Drinking with co-workers

ClapDemCheeks

Where i work, management likes to setup "events" where everyone goes to a bar and drink. Now i don't drink, so how do i tell them that i will not participate because i dont drink. Will i be seen as a loser?

Roguetadhg

Not everyone goes to the bar to drink. I used to go to dance, hangout, listen to some music. Just relax. I don't know, I just say give me a coke on the rocks, after I take a shot of whiskey (It's just one of those days, sometimes).

I'm sure they won't care what you order.

Ivanjam

As Roguetadhg says - just go along for the hell of it... Now, if you have a problem with entering the actual bar, that's a different kettle of fish.

DevilWAH

If you like your co workers company go along have a coke and chat. I dont drink much these days and probable 8 out of ten times I go in a bar i don't drink alcohol. maybe suggest that your not a big drinker if they are all going out and getting wasted, and suggest you go for a meal first and then they can go of drinking after and you can go home or you may find other people dont really drink and those who want to drink will go to the bar and the rest do some thing else.

Of course if you just don't get along with them at all that's a different issue, do you just not want to drink with them? or not want to spend any time with them at all socially?

ClapDemCheeks

I dont drink at all. So it seems pointless to go to a bar if i dont drink, no?

joehalford01

Sometimes you have to just tell people you don't drink and order yourself a water at the bar. People will always give you hell at first but after a while, they come to accept it and they are just happy you can hang out even if you're not drinking.

paul78

ClapDemCheeks wrote: »

I dont drink at all. So it seems pointless to go to a bar if i dont drink, no?

I am assuming that your management is arranging these events as an effort to foster a sense of camaraderie and building relations among the team - and not just encouraging alcoholism.

Going to a bar/restaurant isn't just for drinking, it's a place to gather outside of work and a means for socializing. If you don't drink alcohol, just order water, soda, juice, etc. I usually order a seltzer with cranberry juice if I'm not in the mood to have a drink.

If however, you do not wish to step foot into a bar, then just politely decline. Or offer/suggest an alternative venue. It's not a big deal. I've worked with ex-alcoholics and non-drinkers (for religious reasons) in the past and usually if we are to go out, we would accommodate by going someplace other than a bar instead. Usually just a restaurant or one other time, we went bowling on a Friday night.

DevilWAH

One of the best co workers I worked with never drank, but he still came out with us to the pub for lunch and after work for a "drink", he would order his coke or juice and chat and join in.

after offering him a drink once, him asking for a coke and telling us he didn't drink it was left at that. No one questioned his choice or tried to get him to drink. And once we new he did not drink and was prepared to come to pubs with us and accept we did drink, we insured that we did things that did not involved drinking to.

if you simple turn you back then people will assume you don't want to be social and wont think to include you.

you have three choices

1: don't go say nothing and risk ebing left out.
2: talk to the manager and explain you don't drink but tell them you would like to get involved and could the organise a meal or other event you would attend.
3: go along, don't drink but show you are accepting there choice and after would suggest some other activites the group could do that you would also enjoy.

MickQ

ClapDemCheeks wrote: »

I dont drink at all. So it seems pointless to go to a bar if i dont drink, no?

You don't drink water? I'm Irish (cue stereotype) and I drink water/coke/juice/non-alco beer when I'm driving, or don't want alcohol. Unless of course you have some personal reason for simply not entering bars rather than just drinking, I don't see what'd be wrong with going with something non-alcoholic.

lunchbox67

I have been going to bars most all my adult life ... yet I have also never drank an alcoholic beverage ... imagine that ...

sratakhin

Lol You avatar looks like you drink a lot

nel

dude, these events are a great way to bond and get to know co-workers so get down to the bar! You dont have to drink, you wont be classed as a "loser" as you say. Drink a coke or two but just get down to bond, play a few games of pool etc.

vanquish23

Last time I checked your company cannot force you to go out with them. Last time I checked some companies and there HR rules frown upon discussing social events at work.

If they ask and you tell them "no thank you" and try to hold it against you at work, then I would consult with HR and tell them your being harassed. If it were me, I would not go to HR, I would kindly tell them off (words held back because of these forums.)

cyberguypr

DevilWAH's suggestions sum it up. I used to have a similar dilemma with bowling events. For me bowling is one of those things that I absolutely can't stand. When my previous company came up with bowling events I did go a few times. As expected, I was miserable so I stopped going. Life is short. If you don't want to try something, that's cool. If you give it a shot and still don't like it, that's cool too. Don't feel obligated to do anything.

SteveLord

I'd go anywhere for the social experience outside of the office.A nd I actually go out more with my wife's co-workers than my own. Most of the people in my office are a bunch of duds that prefer to let someone else arrange everything and usually end up not showing anyway. My office lacks decision makers. Even deciding where to go for lunch is a chore.

the_Grinch

Management doesn't officially sanction our Happy Hours, but we do them almost every month. I like it because it actually brings out people from various departments who I wouldn't talk to unless they were having a problem. One guy in my office doesn't drink and no one harps on him about it. He usually doesn't come out, but he did come out for my birthday about two weeks ago. He got food and just talked with us as we drank. No one will make fun of you considering everyone is an adult. Back in the day, if someone was drinking we'd make fun of them, but they were friends. You get to a point where the fun of it just runs out and ultimately I think people would respect that you don't drink. I find it to be a great way to socialize and make new friends in the office, so go out and have whatever drink you like.

Roguetadhg

Once you get to 21, it's all down hill.

Anyways, if you go you might hookup with that cutie from accounting. No? It was a goal for me! Giggity.

Everyone

There's always a need for a designated driver. Getting one or more of your co-workers home safely when THEY have had too much to drink is always a good thing.

the_Grinch

Roguetadhg wrote: »

Once you get to 21, it's all down hill.

Anyways, if you go you might hookup with that cutie from accounting. No? It was a goal for me! Giggity.

LOL oh the stories I could tell

Hypntick

My work occasionally does outings like this, I politely decline and I normally get crap for it. I do drink, I just don't feel comfortable drinking around co-workers. I've gone bowling, we've done paintball, had various lunches etc. I'm just not down for drinking around them, or seeing them drink. Call me crazy.

ptilsen

Go and order water or soda or something. It's not like they only serve liquor, and most bars serve food as well.

If you really want to get popular, offer to be the designated driver. No one will ever give you crap for not drinking if you're the DD.

I don't think bowling is comparable. Going to a bowling alley and not bowling is really lame. The point is to bowl. Bars are meant to be a social outing. The point is to be social -- not necessarily to get drunk.

DevilWAH

ptilsen wrote: »

If you really want to get popular, offer to be the designated driver. No one will ever give you crap for not drinking if you're the DD.

now that is a fine idea, I more often than not drive any way as I am not close to work and its hard to get back by taxi or train, so they know now that if they ask early there will be space in my car for them to fall in to at the end of the night

rsutton

I organize an event about once a month and a few of my employees do not drink but they do come along and socialize. If an employee told me they were not comfortable stepping in to a bar, I would at least occasionally organize events that were alcohol free. My point is to let the person organizing these events know. Telling them that you want to be part of the outings but that you are not comfortable in a bar would show good team spirit and maybe cause them to organize something outside of a bar.

KenC

ClapDemCheeks wrote: »

Now i don't drink, so how do i tell them that i will not participate because i dont drink.

Is this really about not drinking, or more about socializing (or rather not wanting to socialize) with co-workers?

the_Grinch

I always liked a little alcohol being involved. Our department is considered very stiff and literally only three of us come out, with two of us being regular about it. At the end of the night I am always amazed at the number of people who come up to me and are like "wow you are a lot of fun." Plus, being coworkers, there is never a shortage of things to talk about. The other side of it is you get a chance to truly know your peers. People here will often bring their significant others and it is always fun to meet them.

VAHokie56

don't...drink...?


Bwhaaaaaaat?


Nah kidding we do stuff like this all the time and some of our team members don't drink. It doesn't change anything we are just out kicking back having a good time in a non-work environment. My advice is go have a good time, you will be happy you did.

networker050184

If the bar makes you that uncomfortable maybe you can suggest some other ideas. A game of bowling or Dave and Buster's perhaps. People can still get their drinks but it's not a purely drinking environment.

msteinhilber

Last time I was out drinking with co-workers my boss drove me home and picked me up the following morning to take my horribly hungover half-dead body to get my car so we could start our day at the office. The first half of that day was spent talking with other co-workers trying to remember how I ended up with a large deep gash on my elbow which to the best of our abilities we believe came about after me and another co-worker thought it would be a cool idea to have some playful sparring/wrestling out on the bars concrete patio with wire patio furniture. Yea, I don't drink with co-workers anymore - everybody here likes to have too much crazy fun.

the_Grinch

I went to a concert with a coworker and her brother. We had a room so we crashed after. The following morning I woke up covered in blood and no one knows what exactly happened. Large gash over my eye, a concussion, bloody nose, and a black eye. Made for a good laugh at the office the following week.

Bokeh

So, you were the poster child for the Irish Rover's "Wasn't that a party" song?

The Irish Rovers - Wasn't That a Party? Lyrics

the_Grinch

LOL basically, though I maintain that I didn't drink that much ha