This made me LOL.

Blackout

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Network Engineer - Data Center jobs - Dice.com

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Johner

Blackout wrote: »

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Network Engineer - Data Center jobs - Dice.com

"An Avtex Data Center Network Engineer is the focal point for all customer requests for assistance."

Ok I'm 2 days old on this stuff and even I know this is wrong.

grauwulf

"no solo doers or thinkers wanted" ?

Have these people ever met a system admin before, much less a NOC monkey? woof!

N2IT

The admin who wrote that must of been coming off the junk. Check her/him for fresh puncture wounds.

This line cracked me up.

"You've been around long enough to know that you are really good at multi-tasking and the high pressure situations don't ruffle your feathers much at all. You keep your cool"

OH YEAH YOU KEEP YOUR COOL!

Hilarious!

I looked up their website here is another line from a service desk posting.

http://www.avtex.com/careers/positions/service-desk-analyst---phoenix

"If you have any prior knowledge working with banking applications (i.e., Banker’s Insight, Teller Insight, LaserPro) – great, we’ll give you an extra point! We do have a few staff who work with Mackintosh, so any general knowledge you bring there would be another point earned".

"You’re all about the team – communication and collaboration are a natural part of your DNA. You’re confident in your interactions with your customers but humble enough to shake a bit in your shoes when a Big Wig calls you directly with an issue. You’re naturally committed to meeting and exceeding our internal service level commitments".

Unbelievable

And another this is great!

http://www.avtex.com/careers/positions/account-executive-atlanta

"

You’re a pioneer, a hunter, a hands-on, roll-up-the-sleeves sales person who would be successful with a land line and a phonebook if the Internet died tomorrow. You’re solid when it comes to interacting with C-Level executives and have a known reputation for developing strong, customer-focused, strategic relationships. Yep, customer loyalty oozes naturally out of your interactions.
You cringe at the thought of “cold calling”. In fact, you’ve banned the term from your vocabulary. You’re a natural networker with an over-flowing rolodex, and when you reach out, it’s a warm call.
You’re passionate about IT – love IT, get IT and want to help clients solve their business issues through the use of IT. Your knowledge is grounded in Microsoft technologies and you have a solid foundation in selling IT consulting and solution services across multiple industries.
You strive to be associated with a leading IT consulting firm that is focused on optimizing our clients' interactions with their customers, employees, partners and prospects through the use of communication and collaboration technologies. The mission of achieving results resonates with you and you’re inspired and motivated to build something and relish in the fruits of your labor.
You have a knack for solving unsolvable challenges. (This is a new office, so scrappy resourcefulness and creativity is essential.) You’re a team player who proactively shares your knowledge and expertise with co-workers. You have vision, not for what we can be tomorrow, but for what we strive to be five years from now. And you have the strategic insight and expertise needed to drive our office toward that vision.

If you’re the right fit, keep reading:
As the Account Executive for Avtex, you’ll:

Play a crucial role in impacting our company's growth,
Build high-level strategic relationships with major accounts and prospects
Build on your established track record, including proven success with major accounts and executive-level selling, to meet and exceed quota,
Bring your experience selling via a “solution-selling” methodology,
Use your seasoned abilities around strong communication and speaking skills to your meetings and presentations to executive level potential customers,
Leverage your superior business and negotiation skills,
Collaborate with your colleagues to build strong and effective SOWs and responses to RFPs, and
Champion Avtex while engaging in social channels and networking events.

Required Experience / Why we’ll want to hire “you”

You’re an experienced sales professional with 8+ years of proven experience (and references who can speak to that). You’re a hunter, always have been, but have good farming skills, too.
You have direct sales experience in a consulting environment. You prefer to sell a vision more than a widget. You’re knowledgeable about technology consulting and you understand technology folks. You’re extremely comfortable in this space.
You are true entrepreneur at heart. You thrive being in control of their own destiny, and are happy getting there with minimal of supervision and guidance. Yet you value aligning your destiny with the corporate goal and objectives.
You’re a great Quarterback, who is collaborative and knows how to drive the team to reach their goals (or how you think you’ll get there-it’s okay to have bold ideas that fail in this role).
Your clients love you. Your co-workers love you. Because of this and your proven results, you’re indispensable. Your current employer will present you with a counter offer that includes a hunk-o-cash and a unicorn if you try to leave them. (Of course, you will not accept this counter-offer because you know Avtex is where you should be and the unicorn will understand.)
You love technology. You’re not an expert (we can provide those), but a strong generalist when it comes to technology.
Your DNA is comprised of collaboration and communication. It’s been decoded. You can prove this. (Note: Scientific proof not required; anecdotal proof is expected.)

Bingo – you’re it! Now what?
Okay. It’s decided. You’re convinced that you are just what Avtex needs and you want an opportunity to prove it to us. Send your well-crafted cover letter and resume to careers@Avtex.com. After we review your resume and think “Bingo”, you’ll hear from us!"

I don't know if they are just being funny or weird.

nel

hahahahaha thats so funny!

whoever applies for this post i would suggest that you GO GET EM GUYS!

Alif_Sadida_Ekin

I don't know why. I can't really put my finger on it, but there's something about these job postings that tell me I wouldn't enjoy working there. It just seems too over the top and enthusiastic.

mattlee09

Alif_Sadida_Ekin wrote: »

I don't know why. I can't really put my finger on it, but there's something about these job postings that tell me I wouldn't enjoy working there. It just seems too over the top and enthusiastic.

Agreed.

Trying too hard to sound like one of those 'darn fancy youngster startups', or a Zappos/Rackspace type.

lordy

I would never apply at a place that posts this type of position description. It's way too awkward.

carbonated

"I want all my groceries in one bag, but I don't want the bag to be heavy."

wastedtime

Those job advertisements remind me of Old Spice commercials.