No more computers

Excellent1

Kam-

I totally respect the honesty in your post. Some here appear to have missed the fact that you were already aware of your health not being ideal, which is why you included it in your post. You obviously don't need me or anyone else to point out that you need to work on this area of your life because you've already identified that as a problem.

All I will say is that I've appreciated reading your posts over the months (I've lurked for quite some time), and I hope you feel better soon. I think you're a good person, but that you just need to find some balance in your life. In the same way that a fan with a missing blade will in time destroy itself, a life without balance tends to fall apart. This happens not because there is anything wrong with the other blades on the fan, but because what is missing/damaged inevitably affects the whole.

I can certainly speak to living such a life myself, so I wish you the best in recovering your peace of mind and sense of happiness in life.

To my well intentioned comrades: sometimes when you're down in life, you don't need a numbered list of what you should be doing, but just a simple, "we're here for you, and we hope you feel better soon". Just offereing a different perspective--we're all trying to help, so that's my take on it.

Ahriakin

chrisone wrote: »

A healthier body can maintain and deal with stress, period. A healthy body improves a healthy mentality/mood. The body and mind interact with each other.

@Ahriakin , i am not saying it is the only factor of his problems here. There are several facts one needs to outline here.

1. His health is in bad shape, 240 at 5'7 is not good.
2. All jobs/careers/professions have stress.
3. You will not run away from stress at work, perhaps lighten it up at a different company.
4. His bad health did not come from a profession. It came from a dedicated lifestyle that was not helping his condition. This could have happened with any profession, blaming it on a career choice is no excuse.
5. not wanting to exercise in your mid 30's to mid 40s is a lazy excuse. I dont mean to offend.
6. I.T. is not the ultimate hell hole where we are constantly working late hours.
7. Plenty of us find the time to be with family, personal time, and have just the same amount if not more work or stress levels.
8. The stronger and healthier you are , you will be able to maintain a positive attitude and outlook in life, regardless of how stressful your job/profession is. In the end his body has no idea why it is stressing out, only his mind.His body is reacting to the stress, for example his heart cannot think about the upcoming project at work lol If his body were healthy it could deal with the pressures regardless of where the stresses of life may come.

Sorry if i seem a little harsh but excuses of "my work schedule, age, or life routine" does not cut it for not being healthy. Another excuse of saying it was the career that i chose is why my life sucks is another lame excuse. you dont have to lift weights or goto the gym every night to be healthy. You can eat better, exercise here and there and be in very good shape. 2 to 3 hours out of 24x7= (168 ) hour week is nothing. If i sound mean just use that as a motivational tool because i believe we are all smart enough here to get up off our butts and be healthier! dont blame I.T.

@Mojo, going to the gym and transforming your life and health is not an easy process and cannot be done over night. I did not mention stopping smoking and drinking overnight. I am only addressing you cause you state that in your post after quoting me. I wasnt sure if you were aiming at me or not lol If i mis-read your post, i apologize.

You do realise that you have basically stated that your priorities are correct, and those that don't agree are delusional or plain lazy - despite the amount of disclaimers you have inserted to claim otherwise (which is your subconscious trying to warn you). The same mentality can be applied to anything. 'You do not do or have not achieved what I deem to be important, there are no excuses, so therefore you are lazy'. I could reply in the same vein, but it would be offensive even with a similar multitude of disclaimers. More importantly it's going way off topic (and yes, though you may not believe so, it is), apologies Kaminsky, I'll get off my own soap box here

za3bour

A healthier body can maintain and deal with stress

I totally agree with this, I'm 32 never drink or smoke and I workout 3-4 days a week and honestly I feel I'm 20.

Yes all jobs are stressful but our job is one of the most stressful ones and I believe that a bad life style will add to this stress and eventually link to a breakdown.

I don't wanna be in IT field for a long time I'm planning to quit someday and do the thing I really like (Sports) but that's not happening soon so until this time I need to keep my health and keep some money as well that's crucial if you wanna change your job because the income obviously will not be the same.

Taking a break is a good idea and also changing your lifestyle especially the smoking/drinking section. I hate to give advices on such things but sine you've mentioned it as a problem then I'm sure you will not mind if we advice you about it.

You've had a great career so far and what you need is some tweaks, a long break and a good fresh start and I'm sure you will do just fine. Good Luck

Turgon

Kaminsky wrote: »

It's going to be weird but after 17 years and getting to data centre comms manager for Fujitsu data centres in the UK, I have had enough of the constant struggling and the stress of implementation teams beating on you to get things done.

Tonight on the way home I thought I was having a heart attack doing 70 mph on a 4 lane motorway. Seems it was just a stress attack as it calmed down and I was just left on the side of the road shaking for half an hour.

I am absolutely not warding you off IT. It's great fun (and even more fun the further away you get from actual users - I got so far away I didn't even speak to entire companies) and I have gone far from my humble help desk beginings. It's not the be all and end all though.

Managers will have you push that little bit more and little bit more. After 17 years, I'm exausted by it all. I know I am a married man with 3 kids under 10 and expected to just handle it but there has to be more to life than this. If I carry on like this, my kids will be burying me before they have even reached their teens and the mrs will slim down finally and cop off with some young studd and all I have done will be for nothing. screw that.

Photography or cooking. Certainly not car mechaninc, shop assistant, the leasure industry or anything where you have to say sir or madam. (that's punching in the face territory as far as I am concerned after being in the army years ago).

I'm not sure which yet and seeing as they all pay sh.t and I have no savings, the road ahead isn't going to be easy. I just can't bear to take one more government network design and work it out physically and then try to explain what I am on about to designers and project managers on 3 times what I am getting paid. I moved into my house 5 years ago and I still can't afford carpet upstairs or in the kids bedrooms.

When I was just starting out, my network manager lost the plot big time on the way to an interview and dissapeared leaving his wife and 6 year old daughter alone. They found him 6 weeks later in a doss house in bristol. He didn't know his name or how he got there. They only identified and reunited him through the label on his angina tablets bottle label. I am not going down that road.

I've dismantled my lab (3725, 3725, 1841, 1841, 2651xm, 3550 emi, 3550 emi, 2950t, 2950t, 1721 maxed, 1721 maxed) and tomorrow morning they go in the skip. (stop bleeting) All the ccna, ccnp books go as well as notes. Directories deleted. All gone.

Maybe I can go from a 17 stone (240 pound) 5 ft 7in, smoking and drinking every night "top of the line" techie to a normal person before I die even if I am gonna be broke forever now.

A sort of heart attack at 70 mph in the middle of a 4 lane motorway is someone on high tapping you on the shoulder saying sort your F*****g life out!

Been a blast guys. Loved helping you young uns out. You're going to have fun but keep a weather eye on yourself.

I personally, can't do this anymore.

It's tough at the top. If anyone wonders why it's taking me so long to finish my CCIE studies then they should read your post. Everything we do takes out of the pot we have got. Some people will say well go get yourself a bigger pot. That's easier said than done particularly at this level where you have a whole slew of competing demands for your time and no little politics to deal with daily. I can relate. This is a critical time for you now and props for having the cajones to be so open about it on the forum as it's a useful insight for those coming up the ranks. One of the things I have learned is that you do have to push back on work sometimes or you literally will get run over. Do that skilfully and you can still be well thought of. You deliver better results in the long run and lead a healthier happier life. I advise you speak to your boss and take out some stress holiday entitlement first. Get out of the job for a bit and reconnect with your family and yourself.

So far as the company are concerned I know Fujitsu quite well and I would have thought there are various sidelines you might be able to move into that would give you the change you need. You shouldn't throw into the can the experience you already have. I have done it all. I have worked all the support jobs from helpdesk to 4th line. I have done IT Manager. I have done Project Manager. I have done Network Designer and the last year Network Architect. This industry is versatile and there are many openings if you look for them.

You are still quite young, so I would really use the rest of this year to refuel in terms of winding down your stress levels slowly, getting a little fitter, spending time with your family, and for the short term at least getting out of that data centre environment. Your employer may work something out so you can take time out now and return later on a parttime basis while you help them recruit and you find something else there or elsewhere you can move into. I think you are permanent so go for every entitlement you have going for you in terms of support for this. Do not leave Fujitsu. Talk to your line manager and HR and go and see a doctor and get a certificate to sign off work. They are a big company and are geared to help employees with this.

Contrast that with my lot when contracting for 7 years, I had no support to invoke when I needed a break. No holiday pay, no stress councelling. Nada. To make up for the shortfall of all the permanent benefits you had to keep working to get the money in and make it worth your while, but it takes it's toll. I'm now permanent and have signed up to all sorts of benefits that the company provides that makes me feel a lot more secure on the health, illness and death cover basis. They pay for it and I can cancel the expensive personal protection plans now. Use whatever you have going for you.

Devilsbane

za3bour wrote: »

I totally agree with this, I'm 32 never drink or smoke and I workout 3-4 days a week and honestly I feel I'm 20.

I'm 21, drink occasionally, never smoke, and workout several times a week (sometimes all 7, sometimes only 2 or 3) and sometimes I feel like I'm 32!

Another thing that I don't think we touched here is sleep. There is a HUGE difference between sleeping 5 hours per night (or even less for some people) vs sleeping 7 or 8. Those extra hours of sleep are probably more important than those hours at the gym. (This is one of my current enemies, I need to put the book down and go to bed more.)

Of course, the best would be to combine all of these. Cut down / eliminate smoking, cut down / eliminate drinking, grabbing a few extra hours of sleep, and making a couple trips to the gym each week or even just going for a 20-30 minute walk around your neighborhood. You don't need to spend 6 hours running on a treadmill and pumping iron to be healthy, a simple walk each night can do wonders (and if you take that special someone, it could strengthen your relationship which could also bring stress levels down. Or it could be a chance to do some family bonding with your children (if you have them). I remember years ago going on a few bike rides with my parents, a good time was had by all.

Turgon

Devilsbane wrote: »

I'm 21, drink occasionally, never smoke, and workout several times a week (sometimes all 7, sometimes only 2 or 3) and sometimes I feel like I'm 32!

Another thing that I don't think we touched here is sleep. There is a HUGE difference between sleeping 5 hours per night (or even less for some people) vs sleeping 7 or 8. Those extra hours of sleep are probably more important than those hours at the gym. (This is one of my current enemies, I need to put the book down and go to bed more.)

Of course, the best would be to combine all of these. Cut down / eliminate smoking, cut down / eliminate drinking, grabbing a few extra hours of sleep, and making a couple trips to the gym each week or even just going for a 20-30 minute walk around your neighborhood. You don't need to spend 6 hours running on a treadmill and pumping iron to be healthy, a simple walk each night can do wonders (and if you take that special someone, it could strengthen your relationship which could also bring stress levels down. Or it could be a chance to do some family bonding with your children (if you have them). I remember years ago going on a few bike rides with my parents, a good time was had by all.

Yup. That's why after 9pm when I finally sit down I spend time with my wife and get some rest. Doing labs until 1am midweek would screw up my sleep and screw up my performance at work next day. Rest *is* training and it makes you happy.

chrisone

@Za3bour im 29 workout 3 to 4 times a week, i do the parenting thing too, study for certs, and I am a network engineer. I too feel like im 20......ok 25 more or less hahaha

@Devilsbane, i think we see eye to eye here, in that we do not need to pump iron or be at the gym everyday to be healthy. I was trying to preach that concept as well.

@Ahriakin, your right i guess i got alittle over-excited. I put the disclaimers because i tend to get a little over enthusiastic when i am trying to motivate someone into a healthier lifestyle. Bad habbit i know....

@Kam, i hope i was able to provide some motivation or input on helping your situation, i think many of us here tried to explain our own little worlds a bit so you can better judge what is best for you. Didnt mean to get off track or if i sounded harsh at times, i was just trying to motivate you

msteinhilber

I fully agree with the working out and overall just eating better and treating your body better, it really goes a long ways to help so many aspects of ones life both physically and mentally.

I've been at a similar point myself just recently, confused and upset about my career and life direction in general. In the past year I've lost my marriage, lost having my son around all the time and resorted to a couple days a week, lost my house and started renting again, and through all of this I knew basically nobody in my area that I could go chill out and hang out with during the hard times as all of the people we had done things with when we did were her friends of acquaintances. On top of that I was already in a work environment that was toxic to say the very least and it has remained largely the same.

One day through all of this, on a particularly stressful/depressed feeling morning I was showering and felt my heart start to race incredibly fast, feet and lower legs started to turn blue, got very cold, short of breath and overall was pretty well scared wondering WTF was going on. Turns out it was PVST (no, not per vlan spanning tree - paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia) which is rarely dangerous and mostly unpleasant. The doctors all said it's not caused by stress but I beg to differ as it only showed itself during the most stressful point ever in my life. Needless to say, despite it not being really dangerous it woke me up big time and I started to get back onto a more regular workout routine.

I'm still dealing with my own life issues and it is somewhat of an up and down battle with my overall mood and motivation but I can say there is certainly a marked difference on the days I'm able to fit in a workout in the morning. The effect lasts pretty much the entire day for me, I just feel more energized and less stressed for the day and find myself able to think more clearly and getting to sleep at night is a lot easier as well.

Regardless of where you take your career, your mind and body will certainly thank you and help you achieve greater success in whatever it is you decide to do.

Asif Dasl

Kaminsky wrote: »

It's great fun (and even more fun the further away you get from actual users - I got so far away I didn't even speak to entire companies) and I have gone far from my humble help desk beginings.

I would second the training idea, if you go with training you don't deal with users and deal with techies who want you to share your knowledge. Less stress for sure also.

I would recommend the two other items below also, the Dale Carnegie book is a classic yet so many people I know have heard of it but never listened to it. Your first task is to listen to that - it will help you enormously right now. Secondly you should get a copy of Jim Rohn off eBay.co.uk or his website. I have never heard of so much insightful common sense about life packed in to 4 hours as you hear with Jim Rohn. It will put so many aspects of your life in to perspective, you'll probably watch it a second or a third time.

Dale Carnegie - How to Stop Worrying and Start Living Audiobook
Jim Rohn - How to Have Your Best Year Ever DVD

Hope they help.

loxleynew

In everything I read in the OP the one thing that struck me was that you seem out of shape and are drinking and smoking every day. That will lead to many panic attacks and eventual heart attacks in any job....

Honestly you and everyone needs to eat healthier and cut the drinking to social times only if ever and smoking to zero. You say you want to be there for your family but what good does drinking and smoking (mainly this) and I'm guessing eating horrible (5'7 and 240lbs) do good for your family when you have a heart attack anyways?

It all starts with stress relief and one of the biggest ways to do that is to eat healthier. Secondly another way is to have lots of hobbies on the side to take your mind off of the work. Don't just go home and lab and study every night, you will go insane. Go outside to the gym or go fly a kite or whatever it is you like to do. I guarantee if you start a workout regime and eat healthy that will help 50% of the way. Quiting your job to pursue cooking (not good idea) and photography (lack of money) is not good. It will only cause MORE stress as your family needs money and you have little to no savings. You are working on the symptoms right now, but you need to work on the root of the problem. Your health.

Sorry to be so blunt but it's true from what I read.

Devilsbane

loxleynew wrote: »

Quiting your job to pursue cooking (not good idea) and photography (lack of money) is not good. It will only cause MORE stress as your family needs money and you have little to no savings.

Ever seen Hells Kitchen? And you think cooking will be less stressful than IT? There is a lot of stress to prepare meals correctly and to have them ready at the same time.

skyline

loxleynew wrote: »

Quiting your job to pursue cooking (not good idea) and photography (lack of money) is not good. It will only cause MORE stress as your family needs money and you have little to no savings..

Just because one person finds something particular stressful doesn't mean its a stressful job/situtation. What stress's one person to the point of pulling their hair out, may completely relax another.

za3bour

chrisone wrote: »

@Za3bour im 29 workout 3 to 4 times a week, i do the parenting thing too, study for certs, and I am a network engineer. I too feel like im 20......ok 25 more or less hahaha

Me too I'm a father for a wonderful 2 years old girl

za3bour

Devilsbane wrote: »

I'm 21, drink occasionally, never smoke, and workout several times a week (sometimes all 7, sometimes only 2 or 3) and sometimes I feel like I'm 32!

Another thing that I don't think we touched here is sleep. There is a HUGE difference between sleeping 5 hours per night (or even less for some people) vs sleeping 7 or 8. Those extra hours of sleep are probably more important than those hours at the gym. (This is one of my current enemies, I need to put the book down and go to bed more.)

Of course, the best would be to combine all of these. Cut down / eliminate smoking, cut down / eliminate drinking, grabbing a few extra hours of sleep, and making a couple trips to the gym each week or even just going for a 20-30 minute walk around your neighborhood. You don't need to spend 6 hours running on a treadmill and pumping iron to be healthy, a simple walk each night can do wonders (and if you take that special someone, it could strengthen your relationship which could also bring stress levels down. Or it could be a chance to do some family bonding with your children (if you have them). I remember years ago going on a few bike rides with my parents, a good time was had by all.

Sure by working out it doesn't have to be 2 hours full of every thing, even walking for 20-30 minutes few times a week has been confirmed that will help your body a lot.

I gotta add too that I rarely east junk food, me and my wife loves to cook and it's a joy for us to cook and eat.

Sure I don't feel 20s all the time sometimes I feel 60 but overall I do feel young and happy although I don't make as much money as I should but for me happiness comes from many way (including money).

za3bour

Devilsbane wrote: »

Ever seen Hells Kitchen? And you think cooking will be less stressful than IT? There is a lot of stress to prepare meals correctly and to have them ready at the same time.

Being an executive chief I think is even more stressful than IT job

Essendon

Guys, I hope the stress hasnt really got to Kam. He hasnt made a post since he created this thread. Pax vobiscum, Kam.

phantasm

Essendon wrote: »

Guys, I hope the stress hasnt really got to Kam. He hasnt made a post since he created this thread. Pax vobiscum, Kam.

I checked his profile this morning as well, hasn't posted over the past 48hrs. I wish him the best in whatever he decides.

za3bour

phantasm wrote: »

I checked his profile this morning as well, hasn't posted over the past 48hrs. I wish him the best in whatever he decides.

Maybe he did take a vacation as per our advice. I hope he did.

iceman2010

Dear Kam,

my brother pointed my out the url to your post. I think the reason is that he see that we have something in common.

I have been in the IT for about 15 years +. I am ambitious and have always taken the work in front of everything.

Around 2004 I started building my own company (with two others) with financial support from yet others that carried 52% of the company and had some restrictions that would be released after three years. After 2 years and 10 months they stole the company, holding us in financial crisis for all the time, having the contract and so on.

After spending three years of almost 24/7 work, believing that I was building my own company and would get some goal after few years I got stress attack, driving home after going home on Wednesday ....after being in work from 9am on Monday. I'm not sure how long time it took, but it hit me.

In that time I was working a lot, came home and started working from the home office. I was also smoking a lot, and the beer drinking increased.

The work was always number one. I did envy my colleague for that they could go home at 5 pm when I had lot of projects that was pending on me, and I had to work all evening.

After the stress attack I changed job. For few months I was smooth. Almost worked just 9-5 but had to find something else to do, I was addictid to the job, or I was to effective and toke the flow.

My first child was born in 2003, when my wife was giving birth to our sone, I was in the other room on the chift and working... and I was still in the same gear when our daughter was born in 2007.

After 2004 I started drinking beer on a daily basis. To relax and help me sleep.The amount of beers increased. This had turning into a nightmare, and I was not known of that, because I was busy, working. Before the birth of my daughter 2007 I promissed my wife that I would stop the drinking, but I couldn't. Just drinking few beers every night (increasing) and working.

Eighteen months ago, after driving the prinsess to kindergarten I was stopped by the police. They found some alcahole in my blood and I missed my driver license for 1 year.

I went to vacation, and after a good chat with my wife I went to a rehab. I was not happy about it, because it's for sissy's I thought. It toke me a while to accept this with myselfe.

Life is much better today without beers, more control and stuff. Next thing is to quit smoking.

I often get overloaded in the work know days, I have make up with myselfe that I cant solve the worlds problems. I have to look to my family and myselfe first of all.

And I fully understand your comment about project managers, they prefer to be in GOLF than in the action with us and want to get paid double.

I'm sorry about my poorly english.

Kam, you can do it!

phoeneous

Ahriakin wrote: »

The issue is not that you're in IT, it's that you are driven to achieve.

Agreed.

Life is too unpredictable to trip over the drama and bs. If it's not working out, go somewhere else. With 17 years under your belt I'm sure you can find something quickly. If it were up to me, I'd either be a florist or a poolman.

P.S. Don't trash your lab gear, there are plenty of guys on this forum that could use it.

mikedisd2

iceman2010 wrote: »

Life is much better today without beers, more control and stuff. Next thing is to quit smoking.

Good to hear about your self improvement. Really, the only person who can fix your circumstances is you and it will only come about naturally. Just hopefully not too late.

varelg

phoeneous wrote: »

... I'd either be a florist or a poolman.

I just spoke to a florist- turned- IT last week
The guy has a degree for florist, pursued his IT hobby, started his own IT courses business and got a sysadmin job but gave it all up few years ago in favor of... painting and crafting souvenirs.

phoeneous

varelg wrote: »

I just spoke to a florist- turned- IT last week
The guy has a degree for florist, pursued his IT hobby, started his own IT courses business and got a sysadmin job but gave it all up few years ago in favor of... painting and crafting souvenirs.

Awesome

Kaminsky

Thanks for the posts guys. Really nice of you.

Signed off for a week to "chill out" by my GP but I know I can't go back there which has put my boss in a predicament seeing as I was doing two people's jobs and there is no replacement. Going to try to convince the boss to look for alternative work for me. (Something from home with a pay rise and a company car would be nice) As someone said, this is the beauty of getting in a corporate. The HR mechanism is huge and your boss has no choice but to look after you. hmm. we'll see. I still think I could do a lot for this company. I've already saved them millions and put in new integration processes that will chop hundreds of man hours off every new installation from now on. I just can't do anything more for them in the place I am at.


Giving the lab to a friend was surprisingly refreshing. (his face was a picture... his wife's wasn't mwuahahaha ... my wife had this odd smile on her face the whole time! ) Not such a wrench as I thought considering how much it has beat me up over the years. Shelf of books has gone too. God I hated those things.


As for the gym, my knees got knackered in the army years ago. I tried a few years ago but after a few months the front and back tendons in one knee all ripped when doing some digging in the garden and I was limping for a year. I bought a guitar a few years ago but never got around to try and learn how to play it. I'm going to see if my little fat fingers can get into that without disturbing the neighbours too much. If they complain, I'll threaten to take up bagpipes instead. I took a trip back to my home town for a funeral. Wow that was theraputic. All the old stories and things that happened from families that have known me since I was eight. Hopeing to get my young family down there to meet all the old ones I grew up with. Their kids are about the same age as mine. Thing about really old friends and families is that they know you for who you really are and not what you think you have become.

Funny how you go down a road and bit by bit, you slowly lose all the luggage you hoped to bring along with you. When you get there and all your luggage has somehow been mislaid, you wonder, if you can't get to your destination with what you wanted to bring along, was the trip worth it? Sure you made the trip, but there is only you there! Everything you hoped to have when you got there is long gone.

(think I need a lie down after that sentance)

Hyper-Me

Things must be way different in the UK.

If i told my boss i didnt want to do my job anymore, so he should find me something i can do from home while giving me a car and a raise he would laugh in my face while writing up my pink slip.

Kaminsky

Hyper-Me wrote: »

Things must be way different in the UK.

If i told my boss i didnt want to do my job anymore, so he should find me something i can do from home while giving me a car and a raise he would laugh in my face while writing up my pink slip.

Not really. That's exactly what my couterpart got when he left and I ended up doing all his work as well as my own. The senior guys that have been doing that job for years have been trying to get me to go join them as they are the ones asking me questions when they get stuck... As I said. We'll see.

If all else fails, I am having a little bet with myself, how quickly I can get all 5 McDonald stars...

earweed

I'm hoping you can wrangle some kind of sweet deal out of this. If you've been doing 2 peoples job then your boss is to blame for your stress level. With your knowledge and the work you've put in you deserve better than what you've had lately.

Turgon

Kaminsky wrote: »

Thanks for the posts guys. Really nice of you.

Signed off for a week to "chill out" by my GP but I know I can't go back there which has put my boss in a predicament seeing as I was doing two people's jobs and there is no replacement. Going to try to convince the boss to look for alternative work for me. (Something from home with a pay rise and a company car would be nice) As someone said, this is the beauty of getting in a corporate. The HR mechanism is huge and your boss has no choice but to look after you. hmm. we'll see. I still think I could do a lot for this company. I've already saved them millions and put in new integration processes that will chop hundreds of man hours off every new installation from now on. I just can't do anything more for them in the place I am at.


Giving the lab to a friend was surprisingly refreshing. (his face was a picture... his wife's wasn't mwuahahaha ... my wife had this odd smile on her face the whole time! ) Not such a wrench as I thought considering how much it has beat me up over the years. Shelf of books has gone too. God I hated those things.


As for the gym, my knees got knackered in the army years ago. I tried a few years ago but after a few months the front and back tendons in one knee all ripped when doing some digging in the garden and I was limping for a year. I bought a guitar a few years ago but never got around to try and learn how to play it. I'm going to see if my little fat fingers can get into that without disturbing the neighbours too much. If they complain, I'll threaten to take up bagpipes instead. I took a trip back to my home town for a funeral. Wow that was theraputic. All the old stories and things that happened from families that have known me since I was eight. Hopeing to get my young family down there to meet all the old ones I grew up with. Their kids are about the same age as mine. Thing about really old friends and families is that they know you for who you really are and not what you think you have become.

Funny how you go down a road and bit by bit, you slowly lose all the luggage you hoped to bring along with you. When you get there and all your luggage has somehow been mislaid, you wonder, if you can't get to your destination with what you wanted to bring along, was the trip worth it? Sure you made the trip, but there is only you there! Everything you hoped to have when you got there is long gone.

(think I need a lie down after that sentance)

I recommended you go to HR. Lots of people take too much on and corporates are geared to help you with this. Talk to them frankly and take all the help you are entitled to. They should be able to work out a part time return to work deal while you get better. Consider moving into project management or joining the design team. Lots of people move into project management once they are done with the technical hassles. Get out of operations though. Far too much hassle and there is no money in it. Operations jobs are always on the radar for offshore or redundancy and increasingly seen as a cost and adding no value.

Turgon

Kaminsky wrote: »

It's going to be weird but after 17 years and getting to data centre comms manager for Fujitsu data centres in the UK, I have had enough of the constant struggling and the stress of implementation teams beating on you to get things done.

Tonight on the way home I thought I was having a heart attack doing 70 mph on a 4 lane motorway. Seems it was just a stress attack as it calmed down and I was just left on the side of the road shaking for half an hour.

I am absolutely not warding you off IT. It's great fun (and even more fun the further away you get from actual users - I got so far away I didn't even speak to entire companies) and I have gone far from my humble help desk beginings. It's not the be all and end all though.

Managers will have you push that little bit more and little bit more. After 17 years, I'm exausted by it all. I know I am a married man with 3 kids under 10 and expected to just handle it but there has to be more to life than this. If I carry on like this, my kids will be burying me before they have even reached their teens and the mrs will slim down finally and cop off with some young studd and all I have done will be for nothing. screw that.

Photography or cooking. Certainly not car mechaninc, shop assistant, the leasure industry or anything where you have to say sir or madam. (that's punching in the face territory as far as I am concerned after being in the army years ago).

I'm not sure which yet and seeing as they all pay sh.t and I have no savings, the road ahead isn't going to be easy. I just can't bear to take one more government network design and work it out physically and then try to explain what I am on about to designers and project managers on 3 times what I am getting paid. I moved into my house 5 years ago and I still can't afford carpet upstairs or in the kids bedrooms.

When I was just starting out, my network manager lost the plot big time on the way to an interview and dissapeared leaving his wife and 6 year old daughter alone. They found him 6 weeks later in a doss house in bristol. He didn't know his name or how he got there. They only identified and reunited him through the label on his angina tablets bottle label. I am not going down that road.

I've dismantled my lab (3725, 3725, 1841, 1841, 2651xm, 3550 emi, 3550 emi, 2950t, 2950t, 1721 maxed, 1721 maxed) and tomorrow morning they go in the skip. (stop bleeting) All the ccna, ccnp books go as well as notes. Directories deleted. All gone.

Maybe I can go from a 17 stone (240 pound) 5 ft 7in, smoking and drinking every night "top of the line" techie to a normal person before I die even if I am gonna be broke forever now.

A sort of heart attack at 70 mph in the middle of a 4 lane motorway is someone on high tapping you on the shoulder saying sort your F*****g life out!

Been a blast guys. Loved helping you young uns out. You're going to have fun but keep a weather eye on yourself.

I personally, can't do this anymore.

Bump. Its been over a year now. What are you up to these days? I hope things worked out for you Kam.

UnixGuy

A shout out to Kaminsky, where are you man?