No more computers

It's going to be weird but after 17 years and getting to data centre comms manager for Fujitsu data centres in the UK, I have had enough of the constant struggling and the stress of implementation teams beating on you to get things done.

Tonight on the way home I thought I was having a heart attack doing 70 mph on a 4 lane motorway. Seems it was just a stress attack as it calmed down and I was just left on the side of the road shaking for half an hour.

I am absolutely not warding you off IT. It's great fun (and even more fun the further away you get from actual users - I got so far away I didn't even speak to entire companies) and I have gone far from my humble help desk beginings. It's not the be all and end all though.

Managers will have you push that little bit more and little bit more. After 17 years, I'm exausted by it all. I know I am a married man with 3 kids under 10 and expected to just handle it but there has to be more to life than this. If I carry on like this, my kids will be burying me before they have even reached their teens and the mrs will slim down finally and cop off with some young studd and all I have done will be for nothing. screw that.

Photography or cooking. Certainly not car mechaninc, shop assistant, the leasure industry or anything where you have to say sir or madam. (that's punching in the face territory as far as I am concerned after being in the army years ago).

I'm not sure which yet and seeing as they all pay sh.t and I have no savings, the road ahead isn't going to be easy. I just can't bear to take one more government network design and work it out physically and then try to explain what I am on about to designers and project managers on 3 times what I am getting paid. I moved into my house 5 years ago and I still can't afford carpet upstairs or in the kids bedrooms.

When I was just starting out, my network manager lost the plot big time on the way to an interview and dissapeared leaving his wife and 6 year old daughter alone. They found him 6 weeks later in a doss house in bristol. He didn't know his name or how he got there. They only identified and reunited him through the label on his angina tablets bottle label. I am not going down that road.

I've dismantled my lab (3725, 3725, 1841, 1841, 2651xm, 3550 emi, 3550 emi, 2950t, 2950t, 1721 maxed, 1721 maxed) and tomorrow morning they go in the skip. (stop bleeting) All the ccna, ccnp books go as well as notes. Directories deleted. All gone.

Maybe I can go from a 17 stone (240 pound) 5 ft 7in, smoking and drinking every night "top of the line" techie to a normal person before I die even if I am gonna be broke forever now.

A sort of heart attack at 70 mph in the middle of a 4 lane motorway is someone on high tapping you on the shoulder saying sort your F*****g life out!

Been a blast guys. Loved helping you young uns out. You're going to have fun but keep a weather eye on yourself.

I personally, can't do this anymore.

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Comments

Bl8ckr0uter

Damn...

Do you just need a break or maybe a change of pace? Maybe a good long vacation to have sometime off? You have so much time and energy vested into the craft and it would seem like such a waste to have you leave the field. Have you talked to your manager? Have you expressed how you feel to them? Maybe a change of jobs or something?

Edit: What is the skip? Like a **** or something?

exampasser

Have you contemplated the idea taking a long vacation and then perhaps finding a less stressful job? It seems like going in an entirely different career could be stressful by itself. I would personally take a long vacation and think of my options before I decided to thow out all of my IT related stuff and go on a new career path.

I hope that everything works out for you.

tiersten

Wow. Thats certain something that will shake you up and make you reevaluate what you're doing with your life. At least you've had the chance to do something to fix it and not go crazy like your old boss or 6 feet down in a wooden box.

The only thing is that you need to think through this decision. Are you sure this is really what you want? Its only happened tonight and a sudden abrupt decision like this may not look so great next week or next month. You could always find something in a less stressful area or a more laid back company.

If you're absolutely sure that this is what you want to do then all the best for you. Some people may think that you're crazy to be packing it all in especially at the point you've gotten to but my opinion is that you've got to look out for yourself and your family as the number 1 priority.

One thing though, you say you're chucking everything into the skip tomorrow yet also mention that you'd like more money. Doing that is a little silly IMO especially when you could easily sell it. If you want stressfree selling then put it up with buyer must pick up etc... Of course, if you really do want to chuck it in the skip then tell me what skip it is and where

Essendon

Just like kevin said, take a long vacation, that's what you need. You seem mroe burnt out that anything else. Come over to Australia for a while, bring your missus along, hire a 4WD and get lost in the Outback.

Whatever you do, Kam, I wish you luck, I have followed your posts here and there and you have been a big help.

tiersten

knwminus wrote: »

Edit: What is the skip? Like a **** or something?

Its like a dumpster.

exampasser

knwminus wrote: »

Damn...

Do you just need a break or maybe a change of pace? Maybe a good long vacation to have sometime off? You have so much time and energy vested into the craft and it would seem like such a waste to have you leave the field. Have you talked to your manager? Have you expressed how you feel to them? Maybe a change of jobs or something?

Edit: What is the skip? Like a **** or something?

1+

I too was wondering what he meant by skip.

Bl8ckr0uter

tiersten wrote: »

Its like a dumpster.

I see. Does this dumpster have an address

Edit: I think you just need to take a break. Go on a vacation for a few weeks. Somewhere nice. Have some great *** and come back refreshed. Seriously.

Paul Boz

Have you considered looking for a new job? I know how bad the despair of being locked in can be. Even the idea of looking for a new job will boost your spirits dramatically. How long have you been at your current employer? Where you happy before you worked there? How long have you been unhappy? Do you have any certs? Just look and see what other opportunities are out there and you'll be better off.

chrisone

Hi Kaminsky, sorry to hear about your frustrations and the terrible scare you had on the road. It is common that we see out of shape IT guys, which is why a lot of us are portrayed as nerds , etc, etc. If we do not give time to ourselfs to get in shape and away from work habits at home it will take it toll at the end. Work at work is enough work like many say, but in the IT industry we have to be on call and do after work projects or fix outages. This is common but we can live with it in a healthy lifestyle.

I think the fact that you drink and smoke every night is not healthy and probably should be the sole blame for your health conditions. At 5'7 240lbs that is just not healthy at all. I myself am 185 lbs at 5'9, i do goto the gym and work out 3 to 4 days out of the week. I fit in studies for certifications and i do the parenting thing as well. I goto football, soccer, basketball, practices for the young one year around. I am also his coach for little league baseball. These sports activities are at the age level of 11-12 so this is competative atmospheres and not he little baby leagues, so i spend time on that stuff as well. I do this year around with the title of a network engineer that encompass all the after hours, projects, deadlines, outages that we face in our industry.

The crap you put into your system give you no energy or motivation at all. Trust me with a healthier lifestyle you will be more energized more confident to deal with any crap you might encounter in any job environment. The IT industry is not the only industry with assholes,jerks, wankers at the job place. Everyone company and job environment has these people. We need to learn how to be calm, stay healthy and learn how to meditate nonsense that we should not carry home.

Aside from all those facts about my life, i am entering the P90x program. If you dont know about it, it is a fitness program that gets people really ripped and into shape without serious weight lifting. It includes many muscles confusing exercises that you can do at home. It also includes Yoga with from what i hear is so amazingly great for the human body! I honestly cant wait to start the Yoga stuff!

You are older than I am i bet, but we all never stop learning as humans, I am a young man reaching my 30s now, i have an adults viewpoint in life. I hope you dont shy away from my input because of my age, i know i have a lot to experience but please take my words that with a healthier body comes a healthier mind, and vice versa. Take a vacation as it seems like one is needed, use that time to reevaluate new goals in life, expecially a fitness program. You can absolutely handle a fitness programs, it will regenerate your life's mood! Well im done preaching hahah sorry for the long reply, i hope some of my words influence you in your journeys in life and if i offended you in anything i said here i truly apologize as it was never my intention to do so.

P90X® Workout - P90X Extreme Home Fitness Workout Program - Beachbody.com

rogue2shadow

knwminus wrote: »

I see. Does this dumpster have an address

I'd would love to know the address as well lol.

To the point. You have built a legacy in IT. Your life is irreplaceable so you do what you makes you happy, keeps your life worth living and your family safe.

I'm sorry you experienced such an event on the highway, if at all; as some of the others have said maybe a long vacation is in order. Your higher ups will hopefully understand.

I know I do not personally know you but I believe you have the strength to persevere no matter what decision you make. The fact that you even made this post is proof of your courage. Sit down with the family and think of pros and cons to your life rather than of the fiscal aspects of the decision to be made. During this time of serenity, look within yourself and try to find that passion that once sparked your jump into the IT realm and your escalation to greatness. If that spark is out, your answer is as clear as the night sky.

I'm not here to steer you either way. If after everything, you decide the IT phase of your life is over, make sure to leave on a good note. If you ever need to come back to it for any reason, your legacy will speak for itself. The world is our oyster and destiny is the web we weave within. Having made it this far, I have every confidence that you will do wonders in whatever endeavors you decide to partake in.

neuropol

After a year of searching for a job when the Bubble burst, I quit IT all together. Truth is I didn't really like my last IT job all that much, so I was barely looking anyway. I took a job in retail and have worked in retail ever since. I was much happier in general, though the lack of money was a constant strain. I'm only now getting back into IT because I found an area that I enjoy working with.

For me, no money is worth doing something you hate. However, don't expect anybody to agree with your decision.

On a side note, the photography business is pretty screwed right now. Unless you want to wage war in Wedding photography there isn't much out there. It's a great time to be an amateur, though.

N2IT

If you are having panic attacks go to your doctor and get some medicine. I use to get them while driving and in other situations, sometimes from caffiene. My suggestions is think about what you had that night or day and remove it from your life. Also head to the doctor and let him know what happened. They have some meds that can chill you out.

phantasm

I've enjoyed your posts Kaminsky and I understand where you are coming from. Every man has to make his own decisions, it sounds like you've made yours. I and no one else have any right to question that. All I can say is that I wish you the best and hope you enjoy your family for a long long time. Good luck, glad you didn't crash tonight.

BeachNinja

Your post happened to remind me of an article I read awhile back with respect to getting burned out:

Happiness and IT: The hidden dangers of working in IT

I love IT and plan to have a long career in the field, but I’ve always felt that I have to make and save as much money as possible before it becomes too much for me to handle. My nearsightedness has gotten worse over time, and it’s no coincidence that it all started from the time I had my first PC. All I can say is that you simply should do what you feel you need to do if you think it’s going to help, because if you don’t care for yourself first and foremost you can’t take care of anybody else.

varelg

Reading Kaminsky's post, it kind of reminded me of couple of my colleagues I had few years back that just refused to take things lightly. Hell, it reminded me of myself at one point when I was one of them. It takes time and a lot of practice and changing carriers wouldn't help, taking things lightly even when they seem like very serious matters for us that never tried that approach seems like an art. So what if you break the deadlines and budget, it happens all the time outside IT, look at how governments work for example

Have you ever tried to go into teaching Kaminsky? Or a technical writer of a book or articles for IT magazines? So much expirience and expertise is a shame to be thrown away. I would urge you to reconsider.
As somebody already pointed out, photography sucks now (no that I know it for a fact, but I'll take it at face value). Cooking is DEFINITELY a sure way to take 240-pound 5ft 7 techie towards an imminent heart attack. You could cut stress with a knife in any restaurant's kitchen. Substance abuse and addictions are not uncommon among kitchen staff, not at all. And for a reason.
I cannot wait to read your article on whatever IT subject you would decide to write Kaminsky. The "don't worry be happy" phrase however lame may sound, that kind of attitude, would definitely help you.

Pash

Paul Boz wrote: »

Have you considered looking for a new job? I know how bad the despair of being locked in can be. Even the idea of looking for a new job will boost your spirits dramatically. How long have you been at your current employer? Where you happy before you worked there? How long have you been unhappy? Do you have any certs? Just look and see what other opportunities are out there and you'll be better off.

I think the thing is Kam is a data centre manager. How further up can you go with being that far away from end users?....You can't can you. Even if you leave and go and work for your own business you have to start this whole sir/madam **** again.

As you may know I work for a Jap company to (actually I know someone who used to work at Fujitsu) and I know how dealing with this lot can be hard sometimes. I am slowly learning to just laugh at it all, coz otherwise id end up with my underpants on my head and two pencils up my nose.

Can't argue with above posts, definitely been a crazy amount of help for me on so many different subjects. One last IT gig....maybe training? I think you explain stuff pretty damn well, that telco infrastructure help you gave me not too long ago helped me so much at work (you have no idea trust me).

Does your mrs work? Do you have any way of funding a back to college type idea? Look into it.

It's burn out Kam, what defines you is how you deal with it. If you really feel you wanna mix things up, do it bud. The great thing about life is regardless of what people say, you can make choices and those choices are your own....Ohh and more importantly take care of your health - go and see a doctor about this incident.

Mojo_666

Here is my Advice on getting yourself on track

Start getting selfish and start right now.

Pull a sickie, go to the doctors get signed off with stress...let the company you work for pay you to stay away from work for a few weeks/months...if they call you ignore them, the law is the law so use it.

Start working on your CV and get it sent out to agencies looking for contract work. Your pay will double/triple and it is stress free. Set up a LTD company through a company such as Churchill-Knight they well get you a 80%+ return on your earnings and handle any company matters for you...again no stress or extra work for you.
(Permies deal with the stress, if any comes your way you can simply walk and get another contract)

Get yourself to the gym, go for walks chillax and kill time however you want while you are not working, get yourself feeling good and healthy but keep sending out that CV.

If you can land a 3 month contract you can earn 6-8 months pay, so do 3 months then take some time off for a cookery course or whatever it is you want to do, fund a degree or save some money.

Use your skills to your advantage, you could still do what you do but for half the year and for more money.

Get Selfish IMO

Pash

Mojo_666 wrote: »

Here is my Advice on getting yourself on track

Start getting selfish and start right now.

Pull a sickie, go to the doctors get signed off with stress...let the company you work for pay you to stay away from work for a few weeks/months...if they call you ignore them, the law is the law so use it.

Start working on your CV and get it sent out to agencies looking for contract work. Your pay will double/triple and it is stress free. Set up a LTD company through a company such as Churchill-Knight they well get you a 80%+ return on your earnings and handle any company matters for you...again no stress or extra work for you.
(Permies deal with the stress, if any comes your way you can simply walk and get another contract)

Get yourself to the gym, go for walks chillax and kill time however you want while you are not working, get yourself feeling good and healthy but keep sending out that CV.

If you can land a 3 month contract you can earn 6-8 months pay, so do 3 months then take some time of for a cookery course or whatever it is you want to do, fund a degree or save some money.

Use your skills to your advantage, you could still do what you do but for half the year and for more money.

Get Selfish IMO

rep for you chum. perfect advice.

krusty83uk

Mojo_666 is giving some good advice.

My old boss went through something like this one day he just couldn’t take it anymore as it was killing him.

We worked for a rubbish company was almost impossible for him to take holidays and almost broke up with his wife because of the job. He was pushing around 15 hour days working most weekends!

To tell you the truth the company was a joke and went bust a few months ago. I jumped ship a few days after my boss left and before the place went bust! I was lucky enough to find a new job without to much trouble.

It wasn’t due to his lack of skills the big bosses kept on changing the rules all the time! It was a nightmare!

It was just far to much too much pressure for one man to take!

Even my job had to much pressure I was working 15 hours a day easy doing loads of traveling I was almost hitting breaking point myself!

One day he just didn’t turn up for work and got a sick note from the doctors he was off for 2 months then found another job with a lot less pressure. It’s still a IT management role but with a lot less stress he seems happy now.

I am sure you worked very hard to get to your level just don’t turn you back on it because your current job is driving you crazy! They is always light at the end of the tunnel!

I hope it works out for you!

j4s

The earlier suggestion to take some time off at the companies expense is worth thinking about. If you have had enough you can very easily get 4-8 weeks off with stress related problems, use that time to search the job market, update your CV, relax.

6-8 weeks down the line, you may have options or a different perspective.

All the best.

JC

nel

Pash wrote: »

rep for you chum. perfect advice.

totally agree, i would do what was suggested there.

earweed

Pash wrote: »

rep for you chum. perfect advice.

+1 Very good advice. Get yourself some paid time off and take care of yourself. You'll be no good to yourself or your family if you continue down your current path.
Also as others have said, look into training or writing. With the skillset you have it would be a waste to throw it all away.

EDIT: Saw this article in another post http://i.techrepublic.com.com/downloads/Gilbert/dl_10_best_certs.pdf and if that guy can get paid for an article like that I'm sure you could get something published.

Ahriakin

The issue is not that you're in IT, it's that you are driven to achieve. The pressure you feel you ultimately put on yourself, it's part of being good at what you do. You achieve, your career progresses and you end up in positions that push you harder and harder, with the same work-ethic and drive that got you there in the first place you try to excel in each new position as well as you have in the past, but each step leads to a steeper climb.
When you climb the ranks in any business you are going to increase your stress levels. There is no wonder occupation out there that won't involve stress if you continue to let your own passion to success drive you upwards. A lot of the other occupations that seem appealing do so because you are looking at them from the point of view of an outsider, at entry level work that compared to what you do now is relatively stress free. It won't remain so because you won't let it, you will eventually feel driven to succeed again and being the cycle once more.
I burned out very early in my career, I started in a call center for what was then the 2nd largest PC supplier in the world. I got promoted about every 6 months and within 2 years had the highest tech position in our EMEA operations. 1 year later and my brain was ready to explode. I quit and went to work for an oil company in africa doing much simpler work...for about a year and then I felt than damned need to actually succeed again and got promoted into something challenging. It all began once more.

I had intended this to be short but essentially what I'm getting at is the change you need to make is in you. As others have mentioned work on changing your lifestyle a bit, exercise will definitely help both your physical and mental well being (not to mention it's nice to wake up and not feel like you're just getting fatter and older...I'm in this phase myself right now

). If you do need to take a step back in your career and catch your breath by all means do, but don't do anything drastic. Switch to another path if there is something you absolutely love and deep down always wanted to do, absolutely do not just jump ship out of desperation, especially with a family to support. You'll just accelerate that heart attack from a different angle.

My $.02

Devilsbane

Maybe you just need a different job? Take the pay cut and go back to a desktop support position or something. It will still likely pay more than starting out in a new field.

That is just my opinion. I don't abandon fields over night.

chrisone

Not to discredit anyone's opinions here or say they have no valuable input, thats not my intentions at all, but i believe everyone is straying away from the real problem here. Health wise he is in no shape to be dealing with the pressures of a stressful job environment. After 17 years his health has deteriorated and now is showing the affects. I agree with many of you that maybe taking a vacation or stepping out of the job scene for some weeks to find a new job might help in the job environment. It may also do more harm! stepping into a NEW high profiled job environment can be very stressful in the beginning. I think at a new job each one of us feels pressure to perform day in and day out. I dont think this will help Kam's health.

Kam if you havent read my earlier post, you need to stop the drinking and smoking. You need to get yourself into a fitness program. This environment is not what you may perceive it to be. After the first week you will be happy and feel part of the group, trust me you wont be the only guy in there trying to get into shape. Everyone in the gym or fitness classes respect the fact that your there caring about your health, people will tend to help you more if they know your trying to get back into better health conditions. It could be a real positive change of lifestyle for you and your family. Your kids will grow up seeing this and will end up growing up with the mentality of being fit and having a fun and healthy lifestyle.

If you are an older man, trust me there is no age limit for exercising, i see older guys that i know are in thier 40's and 50s that look better than i do lol PM if you have any questions.

Also this link may help you feel better.
http://realestate.yahoo.com/promo/americas-most-stressful-cities-2010

Ahriakin

I think you're focusing on one lifestyle element a bit too much. Yes it will help, but it certainly is not the root cause of the problem, or the primary cure...it's also one thing to keep fit at 30 vs. in 10 years (or more time). I used to run 3 miles a day until I was in my mid 30s, absolutely no way I can maintain the effort needed for that now. Plain old metabolism and other interests/responsibilities pile up and your priorities change.
Like I said yes you have a valid point, but it seems like you see it as the primary solution (if indeed there is even a primary solution to this at all), whereas I think most would see it as a beneficial side factor.

garv221

OP,

I hear you. I've been burned out before and quit my job as well, I'm still in my 20s lol..Took a 7 month break filled with doing whatever I want. I'm working again and enjoy it.

Mojo_666

chrisone wrote: »

Kam if you havent read my earlier post, you need to stop the drinking and smoking.

For me that was the only thing that kept me sane, I had to give up my Job and go contracting so I was happy with my life, once that was done I stopped drinking and hit the gym, next comes the smoking.

But I tell you, if you feel your life sucks and you give up those things it will suck even more, get rid of the stress then you can get rid of the things you turn to when stressed...you cannot just STOP, that is not how it works for most people.

If Kam is anything like me the drinking is habbit and so is the Job, the only addiction is the smoking, break those habbits 1 at a time until your head is in a place to deal with the addiction.

ajs1976

Is his health making his job more stressfull? Is his job ruining his health? Probably both.

I had that along with job stress affecting my marriage and marriage stress affecting my job. And health affecting my marriage and marriage aftering my health. Nasty little triangle.

Well the marriage situation is now resolved (divorce should be final soon). Now just need to resolve the health and job issues and then I can really start enjoying life again.

Good luck kam. Had a couple of those panic / stress attacks myself. Scary stuff. I think your solution may be a bit extreme. Take a vacation, figure out a plan, and start working towards it.

chrisone

A healthier body can maintain and deal with stress, period. A healthy body improves a healthy mentality/mood. The body and mind interact with each other.

@Ahriakin , i am not saying it is the only factor of his problems here. There are several facts one needs to outline here.

1. His health is in bad shape, 240 at 5'7 is not good.
2. All jobs/careers/professions have stress.
3. You will not run away from stress at work, perhaps lighten it up at a different company.
4. His bad health did not come from a profession. It came from a dedicated lifestyle that was not helping his condition. This could have happened with any profession, blaming it on a career choice is no excuse.
5. not wanting to exercise in your mid 30's to mid 40s is a lazy excuse. I dont mean to offend.
6. I.T. is not the ultimate hell hole where we are constantly working late hours.
7. Plenty of us find the time to be with family, personal time, and have just the same amount if not more work or stress levels.
8. The stronger and healthier you are , you will be able to maintain a positive attitude and outlook in life, regardless of how stressful your job/profession is. In the end his body has no idea why it is stressing out, only his mind.His body is reacting to the stress, for example his heart cannot think about the upcoming project at work lol If his body were healthy it could deal with the pressures regardless of where the stresses of life may come.

Sorry if i seem a little harsh but excuses of "my work schedule, age, or life routine" does not cut it for not being healthy. Another excuse of saying it was the career that i chose is why my life sucks is another lame excuse. you dont have to lift weights or goto the gym every night to be healthy. You can eat better, exercise here and there and be in very good shape. 2 to 3 hours out of 24x7= (168 ) hour week is nothing. If i sound mean just use that as a motivational tool because i believe we are all smart enough here to get up off our butts and be healthier! dont blame I.T.

@Mojo, going to the gym and transforming your life and health is not an easy process and cannot be done over night. I did not mention stopping smoking and drinking overnight. I am only addressing you cause you state that in your post after quoting me. I wasnt sure if you were aiming at me or not lol If i mis-read your post, i apologize.