won't need a ton of time to write a whole essay

You'll still have a chance to win our Complete Training Library PLUS a Sony Notebook PC, X-Box 360, iPod touch, an LCD TV, external hard drives, digital cameras, and lots of other cool stuff.

Make sure to visit http://www.trainsignaltraining.com/ in the next few days for all the details.

And good luck to you!

Kasia
Train Signal Training

Aha! Thanks for the heads-up on the contest Kasia. I hope you get several participants from TE members. I personally have a few of your products which I find very helpful in studying for cetifications.

Anyway, just wanted to "bump" this topic as those are some great prizes being offered, and it would be a nice way for TE folks to show our appreiciation for Train Signal's support of this site as a long-time advertiser.

gojericho0

hilarious you would have had my vote for grand prize