Being bullied at my new help desk job

Hi, I know threads about this aren't posted often here, but I thought I'd have a shot.

I'm 21 and just started a new helpdesk job around 3 months ago. The first couple of months were fine and I was learning a lot, which I still am. However, I now feel like I am being bullied by a co worker. He will do things like swear at me, throw things at me, send me abusive messages, hide my belongings etc. There is only 4 of us on the help desk. The others don't join in but but I have caught them laughing a few times. I was enjoying this job a lot and was learning a lot. But this co-worker is making it much harder to take things in and concentrate as I am constantly worried about what he'll do next. I have seen this happen in previous jobs in IT but have never experienced it myself. I also find my unable to study for further certifications at home as I am constantly worrying what will happen tomorrow.

Has anyone experienced this or seen this happen before, what can I do about this? Thx

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Comments

Iristheangel

@Databasehead *shakes head* Based on your posts on here, you still have some growing in the professional world to do.

OP, it's up to you how to deal with the situation. I think there was a lot of good advice given in this thread. I wish you luck with your issue. In my early career in IT, I had a pretty heinous IT manager who made every day miserable and it did get better. I actually did post about it on here wayyyy back in 2010-ish. He tried to keep me from having pictures of my spouse at work like other folks did, tried to deny me for my tuition reimbursement which was a HR benefit because he thought I was a "bad investment" since I would quit after, tried to threaten our jobs unless we studied certain things after hours for unpaid time, and generally a negative human being. You know what? Going up the chain helped. It turns out I wasn't the only one. He ended up getting moved out of a management position, my tuition reimbursement was paid and I even got a raise and promotion later on before I left the company. Sometimes it works out.

Edit: Here's the old post from back in the day: http://www.techexams.net/forums/jobs-degrees/56691-frustrated.html
Was a contractor initially and became a FTE. I never updated the thread but that was the start of my frustration in that post. Went back to delete my original post when I became an FTE but you can see the random responses in there.

UncleB

TheFORCE wrote: »

It doesnt have to be illegal. Un wanted behavior in the work place is ground for termination if it makes someone uncomfortable or uneasy or if it affects their work performance.

I agree - if it is a well supported case with documentation, recordings and witnesses then it is going to be extremely expensive and embarrasing for the company to deal with in court should you get a suitably vicious lawyer on the case - they probably deal with more of these than you realise and are going to realise that if you followed the escallation process (ask the person to stop, ask your manager to intervene then ask HR to intervene) and they let you down in spite of clear evidence then they know a 6 figure settlement is almost inevitable so will act to cut out the source of the problem.

It may make your life more difficult with the rest of the team for getting their colleague sacked, but once they realise that you take no hassle from them then this should change the dynamic - although you could find yourself being marginalised from social activities. Probably a price worth paying.

At the end of the day it will do you a favour, do the working environment a favour and teach the source of the problem that it is simply not acceptable to be a moron in this day and age.

Nisseki

I dislike bullies but please continue studying and learning new skills because some day you will get a more technical and higher paying position.

I bet those guys are doing nothing to progress their careers and they will be doing that job for the rest of their lives.

That's karma haha.

scasc

Just thought I'd jump on the bandwagon. On serious note this is happening with a good friend of mine - with a lady manager ironically who is lets just say not very friendly. Anyway, it was reported to HR about the incidents that have occurred they did their own investigation - what I learnt from this is that having a log of things that she has said/done is not going to get anyone far, also when they did their own questioning for witnesses everyone backed out as nobody wanted to get involved (lady started gloating about this!). In the end HR literally asked the lady to behave more "lady like" and not like "a man"!.

Make your own conclusions from that.

To get anywhere you need to really grab the problem by the scruff of the neck and deal with it. Either record this person or speak with him and if nothing happens you need to tell the people that matter - i.e. senior personnel not mid-managers. Tell them your predicament and if nothing gets better you will leave.

You dont have to take nonsense from anyone especially where you come to everyday hoping to work in a positive environment.

NuclearBeavis

Iristheangel wrote: »

Don't forget to pee on your own cubicle so your territory is properly marked and then hump his leg to establish dominance.

Good advice. This is what I do at every new job, or in the interview if possible.

Danielh22185

For the most part, people have given some pretty solid advice. I would not suggest getting into a heated confrontation if all possible. If you sense that might happen don't proceed with my following advice.

So I thought you might benefit to hear of my real-world experiences as opposed to just some open-ended suggestion...
I've actually been bullied a couple times once when I was much younger not even working in the IT field yet. I was 19 working as a mechanic apprentice at a car dealership (before I had a clue what I wanted to do professionally). This person that bullied me I assumed because I was the new guy, and he probably felt threatened by me, etc.

This guy tried his hardest to break me, nearly every day I had to put up with this guy. It did frustrate me, of course, but I tried to keep as tough as an exterior as possible. I'm not going to lie I had days where I became very upset and wanted to lash out but I kept my cool. One day I decided I had enough. I confronted him in the presence of several of my other co-workers. I just asked him quite simply why he bullies me and gives me a hard time? I believe he was taken back by it. I guess he thought I would never have personally confronted him. He jokingly tried to play it off like you would imagine and we both went off on our ways. However, after I confronted him things changed. He started actually being nice to me and we had a good working relationship after.

I understand though some situations may not be quite as simple. Luckily for my case, I didn't have to get management involved and we were able to settle it between each other.

Another situation I had not too long ago with a bullish manager just a couple years back. For the most part, he was pretty cool, but did have a temper and didn't know how to take the same jokes he dished out. Well, one day the entire team was all stressed and he and I had a bad moment. We both went into a conference room which later went outside to talk / argue. He and I quickly realized though things were getting out of hand and I just stopped and asked: "what are we doing?" We realized we were both lashing out and didn't need to be. At that point though we agreed to restart and shook hands. From that moment after we got along great and actually are friends now and keep in touch.

So what I have learned through those two experiences is sometimes its best to try and work it out with the individual. Granted every situation is different. However, in my two cases, I found that going to the person first helped me and both times management / HR didn't have to get involved.

So here is what I suggest:

1.) Continue to document the occurrences just in case if needed
2.) Confront him.
Be careful with this though. If he seems like a hot head and might get super defensive about being confronted in front of peers then ask to talk to him privately. Just express to him your feelings and that you are here for the team to contribute and learn. Give him something to bloat his head. Tell him you would appreciate learning from him seeing he has more experience, etc. Ask him if there is anything you can help him with. Give him something to make him feel good about himself.

Many times I feel the bullying is predicated by the senior member of the team (typically I feel in case they feel threatened by new young blood that is eager to work (and usually is working there for less)). Bullying is nothing more than a sign of insecurity by the person doing the bullying. If you can find a way to make them feel less threatened and encouraged to work with you this is the only way this is really going to go away peacefully so you both can continue to work with each other.

Of course, if Plan A fails proceed with getting management involved. This is your life first and you need to look out for yourself.

sthomas

I noticed some mentioned recording the person doing the bullying. Just wanted to add that I know an IT person who's boss was asking them to do unethical things at work, so they decided to record them doing this on their phone.

To make a long story short they confronted their employer with this recording and ended up getting charged a felony for eavesdropping. This individual ended up getting suspending for a long period of time and is still in court about it to this day. They ended up going back to work though and the person's boss ended up moving on.

I am no lawyer and I know this situation is different but I thought it would be worth mentioning.

Iristheangel

You're spot on, sthomas. Depends on what state you live in and whether it's a consent state for recording. Some states make it illegal to JUST record audio but as long as you are recording video as well, it's legal. In short, depending on where you are and your company's policies, it can get a little dicey on what you can and cannot legally record with video/audio. CYA before trying it.

NuclearBeavis

sthomas wrote: »

I noticed some mentioned recording the person doing the bullying. Just wanted to add that I know an IT person who's boss was asking them to do unethical things at work, so they decided to record them doing this on their phone.

To make a long story short they confronted their employer with this recording and ended up getting charged a felony for eavesdropping. This individual ended up getting suspending for a long period of time and is still in court about it to this day. They ended up going back to work though and the person's boss ended up moving on.

I am no lawyer and I know this situation is different but I thought it would be worth mentioning.

I'm all for recordings, but play the recordings for your lawyer, not your boss.

Danielh22185

I think if it gets to a point of needing a lawyer, listen to their advice not ours

NuclearBeavis

Danielh22185 wrote: »

I think if it gets to a point of needing a lawyer, listen to their advice not ours

That's my point. If you record anything, play it for your lawyer and they'll tell you what to do with it: play it for your boss, hold it for court, destroy it because it's illegal, etc.

networker050184

Yeah.... don't take legal advice on the internet. Especially on tech forums.

DPG

networker050184 wrote: »

Yeah.... don't take legal advice on the internet. Especially on tech forums.

The best advice so far.

Codeman6669

DPG wrote: »

The best advice so far.

yah actually, i deleted my advice because it was bad advice. thats how shitty the internet is