Anyone else share bipolar illnesses?

One minute you've got creative ideas flowing out of your skull and the next minute you feel like everything is pointless and all your stamina just hits 0%. One minute you feeling like everyone in the world is your friend, then your hit by a deep and empty feeling and get the feeling like everyone in the world wants you to disappear.

It's a constant cycle everyday with frequent migraines and degrading social skills on top of excessive anxiety that comes with everything you do. The only escape is medication, but the medication takes away from your creativity spikes and leaves you feeling flat and empty.

Sometimes I really wonder how I can survive in a competitive IT world where your expected to give 110% regardless of the job title. I have a lot of trouble remembering even basic things. My mind seems to perform a cleanup every day, removing anything that I don't use.

It seems like whenever I start studying for a new certification, I completely forget everything I learned about my previous certs. This makes all my studying pointless, right?

Just ranting.

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Comments

JDMurray

If you have been clinically diagnosed with manic-depression you should be in treatment and under a doctor's care. There's no home remedy, and it doesn't just go away or take care of itself.

garv221

No, like everyone I have had my share of up and down days though. I used to be concerned about what other people thought but I just say f* it now, you only live once. I have always stuck by the motto worrying is like a rocking chair, it is something to do but gets you nowhere. When did this problem surface?

Kaminsky

Sounds like natural aging to me

The 'ole grey cells just don't want to play any more.

Thing is, I can't think of any other industry where you have to keep as up to date and learn brand new technologies from scratch like ours.

And people think we just sit about playing games all day..... (well.. maybe not ALL day)

KGhaleon

Well, I'm under 25 so I can't really call it old age. I was diagnosed a couple years ago since I was concerned with my own behavior. I was just wondering if other tech guys have problems with this.

Do you honestly remember half the stuff you study or learn in the field, even the things that you don't use? Example: I had a lot of experience setting up Exchange server a couple years ago but I never had to use it...now I don't even recall where to begin setting one up. My memory is terrible, so I pretty much write down and record everything I learn. I hang stuff on my walls as reference material.

KG

garv221

I am 25.

Did this just develop in the last few years then?

I can remember almost everything, I have found all vendors and systems have one thing in common and that's their purpose for being implemented. Don't worry about knowing the product through and through, worry about knowing the one thing all the vendors products have in common. For instance with a mail server, know the understanding of how and why SMTP is implemented along with the need for DNS. With routers and switches; know how and why you need switches/routers and the standard network protocols and the flexibility of having those devices creates for yourself. Learning the one thing that never changes will allow you to know every product, then its a quick matter of telling the product what to do when your ready for install. I have not installed Exchange in years and I just setup an Exchange 2003 server in a day without even reading about it..Just threw it up and figured the things I need should be close by in the program..lol

Plantwiz

jdmurray wrote:

If you have been clinically diagnosed with manic-depression you should be in treatment and under a doctor's care. There's no home remedy, and it doesn't just go away or take care of itself.

Not everyone is cut out for every job. And no offense meant to KG, because if you do indeed have the disease...then I hope you are in treatment as well as have good family support.

However, there is a lot of people I continue to hear during the week claiming 'bi-polar', ADHD and worse the 'new' adult ADHD, like it's the 'cool' thing. Those who are living with it have a real challenge in front of them that takes a little more then a pill and saying "I've got 'x' and now need special considerations from the rest of the workplace so 'I' can attempt to function".

As a culture in the US I think we've worked too hard lowering standards (or just 'adjusting' standards) so that more people can have 'opportunities' that at one time were only availble to those who really worked for them. There will always be a special cases where an acquaintence helps someone catch a break, but there is such a drive to fill job positions by undertrained, under-experienced, under-mentored people that there seems to be a bloom of diseases springing up that once were not so prevelant.

Some jobs are more physical and physical work affords people opportunities that office work doesn't. Maybe when there is realized stress it's time to find a better fitting job instead of making the company fit the person?

When people work in a career they enjoy, usually they thrive.

KGhaleon

I can only trust what my doctors tell me, though I was also diagnosed with five or six other mental illnesses which I can't even remember.

Most of them were anxiety-related, if I recall.

I went off the medication for two or three months a while back to see how I would do without it, and my bipolar symptoms were much worse. I honestly don't think I could survive without it. I could hardly call myself sane during that period, it's not really something I can easily describe. Much of it is psychological. You feel dettached from your body.

I don't make a big deal out of it and just deal with what I'm given, but sometimes I really have to struggle. I'm a detailed person and have put a lot of effort into memorizing everything that I can(TCP handshaking, vlan trunking, etc), and it's frustrating when a month passes and I realize all my hard work went to waste. I have frequent blanks, where my mind just goes blank when I'm in the middle of something. Strange, completely random blanks where I can't process a single thought for a couple minutes. These things are quite common and scare me. It makes me question what would happen in a situation where quick thinking is necessary.

I lost a job at Lockheed near Orlando last year because I couldn't remember some of the things they had taught me a week earlier, so I got booted. They gave me a chance by asking if I had any mental illnesses, so I lied and told them I didn't since I don't like people to know or treat me different from the other technicians.

Garv's suggestion has worked for me. Whenever I have to study a subject I try to make it simple and keep the explaination at about a page. That way I can quickly glance over it at any time.

I may have to talk more with my doctor and see if there are some other medications worth trying.

KG

markzab

Take a vacation and just lay out on the beach in a hammock with a nice cold 6-pack of beer. Do nothing for 5-7 days straight other than lay out in the sun listening to the waves. That should do the trick.

Or maybe I'm just an optimist.

KGhaleon

That won't work, I just took a week off and it didn't change a thing. My car broke down last week and I just paid $1400 to get it fixed, so I was given time off to relax. I've been excersing a lot lately, but it hasn't helped too much.

I've got $30K in college tuition that I need to pay, so I can't really change careers now...unless I want my family to kill me.

My current job isn't bad and I don't have many problems with it...simple tech support. I just want a job that pays more that will allow me to use more of my skills, maybe more networking.

KG

Plantwiz

KGhaleon wrote:

Garv's suggestion has worked for me. Whenever I have to study a subject I try to make it simple and keep the explaination at about a page. That way I can quickly glance over it at any time.

Good!
You'll probably find just about everyone has to create some method/understanding of their personal learning process. Some people can seemingly look at something at retain it at recall forever...others have 'noise' in their mind and need to work a method of recall that fits for them.

I may have to talk more with my doctor and see if there are some other medications worth trying.

KG

Probably will be a lifetime process for you. Don't quit! As you probably know, as you progress through life (age..grow older) your hormones will continue to change so your meds may need to be adjusted to compensate for this, your weight, as well as resistance...so if its what you want, then hang in there and keep the dialogue open with your Doc.

sprkymrk

I have a friend who suffers a form of depression similar to what you describe, though I'm not certain if it is the same exact thing. It's odd, while he is on the medication he seems stable, laid back and easy going. Then he feels like everything is okay and stops the meds. Then he goes between being on an energetic, happy-go-lucky super enthusiastic high for a few weeks before hitting just the opposite level of low. A real roller coaster that affects his marriage, job and other relationships. It takes weeks of arm twisting and convincing to get him back on his medication to achieve a level of balance. I think he, like you, feels it stifles his creativity (the highs).

It must be really tough.

garv221

I have always believed everyone is created equal one way or another and have their own problems. Some people learn or "catch on" slower then others because they are more detailed but in the long run if they end up excelling beyond the others. Have you tried Adderrall? It is for ADD & will heighten your focus and memory.

sprkymrk

garv221 wrote:

I have always believed everyone is created equal one way or another and have their own problems.

:

Not a world traveler, are you?
Never been on the inside of a mental hospital either I guess.

I'm thinking you didn't mean that in the extreme sense of the way it sounded.

sir_creamy_

Funny how techies can suddenly become psychologists.

I believe most credible resources will tell you medication is the route to take.

KGhaleon

Indeed.

I have to say that I don't have so many issues when I'm at work, I can function and work hard as a member of a team. Even if I don't want to, I still go out with coworkers if invited. At home I mostly sleep or try to exercise or study to keep my brain active. My memory seems to get worst though, as I have trouble remembering things that happened even a few days or a week ago. I have to write down everything that I know I may need to recall.

I feel like someone keeps downgrading whatever processor my brain is powered by. I was on meds back when I originally created this topic, but I had to go off them because they were too expensive for me at the time.

I'm thinking about seeing if I can get back on something.

vCole

I do not have bipolar, but I do have depression mixed with a lot of anxiety.

I've been medicated, then off, and did fine for awhile. But my anxiety has spiked, yet again, and now I'm getting put back on meds tomorrow.

You have to get it taken care of, it will not go away.

dynamik

Have you looked at any sort of therapy for your anxiety? There are a lot of programs that will ease you into the situations that cause your anxiety. I'm not a big fan of medication, but it's unfortunately a necessity for some.

HeroPsycho

I have a family member who is bipolar. It's a life long illness that must be managed by you and the help of your doctor. You will have to develop methods of coping and handling it.

The family member who has it is highly successful in their career. You can do fine with it provided you manage it properly, and that starts with the right medical care.

blargoe

I was once engaged to someone who was bipolar, she refused to get help for it, and it destroyed our relationship.

hypnotoad

I'm assuming you're on some sort of SSRI or SSNRI, KG. Also, I assume that you have experience with benzodiazipines, since you mentioned anxiety-related illnesses...and you've probably been on lithium (which is pretty vicious in-and-of itself). These meds will screw with your memory. They are notorious for memory issues.

Honestly, you will probably never beat this thing. Exercise, therapy, sticking to your schedule, not drinking, avoiding stress, doing what you like...Take a multifaceted approach. These techniques will improve your quality of life, even if you dont beat it.

It's been my experience that improving the quality of life for yourself is all you can do.

Edit: Have you investigated the possibility that you have a personality disorder rather than a mood disorder? You mentioned a variety of diagnoses, and I'm curious if there is an underlying personality issue that is most visible in mood.

KGhaleon

I was diagnosed a couple years ago, so I'm not on anything right now. I'm just putting up with them. It's not so bad that I can't do my work, but I don't really do anything outside of work.

I have been on lithium/paxil, sure. Though the problem with my memory had been going on long before that point. Exercising and studying keeps my mind active these days.

ladiesman217

Try Viagra!

You maybe stressing yourself too much. Just follow your doctor's advice.

Yeah Sysprep is used to format a disk...err what's the topic again? j/k.

captobvious

KGhaleon wrote: »

One minute you've got creative ideas flowing out of your skull and the next minute you feel like everything is pointless and all your stamina just hits 0%. One minute you feeling like everyone in the world is your friend, then your hit by a deep and empty feeling and get the feeling like everyone in the world wants you to disappear.

I used to date a chick like that! Really. Just work on it a little every day. Stay on your meds, get new ones if the old ones aren't working. Good luck!

ladiesman217

captobvious wrote: »

I used to date a chick like that! Really. Just work on it a little every day. Stay on your meds, get new ones if the old ones aren't working. Good luck!

Have you watched 50 first dates?

ilcram19-2

i think you shoudl go out there and have fun enjoy ur life try to go out the rutine, people thats get to much in to their jobs and rutines forget about whats out there specially when you are young, what really helps is meeting new people and try to party a lil bit i do it aleast once a month and it helps me release stress

motogpman

I had a close family member, she was like a mom to me, she had mental/anxiety issues. She was on lithium, but she was drinking daily (heavily) which makes things unbearable for ALL people around her. I also dated someone, we were engaged, and she tried to hide her bipolar disorder. It didn't take long, obviously the instant bursts of anger/abuse and looking into the eyes of a person who looked like a "black hole" was enough to make me end the relationship after 1 year. It was a mess! She wasn't taking her medications and when I tried to talk to her about it, it only made things worse, to say the least. I had to call the Ssheriff's dept 2 times on her after she broke into my home threatening me and then ask me to love her again.... I feel for any person who has to either live through this or loves someone like this and can't make an easy get away should things get to that point. No one wins.

Hopefully you are not to that degree. I think that you seem open to talking about this issue and at least are self aware to seek help. It is not always easy for someone to self critique themselves honestly and then ACT on that. You got help and that speak volumes. It seems that you are also taking measures to keep focused and lower your deficiencies, like posting notes/drawings and such. I know people who are nbot in your position who don't even go that far.

Keep after it and on a side note, with the memory issue, have you tried to take fish oil? I know alot of people laugh at that, but it is excellent for nuerological issues. Research it and talk to your doctor. It does act like a blood thinner, so it may interact with other meds. Just a suggestion.