Asking the father for permission...

jamesp1983

Hey guys, after much thought I have decided to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Do you guys think I should talk to her dad or is that an outdated tradition? We are both 25. If so, how should I do it?

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Comments

jrmeulemans

Awesome man, do it.

dynamik

I did. It went over very well. I just waited until we were alone one day and said I was thinking about asking her to marry me, and if that would be ok (it was phrased better, but that's essentially what it came down to).

You could always not throw your life away and not get married

BeaverC32

It is old fashioned, but I still think it is the right thing to do. It will mean a lot to the father...do it!

And good luck

undomiel

Here's my vote cast for asking the father for permission. I wanted to do that when I got married but circumstances dictated otherwise.

HeroPsycho

Be safe and do it. Some still consider it highly offensive if you don't.

jamesp1983

Okay, then I will! Thanks guys!

jamesp1983

dynamik wrote:

You could always not throw your life away and not get married

I've been hearing this a lot lately haha.

vCole

jimmypizzle83 wrote:

dynamik wrote:

You could always not throw your life away and not get married

I've been hearing this a lot lately haha.

me too

networker050184

Good luck!

And one more vote for asking. I asked my wife's father and he seemed to really like the fact that I did.

Bokeh

I was told over the weekend by the gf's mom ... "if and when you decide to ask our daughter to get married, you have our blessing."

Nothing like putting the pressure on, lol.

mikej412

Sure, it's always nice to get in good with the future father and mother-in-law.

And if he says no, there's always Plan B -- elope.

blargoe

Do it.

In my case I never even met her father until about a year after I married her. Piece of crap didn't even come to the wedding.

paintb4707

jimmypizzle83 wrote:

Hey guys, after much thought I have decided to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Do you guys think I should talk to her dad or is that an outdated tradition? We are both 25. If so, how should I do it?

Read Allow

Write Denied

Sorry, had to do it.

gojericho0

Ask the father. It shows good respect. When I got married, it was harder to ask him than her lol

vCole

networker050184 wrote:

Good luck!

And one more vote for asking. I asked my wife's father and he seemed to really like the fact that I did.

My fiancee's dad always said he'd love to have me as a daughter-in-law.

My mother told my fiancee she'd be honored to have Christiane as a daughter-in-law.

So it was a win win!

phantasm

Another vote for asking. My father-in-law is one of the coolest guys I know. I pulled him aside and talked with him for a few minutes and all is well. We've become good friends and hunting buddies. Nothing like going into the woods with your FIL and a gun to let ya know how the man feels about you!! lol.

Old fashioned, yes, but I would hope that if I have a daughter than her husband to be would ask me first.

loxleynew

FadeToBright wrote:

networker050184 wrote:

Good luck!

And one more vote for asking. I asked my wife's father and he seemed to really like the fact that I did.

My fiancee's dad always said he'd love to have me as a daughter-in-law.

My mother told my fiancee she'd be honored to have Christiane as a daughter-in-law.

So it was a win win!

So is you are a female and married another female? No disrespect if that's the case I have friends like that lol. Just wondering maybe i'm tired and read it wrong.

Mrock4

When I asked, it was a very straightforward "this is how I feel, I want your permission" way. He really appreciated it. Don't beat around the bush. I'm sure it will go well.

nel

Ask the father first for sure...and if he says no ask her anyway!

haha.

When i get round to it in a few year i'll ask the mother in law first (parents are seperated) then i'll ask her dad out of respect - dont think his ever liked me but all the rest of the family love me! ha. so read into it what you will

think its more of a case im seeing his daughter!

blargoe

loxleynew wrote:

FadeToBright wrote:

networker050184 wrote:

Good luck!

And one more vote for asking. I asked my wife's father and he seemed to really like the fact that I did.

My fiancee's dad always said he'd love to have me as a daughter-in-law.

My mother told my fiancee she'd be honored to have Christiane as a daughter-in-law.

So it was a win win!

So is you are a female and married another female? No disrespect if that's the case I have friends like that lol. Just wondering maybe i'm tired and read it wrong.

I caught that too... I always thought networker was a dude maybe I was wrong

deadpool287

blargoe wrote:

loxleynew wrote:

FadeToBright wrote:

networker050184 wrote:

Good luck!

And one more vote for asking. I asked my wife's father and he seemed to really like the fact that I did.

My fiancee's dad always said he'd love to have me as a daughter-in-law.

My mother told my fiancee she'd be honored to have Christiane as a daughter-in-law.

So it was a win win!

So is you are a female and married another female? No disrespect if that's the case I have friends like that lol. Just wondering maybe i'm tired and read it wrong.

I caught that too... I always thought networker was a dude maybe I was wrong

networker050184

I am a dude (married to a chick).

FadeToBright is a chick engaged to a chick. Didn't you guys see her engagement thread?

blargoe

Yeah, I got that crossed up, saw your name in the the quote and just associated you with the entire post. User error.

deadpool287

vCole

loxleynew wrote:

FadeToBright wrote:

networker050184 wrote:

Good luck!

And one more vote for asking. I asked my wife's father and he seemed to really like the fact that I did.

My fiancee's dad always said he'd love to have me as a daughter-in-law.

My mother told my fiancee she'd be honored to have Christiane as a daughter-in-law.

So it was a win win!

So is you are a female and married another female? No disrespect if that's the case I have friends like that lol. Just wondering maybe i'm tired and read it wrong.

Yes.

http://techexams.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=40954

94jedi

jimmypizzle83 wrote:

Hey guys, after much thought I have decided to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Do you guys think I should talk to her dad or is that an outdated tradition? We are both 25. If so, how should I do it?

absolutely do it. would you want to be asked for your daughters hand in marriage? I'd think the kid was puss if he didn't have the ballz to ask me.

ladiesman217

Doing it is probably the best advise but I'd like to say it would depend on the circumstances. My father in-law is a lawyer and my wife is their only daughter and I got her pregnant at 18.

He's a gun enthusiast who always have a 1911 on his side. I want to do it that time but I'm afraid his answer might be a loud "bang!". If you think it's 'safe to talk with the father then do it.

congrats on the upcoming marriage!

skrpune

From a female perspective, my opinion is that it's kinda insulting to the woman being asked. I'm not an uber-feminist or anything, but I just think that the father doesn't really have anything to do with it and I think that it's the woman's choice to accept the proposal, not her father's choice to allow it or 'bless' it. Plus I probably would have been ticked off if my dad knew I was getting proposed to beforehand!

My husband didn't ask my father and my brother in law didn't either, and it didn't cause any friction in my family at all. My parents however did wish that we had gotten married years earlier though - we were "living in sin" for a few years before we got engaged. In the first year or so we were living together, my mom even said to me, "You know you could just go to Vegas or something to get married and we can throw you a party later..."

However, all that being said...if it's a very very traditional family and if it would cause issues or future friction with the in-laws, then it might be advisable to ask for dad's blessing. Have you talked marriage at all with your girlfriend, has a topic like this come up? One thing I think you need to ask yourself is: Do you think she'd think it was cute & sweet that you asked her father, or do you think that it would be weird that he knew (and probably her mother and maybe some other family members too) before she did? Not trying to be a downer, just trying to get ya thinking about what might be best for your particular situation.

Either way you decide, congrats on taking the plunge!!

jamesp1983

I actually did it last night. I pulled him aside for about 45 minutes. I started out by telling him I love his daughter, want to marry her, and was hoping that he'd give us his blessing. He did and then we spoke for awhile about my career, housing, etc. Thanks for your advice everyone. He was really impressed. Later that night he told my girlfriend that he has truly been blessed and feels like his Christmas started early because of the day's events.

blargoe

That's really cool.