Do you guys ever build "personal" relationships with co-workers?

CodeBlox

Do you guys ever talk much about your personal lives with your fellow co-workers or do you guys keep it strictly business?

DevilWAH

well I married one of the users, so I am not sure if that counts. Not a direct co-worker.

I also dated a co-worker when I was working as a scientist, and still very good friends.

I think you just have to be sensible. While I would not discuss things with co-workers I do not have a friendship with, over time I have developed friendships with many people I work with and we meet up out side of work, take the kids to the zoo together. Leave the wives looking after the kids while we pop down the pub...

I do take more time to let my guard down with co-workers though. you have to be aware that people talk, and there are some things I don't want common knowledge at work. But I would never rule out a friendship just because I work with some one.

YuckTheFankees

I usually have a number of people at work I can call a friend, not just a co-worker.

paul78

I never seldom discuss personal matter with coworkers unless it's the usual platitudes like what you did this weekend. But even then, I keep it pretty superficial. But that's not to say that I haven't built friendships with professional colleagues. With those actual friends - yes - absolutely we discuss our personal lives.

I don't think this is really any different than any other environment.

ThePawofRizzo

I'm on a team of 5 network admins, and would consider three of them friends. One of them I've worked with at two other jobs, and known for about 15 years, and we're pretty close, hanging outside of work, etc. The other two are new to our team, and although I've not seen them outside of work - save for lunch - they are definitely team players with similar work ethics, helpful, etc. so I could see myself hanging with them outside of work in the future.

I suppose if I were working toward some type of management role, I might be a bit more cautious about work friendships...at least with direct team members...because sometimes it can cause issues. However, I plan on just staying on the techie side, so no need to be that cautious.

Iristheangel

I go out drinking with coworkers after work sometimes (never to excess). I have two coworkers on my FB and hang out with them outside of work. I can see those two coworkers becoming EXTREMELY close friends in the future. I am selective but sure... I am around these people for 50+ hours of the week so there is bound to be some people you really get along with if you work at a large company. I never talk about my relationship, sexuality or personal business at work though. I don't want to be blocked because someone has some pre-existing prejudices

Nemowolf

I am marrying one of my users from a previous job so i would say i get friendly with coworkers

With as much time as i spend with my help desk team and supporting staff, there isnt much room to not be friendly and get to know one another. That being said, i have had some odd birds and down right attitude insert adult language here folks. I make a few points in building these relationships and let them know up front: 1, never talk politics, religion, or kiss and tell 2, i never add anyone to social media sites except for linkedin while they are coworkers 3, i never press for info so don't pry when i don't want to talk about something personal.

I have had some current coworkers get upset because i refused to add them in facebook. Once i explained why i was doing it they settle down knowing its not just them personally but everyone in the office. This keeps drama to a minimum and just in case i put some crass or insensitive, no one is the wiser until I don't work there any more.

Xyro

I keep it "strictly business". Work is work & personal is personal.

ptilsen

I don't really have a philosophy on this, but I haven't many people at many jobs I like enough to keep in touch with. I have a handful of former co-workers on Facebook, but really no one I'd call a friend. There were a couple fellow engineers I got along pretty well with, but enough to actually spend time with socially out of work? Probably not. Working next to someone for ~40 hours a week is plenty of time to talk about work and not work.

IMO there's no fundamental problem with having personal relationships (romantic or otherwise) with co-workers, but obviously one must be careful with such things. Letting work and personal blend too much can be a problem, and a spoiled relationship or even failed attempt at hitting on someone can lead to serious problems.

All that being said, I tend to have a strong policy of not Facebooking with current co-workers. They have to find me and if I'm not pretty friendly with them I don't accept, simple as that.

CodeBlox

Since a few of you mentioned it, would you date anyone who worked in the same office space as yourself? This does not include the users.

Iristheangel

I made that mistake once. It was hot and great and then it ended with a lot of unresolved feelings. It wasn't like there was drama at work but it was hard to see her every day. I ended up quitting because of it. I realize my experience could have ended better or worse but I just won't risk it anymore

Xyro

CodeBlox wrote: »

Since a few of you mentioned it, would you date anyone who worked in the same office space as yourself? This does not include the users.

Absolutely not

SteveLord

I usually keep it limited to talk during lunch for a few minutes in passing. Outside of the office, my co-workers are old and those who aren't are largely unsocial and boring. And I am the one with 4 young children in this small office. I spend more time/have a better time with my wife's co-workers. Even though they're also mostly married and have kids the same age, they're still able to go out and have a good time.

jibbajabba

I used to - but we in the team knew each other for 5+ years prior to me working there ... Since I am working in big finance corporates I try to keep things seperate. First, we don't really "click" on that level. First time I worked in a big corporate I considered someone a friend and was open to him - in terms how work is, likes / dislikes etc. and it backfired properly. Because his best friend was also in the company higher up ..

So unless I know someone a LONG LONG time - I prefer to shut up and keep to myself and keep business business .. Plus none of my colleagues live anywhere near me so socializing isn't going to happen anyway.

atorven

Yes I talk about my personal life but I always limit what I say, I've always found it best to let people assume stuff about me and not correct them unless it negatively impacts me.

And yes, I would most definitely date a coworker but most people say it's a bad idea (I guess it's one of those things you have to experience yourself to understand).

nXPLOSi

It's a difficult question to which I think the answer is, it's fine and often great to make close relationships with co-workers, but you have to be very selective and careful when doing so!

I have made "friends" with users/co-workers who turn out to be pretty horrible people, and do the usual talking behind your back, causing trouble for you etc. They're issues usually stem from jealously or similar feelings.

On the plus side; I met my girlfriend and a few very close friends at work. I do tend to be more reserved nowadays, the office is often like a sitcom with the amount of drama that goes on.

Blackout

Well ill bite and take the military approach I think camaraderie goes along way in a work environment. You don't have to have 1on1 personal relationships but getting the group together occasionally, or regularly can be a team building exercise. Whether your all going out for happy hour after work or having a BBQ on the weekend, feeling like your apart of something bigger than yourself goes along way to building a better team, healthier environment for everyone. Not to mention getting to know your follow co-worker gives you a better idea of who they are and how their thought process works, everyone can growth and learn from one another.

A True IT team requires teamwork.

jmritenour

I generally keep it surface deep, ie we talk about our kids, sports, etc. I don't get too involved with most people I work with.

Weird as it may sounds, it's mostly because I know that eventually, I'm going to change jobs, or they will, and I suck at keeping up with people when I don't see them every day. I just don't make the effort.

And no to ever dating a co-worker under any circumstances. I'm married, so it's a moot point, but even if I were single, I wouldn't be looking at work.

the_Grinch

As others have said, spending 40 hours a week (or more) with people you will end up getting close. I drink almost every weekend with a lot of my coworkers. I actually like it because we talk about work and I get to see sides that I don't work on. Plus I consider a lot of these people friends now. Perhaps it isn't the way to go, but a lot of the time you don't really have a choice. My direct boss and I text all the time. I hangout with members of my team on weekends. I've met several of our VP's wives and family members outside of work functions. In looking at it, the line is going to get blurred and it comes down to who you are as a person. Even with this closeness, when someone above me who I have hung out with says "this needs to get done" I do it. They are still my superior and regardless of whether we are friends or not we both have jobs that have to get done.

As far as dating a coworker, I suspect it will happen at some point. I got extremely close with a coworker who recently left. We went to several concerts, lunches, and to a few bars together. I will admit it was definitely tough to deal with to a certain degree due to a number of factors in her past. Obviously when things are bad you still have to see this person (in my case she was a cube away). Ultimately the worst part was she left and we still had unfinished business. We keep in touch though and we're suppose to meet up in a few weeks.

It really comes down to your office environment. Some foster it, some shun it. If there is a strict policy adhere to it and go about your day.

Master Of Puppets

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with making friends among your co-workers. Since you spend so much time with them it is going to be great if you have a better relationship.As a result, you will have a more pleasant working environment.The way I see it, as long as you don't cross the line by being too friendly with people who, obviously, don't want to engage in personal relations with colleagues, it's all good.

networker050184

jmritenour wrote: »

I generally keep it surface deep, ie we talk about our kids, sports, etc. I don't get too involved with most people I work with.

This is how I do it. My coworkers and I are friendly, talk about kids, even out for a happy hour after work now and then. Never anything too personal though.

Legacy User

I'm friends with 2 guys from work we hang out after hours at the bar sometimes. One thing I'm not to crazy about is my employer makes everyone go out on happy hour including himself one time a month. He wants us to consider him as one of guys but he ends up talking about work and his expectations of us all the damn time. Talk about letting loose

tpatt100

I think it makes a job more bearable or enjoyable if you develop friendships at work. Usually at a couple of my jobs I developed friendships that involved get togethers with each other's families for dinner or movies. One of my jobs some of us keep in touch one way or another and that is a job I miss the most but the five year contract ended.

Dating? I did that once and it ended up with an 11 year marriage and a three year old son, but it doesn't always work out that way for many.

Daniel333

I have worked 50 hour weeks for 5 years with many of these guys and gals. If you can't forge a personal connection at some level work will be a chore. Anyhow, I always believe the best ideas you will ever have as an IT machine will not be at work. They are going to be during the second-third drink at the bar just as you hit the balmer curve.

Anyhow, read the book Delivering Happiness by Toy Hsieh. I really have to agree with his thinking when it comes to coworker dedication etc.

Akaricloud

I connect with those that I know would genuinely be interested in my personal life but those are very few. Having a very unconventional, hard to explain personal life creates a barrier between my professional and personal life which are often two that I cannot afford to combine.

kurosaki00

Ive had both
Co workers and Ive made some really good friends

BradleyHU

i've always made some friends @ every company i've been...pplz i still keep in contact with to this day, and will chill/party/club with...

MrXpert

I make it a rule never to socialise with people I work with.

vCole

I think it's crucial to be social with your peers. I know for me, the jobs I enjoyed the most were working on teams where I was able to share information about my life outside of work. It doesn't have to be your deepest, darkest secrets but general things.
Job misery is caused by the lack of measurement, irrelevance and anonymity - socializing with your peers and manager removes that feeling of anonymity and helps aid removing the irrelevance piece as well.

DevilWAH

I find it so strange people would dismiss forming a relation ship just because they work with some one.

Being social at work daily makes the job easier to do, and once you are in the position of managing projects and meeting lots of people its good if you can get along. Especially if you are asking for £100K or so for the project, being approachable it a good skill to have, and his can lead to developing friendships.

I was taught that when you meet people you start of being polite and respectful and then as you develop the relation ship you move down. Some people at work I will remain at the first stage, as I get to know others better the relation ship changes. Sometimes it becomes just a more relaxed but still formal working relationship. Other times it might develop in to a friendship either at work or out side of work, and some of my closest friends are people I once worked with.

I work in IT, and IT is my hobby. Shockingly many people I work with also have this same hobby, so i seem inevitable that I will get on with at least one or 2.

WiseWun

I tend to get friendly with my co-workers but leave out the personal details until I really get comfortable. For example, talk about my family, give them my personal #, meet up on the weekends, etc. I'm definitely a team player, far from an introvert. Just don't talk to much or it can bite you back in the rear. Always AVOID choosing sides at work whether it be persons or departments, be neutral.