Hey guys, I need some serious help. I'm in a bind in a bad way. I have an opportunity most folks would kill for and I'm completely (on paper) unqualified. The catch is that I can learn anything in 2 weeks. (ie. bumper-to-bumper ASE certified auto repair in 3 months). I'm taking my 220-701 tomorrow and my 220-702 Friday, but my contact at my potential employer wants my resume
tonight. '02-'04 I took the Cisco CCNA program at my high school and did very well, but didn't take the test (even though it would have been free

) because I was young and dumb. And I dropped out of Electrical Engineering, while I was doing well (3.2 GPA) because I was young, dumb, and didn't want to work at a desk all day. I served my time in the real world fixing cars and now my resume is a certified national disaster area. Please help?
Me
My Address
Email: me@gmail.comPhone: 555-555-5555
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Profile[/FONT]
Self-driven, loyal, precise, fast responder for all manners of tasks obsessed with learning and growing to be more useful to more people. [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]
Experience[/FONT]
Self-Employed: Technical Photographer – Automotive RepairSubcontracted through American Guardian Warranty Service, Inc. and Carr Appraisals, Inc.Skills Include:-Owning/operating business including all aspects of time management, technicial support, customer relations, and accounting/bookkeeping.-Technical writing to convey complex situations to contract managers offsite.-Effective communication with customers at various levels to maintain a cooperative reputation.-Maintaining, troubleshooting, and repairing information systems to ensure ability to receive and transmit reports and photos.Automotive Technician – _____ _____ ______
Address, Phone
Supervisor: _________
Skills Include:-Diagnosing, repairing, and maintaining all systems on the entire ____ line of vehicles.-Specialized in electrical systems including reading complex schematics and understanding unpublished internal schematics of control modules to diagnose faults.Automotive Technician – ______ _______
Address, Phone
Supervisor: ___________
Skills Include:-Specialized in electrical systems. Several times this required direct communication with _____ engineers in Sweden and once resulted in the publishing of a Technical Service Bulliten.-Assisted customers directly, at times after-hours, to provide the best customer service possible. [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]
Education[/FONT]
_____ County CollegeLocal, ST ZIP
Associate in Teaching, graduating spring 2012University of ____ at ____
Local, ST ZIP
35 credits toward B.S. Electrical Engineering before degree change [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]
Certifications[/FONT]
-ASE Master Technician -Lexus and GM Certified Technician -A+ by the end of the weekThe position being presented to me would be for a small local firm which provides call and on-site support for several small-mid sized businesses. How can I make the above better reflect my achievements in 5 years instead of my failures?