Dealing with the opposite sex at work

shodown

For the people here that work with attractive women, what are some of your TIPS on dealing with it. I've been use to only seeing a bunch of IT guys or working from home. Recently I've been going on site and I notice them and they notice me. It wasn't a big deal until I worked with this one woman now she always sends me emails or is Im'ing me, and her tone is a little to open when we have phone conversations. Keep in mind I just got married last year so I wonder if marriage has anything to do with it.

Turgon

shodown wrote: »

For the people here that work with attractive women, what are some of your TIPS on dealing with it. I've been use to only seeing a bunch of IT guys or working from home. Recently I've been going on site and I notice them and they notice me. It wasn't a big deal until I worked with this one woman now she always sends me emails or is Im'ing me, and her tone is a little to open when we have phone conversations. Keep in mind I just got married last year so I wonder if marriage has anything to do with it.

Never shag a woman you work with.

shodown

I'm not she's married, but I was reading the post with the guy who had other type of work problems, so I was wondering about these type of work problems. She's married BTW, but it seems as if she isn't happy.

networker050184

Same way you deal with anyone else. Let them know its inappropriate. If they don't stop go to HR. The last thing you want is someone to overhear this and then its your job on the line.

shodown

I'm at a provider right now so I'm always with new clients, we usually are kinda encouraged to be "friendly" with clients, but some people just love the attention they get from you. This particular person is not a problem, but I've ran into a few of these issues over the past 6 months of women who seem to be a tad bit needy for there phone problems and want to spill there life to you.

cyberguypr

Just give her my number.

Everyone

networker050184 wrote: »

Same way you deal with anyone else. Let them know its inappropriate. If they don't stop go to HR. The last thing you want is someone to overhear this and then its your job on the line.

^^ This. Being the "e-mail guy" I have seen this a lot throughout my career, and if I see it, I have to report it to keep myself out of trouble. People can be really stupid, using their work e-mail to setup meetings to **** on their spouses, often with other people within the company. I've even caught people doing it (as in having sex) at work, in their offices, during business hours.

I had a woman I helped with an issue try to come on to me constantly, I'd just start talking about my wife and kids every time she did until she finally got the hint and stopped.

Turgon

shodown wrote: »

I'm not she's married, but I was reading the post with the guy who had other type of work problems, so I was wondering about these type of work problems. She's married BTW, but it seems as if she isn't happy.

Avoid unhappy married women at work. Don't get involved at work. Find a playmate who doesn't work with you. Best.

fredmoogie

do a hit-n-run..works for me

Turgon

shodown wrote: »

I'm at a provider right now so I'm always with new clients, we usually are kinda encouraged to be "friendly" with clients, but some people just love the attention they get from you. This particular person is not a problem, but I've ran into a few of these issues over the past 6 months of women who seem to be a tad bit needy for there phone problems and want to spill there life to you.

Be friendly, professional, but not that friendly. Don't dip your wick at work unless you are going to get married to the lady, and even then be very discrete. People talk and can create issues for you. A liason can end up finished and a worry for you in the office stakes. Run away. There will be many takers in the office for needy women, or men for that matter. Let them take the attendent risks with their perception at work and their career.

Tackle

Lol @ Dip your wick.

Send her my way if she's too much to handle. You know how us IT guys get lonely.

shodown

oh yeah I'm already married which makes this weirder.

Raidersfan81

So who is exactly married in this situation???

Post 1 states "Keep in mind I just got married"
Post 3 states "I'm not married shes married"
Post 12 states "I'm already married which makes things weirder"

jmritenour

Just be professional, courteous, and deflect everything.

Personally, I don't get too chummy with any of my co-workers, especially not females. Even if there's absolutely nothing going on, and you're just friends, people talk, and get the wrong idea.

I like my work life to be as drama free as possible - and for me, that means keeping a low profile. I'm here to work - not socialize.

Tackle

briandy81 wrote: »

So who is exactly married in this situation???

Post 1 states "Keep in mind I just got married"
Post 3 states "I'm not married shes married"
Post 12 states "I'm already married which makes things weirder"

Post 3 was in respone to "Never shag a woman you work with." He's married and so is she.

TLeTourneau

briandy81 wrote: »

So who is exactly married in this situation???

Post 1 states "Keep in mind I just got married"
Post 3 states "I'm not married shes married"
Post 12 states "I'm already married which makes things weirder"

You mis-quoted post 3, it's "I'm not she's married, but I was reading..." which was a direct reply to post 2 "Never shag a woman you work with.". So they are both married.

Turgon

LucasMN wrote: »

Post 3 was in respone to "Never shag a woman you work with." He's married and so is she.

It doesn't matter who is a married. Never shag a woman you work with. Honestly, it's the best policy!

kriscamaro68

briandy81 wrote: »

So who is exactly married in this situation???

Post 1 states "Keep in mind I just got married"
Post 3 states "I'm not married shes married"
Post 12 states "I'm already married which makes things weirder"

Post 3 says: "I am not she is married"

The "I am not" part is in response to Turgon's state ment about not shagging a person you work with. I think.

The "She is married" is also a response to the same statement implying that because she is married that nothing would happen.

The OP is married.

CodeBlox

Cold showers, lots of em!

Turgon

Or just go home and bang one out. One makes better decisions on these matters this way. Avoid affairs in the office, stick to bits and bytes. Have affairs outside the office

shodown

Im not going to do this, I'm not even interested. I was just wondering how do people situations like this when they happen to them. Women get advances all the time, but I was wondering how do men handle them.

the_Grinch

Running into this problem myself.....not to the extent that any flirting is going on, but I can see where you're coming from. Good part is I'm not married and plan to keep it that way

bigdogz

I have run into the same situation at times with some major hotties who were married when I was single and then again when I got married.
If in doubt just remember:
1) Don't eat where you sh@# !
2) Never **** on my spouse !
3) How would she (my wife) act if she was with me at the time.

It keeps things really simple. Maybe just a smile and brush it off. When you are married some women may just want to have a fling or two and know if you are married you are not committed to the relationship.
Even if the both of you are single someone will get hurt. In the end you could lose your job because someone has a sexual harassment case against you.
I think with the IT folks here you may want to remember what happens to computers who communicate to the internet without protection. What could happen to you if you physically communicated to a number of "host"?. Not everyone can just reload an ISO back on themselves and be good to go.

Turgon

shodown wrote: »

Im not going to do this, I'm not even interested. I was just wondering how do people situations like this when they happen to them. Women get advances all the time, but I was wondering how do men handle them.

A bit of flirting is actually quite healthy. Just play the game a little but dont get involved either physically or emotionally. These are all lessons in life my friend!

demonfurbie

just ask yourself is she worth finding a new job

Plantwiz

bigdogz wrote: »

I have run into the same situation at times with some major hotties who were married when I was single and then again when I got married.
If in doubt just remember:
1) Don't eat where you sh@# !
2) Never **** on my spouse !
3) How would she (my wife) act if she was with me at the time.

It keeps things really simple. Maybe just a smile and brush it off. When you are married some women may just want to have a fling or two and know if you are married you are not committed to the relationship.///

Yep.


@shodown,
If you are married, why do you think this woman is hitting on you? Turn your "I'm available sign' off and simply keep it professional. There are always people you run into in the workplace who you connect with (professionally). Some take it a bit further. But I never quite understood why either party would let this happen? Certainly, working in the same environement there are naturally things you have in common, but did you marry your spouse to work with them? (heck no)

I don't see why there cannot be good relationships between male and female co-workers without the male thinking there needs to be more? In some cases, the woman wants more. But be honest. Be loyal to your spouse. And be responsible for any actions you participate in that turn out poorly.

Just because a cute guy or girl says something nice or fun doesn't mean there is somethine else tied to it.

Plantwiz

Turgon wrote: »

A bit of flirting is actually quite healthy. Just play the game a little but dont get involved either physically or emotionally. These are all lessons in life my friend!

Yep, I agree with this.

There doesn't have to be more than words tied to this...if both parties are having fun without hurting anyone, what's the problem? I've worked in several different environement, and in some environements what would be considered as basic as a 'hello' would be sexual harrassment at another. Just depends on the people involved. Touching is a whole different level, but words (though powerful) with the right people just make the day go better.

arwes

There was a married woman here that always wore low cut blouses and my predecessor fell prey to her LOL. If I can't remote into a workstation to fix it from my office, I make sure to prop the door open if it's a female's office. She would try calling me just to make small talk, and I'd let her roll over to voice mail. Guess she was trying to go 2 for 2! Her record ended at 1/1 when she was laid off a year or so back. But yeah as others have said, don't dip your pen in the company ink.

Turgon

Plantwiz wrote: »

Yep, I agree with this.

There doesn't have to be more than words tied to this...if both parties are having fun without hurting anyone, what's the problem? I've worked in several different environement, and in some environements what would be considered as basic as a 'hello' would be sexual harrassment at another. Just depends on the people involved. Touching is a whole different level, but words (though powerful) with the right people just make the day go better.

We usually agree. As to the OP, if the perceived approach by the hottie leaves you confused then try the cold shower or 'bang one out' method after work. Then have a think about things. Strategy will be clearer then!

Attractive people. Damn!

Tackle

I've been a homewrecker before, it's not something I'm proud of. Stay away, far far away.

Turgon

Totally OT but there is a marvellous documentary on Simon and Garfunkel on BBC 4 right now. If you can get it tune in. It has nothing to do with this thread but Im off to watch it. Have a great weekend!