Please critique my cover letter

RedGaiter

I think I have my resume down pat thanks to you guys, but I'm not sure how my cover letter looks to those in the industry:

My name is John Doe and I would love to seek an opportunity to join your team as an APPLIED ROLE. I am hoping that in the coming weeks you might have time to meet with me to discuss the possibility of joining your team.


I would love to join a team like COMPANY NAME, where I can help contribute, grow in an IT role, and build long-lasting relationships.I have submitted my resume for the aforementioned positions, which highlights some significant skills and experience I can bring to your team:

• 4 years experience conducting IT support and troubleshooting for a small-sized corporate office, which included resolving all technical issues with Windows XP, 7, 8, Microsoft Office, network connectivity, as well as administering Windows Server 2008.

• Assisted in setting up a LAN for a brand new office, which included pulling and crimping cables, installing and configuring routers, switches, and Windows Server 2008.

• Experience troubleshooting OSI, TCP/IP, HTTP, SMTP, DNS, and DHCP.

• Network+ and A+ certifications (working towards CCNA – expected date: 07/2014 ).

I would like to thank you for your time and consideration. I believe that with my knowledge, experience, and acquired skills, I would be a valuable and highly contributing member of your team. I am excited about this opportunity and look forward to meeting you.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me any time at 555-555-5555

Regards,
John Doe

homemade88

Your use of the word "team" is used quite a bit there, I noticed it pretty quickly, so I can imagine an employer would as well (not sure if they would care though). This is an old one I was able to find, I don't have access to my newer more awesome version of it

Dear Sir/Madam: <<<Change this with your employer's name if possible, very important
This letter is to express my interest in becoming a part of your institution. The key strengths that I possess for success in the workplace include exceptional customer service skills, an optimistic personality, the ability to multitask, and a good work ethic. In addition, I am a very quick learner and efficient worker.

>>>I believe my experience qualifies me for consideration. In this regard, please find my enclosed resume as a first step and as a sign of interest in working for your establishment. I look forward to hearing from you, and even more excited about gaining an opportunity to work with you. Thank you for your time and consideration.<<< This paragraph tells the employer that you seem pretty confident & eager to perform without sounding to cocky or like a total pushover.

I have much more under my belt now though so my current cover letter & resume is much better.

PurpleIT

I would take out some of the weaker words, like "love" and "help", drop passive words like "would".

IMHO, first sentence of, "I am excited by the possibility of working at COMPANY NAME, where I can contribute my expertise in [job duties] while expanding my IT skills" is much stronger and makes me more likely to read the rest of it. This is my 30 second attempt at that sentence and it still needs work. I feel that in a cover letting you should look at EVERY sentence much longer since these words are at a premium; this is your chance to say something that makes you stand out; they better be good.