Resigned. Lesson learned.

baseball1988

I have strong relationships with my colleagues. We go out to parties and have meals together quite often. One of my colleagues asked: "what is your career goal? do you enjoy working here?" and I accidentally told him that I have no intention of moving up within the department and my interest is within another department. It just slipped out of my mouth and thought he was someone I could trust. I think my colleague told my manager. My manager gave up on me since then and he put a lot of effort on another employee. My manager kept giving major responsibilities to a junior employee instead of me. It appears like my opportunity to switch to a different department is near impossible and I kind of lost motivation.

My colleague kept asking if I was going to look for another job. I said no. My assumption is that my manager is no longer going to promote me. In order to get into another department of my dream, I will have to work to the top within my current dept. I believe my colleague was trying to give me hints to leave. I tried to work extremely hard to show my enthusiasm again but it didn't work. I resigned and had another job lined up.

I just want to pass my message to other people on this forum!! Don't make the same mistake!

Anyone experience the same thing? Was there something I could have done?

Thanks,

Mr. Baseball1988.

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Comments

VAHokie56

Sounds like your colleague was kind of a terd

jamesp1983

VAHokie56 wrote: »

Sounds like your colleague was kind of a terd

These people are everywhere. I've been stabbed in the back by people I thought were friends when I was first starting out, but jealousy caused them to make stupid decisions. I've never lost a job over it or anything, but I've been surprised to find out what the person leaked to others (about my personal life that we discussed outside of work). It later backfired on them, but I learned a great lesson about what jealousy can do. Sorry to hear about this though.

Everyone

Navigating the social aspects of the work environment is an acquired skill, and it's different everywhere you go.

Every office has that person that will run and tell the boss everything. It may not have been this colleague you were talking to, it could have been someone else overhearing it, or he/she could have told someone else and it eventually made it to your manager.

Would your job have been a promotion to this colleague? Maybe he/she was after you job.

vCole

VAHokie56 wrote: »

Sounds like your colleague was kind of a terd

+1 for this. I've learned not to discuss these things with colleagues no matter how friendly you think you are.

nel

i would always keep personal goals close to my chest. People can easily get the wrong impression even if you dont mean it in a particular way. Did you sit down with your manager and discuss your initial issues. i.e. addressing the fact that you felt like you were being overlooked? Communication can be a good thing and could of cleared the air in many aspects.

Good luck in your new role. Is it in the kind of department you wanted to hop to?

bryanthetechie

VAHokie56 wrote: »

Sounds like your colleague was kind of a terd

This. Plus, your manager doesn't seem to be particularly business-focused. If you are good at your job and continue to show competence and potential, then they should work with you to keep you in the company. So you may not have long-term ambitions of working in the same department, but would the company benefit from keeping you as an employee? Would you make a good DBA, programmer, accountant, executive assistant, cafe manager, whatever? A good manager should keep the bigger picture in mind.

Also, did you have a chat with your boss once you found out that your colleague passed along that info? I always recommend that people actively manage their perceptions of others and others' perceptions of them. If you didn't work to manage your manager's perception of you as an employee of his or her department then you allowed this to happen. Sure, we all make slips of the tongue, but it's how we manage the fallout that keeps us our jobs.

erpadmin

Required reading for IT professionals...really anyone, but IT professionals especially. Best part is, both of these books are free on Amazon (via Kindle):

The Prince by Machiavelli

Art of War by Sun Tzu

They were written centuries ago...but the best takeaway from both is to become a master of misdirection (when it comes to office politics.) Also too...trust no one. The old adage of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer comes from this as well. But the trick is to not allow yourself to get sucked into a false sense of security.

While others are playing checkers....you're playing chess. (Arguably the most cliched line ever, but it is how to deal with the work environment the best.)

baseball1988

Thank you all for the tips and suggestions. I will also check out the Art of War by Sun Tzu novel.

Everyone wrote: »

Navigating the social aspects of the work environment is an acquired skill, and it's different everywhere you go.

Every office has that person that will run and tell the boss everything. It may not have been this colleague you were talking to, it could have been someone else overhearing it, or he/she could have told someone else and it eventually made it to your manager.

Would your job have been a promotion to this colleague? Maybe he/she was after you job.

No. He has no intention to move up because he is already a senior/supervisor role.

vCole wrote: »

+1 for this. I've learned not to discuss these things with colleagues no matter how friendly you think you are.

This is a lesson learned for me!

nel wrote: »

i would always keep personal goals close to my chest. People can easily get the wrong impression even if you dont mean it in a particular way. Did you sit down with your manager and discuss your initial issues. i.e. addressing the fact that you felt like you were being overlooked? Communication can be a good thing and could of cleared the air in many aspects.

Good luck in your new role. Is it in the kind of department you wanted to hop to?

Yes. My new job is the department I want to get into. I lucked out during the interview. Normally it requires about 3-5 years of experience but my SOON-TO-BE manager likes me. That is how I got the role.

bryanthetechie wrote: »

This. Plus, your manager doesn't seem to be particularly business-focused. If you are good at your job and continue to show competence and potential, then they should work with you to keep you in the company. So you may not have long-term ambitions of working in the same department, but would the company benefit from keeping you as an employee? Would you make a good DBA, programmer, accountant, executive assistant, cafe manager, whatever? A good manager should keep the bigger picture in mind.

Also, did you have a chat with your boss once you found out that your colleague passed along that info? I always recommend that people actively manage their perceptions of others and others' perceptions of them. If you didn't work to manage your manager's perception of you as an employee of his or her department then you allowed this to happen. Sure, we all make slips of the tongue, but it's how we manage the fallout that keeps us our jobs.

My boss is a smart person. His goal is to protect our department (ensure everything is running smooth) before he can transfer people to another department. The more people that resign within our department, then nobody will be able to transfer to another department until everything is sailing fine again. He does know I have the potential. My relationship with the manager was quite solid before. It went downhill after I *accidentally* told my colleague that I didn't want to become a lead/supervisor for the department. The problem is that I don't know if my colleague told the manager or not...I am 75% sure he did...but I don't have any proof. So, I rather not discuss this with the manager.

This is a lesson learned kind of thing for me. Hope nobody else does the same!

blargoe

Over years I have learned that those types of conversations are only appropriate between myself and my manager. I'm not going to share too much about my motivation and future career goals with co-workers, and I try to be careful airing my grievances as well.

baseball1988

blargoe wrote: »

Over years I have learned that those types of conversations are only appropriate between myself and my manager. I'm not going to share too much about my motivation and future career goals with co-workers, and I try to be careful airing my grievances as well.

Yes. I finally learned from my mistake. I am a very easy-going or honest type of person. I am well liked by many colleagues throughout the organization. But, it was my mistake to tell a colleague about my career passion/goal to work in another department. Again, this is why my SOON-TO-BE manager hired me...because I was very honest during the interview. This thread isn't to talk about myself. But, to tell ALL of you to be careful as well.

hackman2007

In the future when you go out to parties with your new coworkers, try to avoid talking about work at all. It only leads to problems. By talking about work, it's only a matter of time before you or someone else says something about the manager/company/etc.

njkt

Prior to rotating from japan to america, i had become quite bitter with the organization and everyone knew it.

One thing my division officer said to me before i left for good was "I know you worked your butt off here, we're going to miss you. But, when you get to your next command make sure you keep your intentions to yourself. You can't do yourself any favors if everyone knows you're just going to leave in the next year. Poker cards close to your chest man."

Applies to all aspects of life too.

Zartanasaurus

This is why I don't hang out with co-workers outside of work.

tpatt100

Back when I worked retail somebody in another department overheard me talking about my IT certifications and what my goals were.

Later the store manager called me up front and took me outside to "talk to me". He told me "a little bird" told him what I had said ( I figured out who it was) and I told the store manager "its no secret I am going to school for IT and I already passed two certs, this is not my career choice its a part time job. I perform as expected and never call in sick so I am not doing anything wrong".

He told me "yeah that's fine just warning you we have some douch# bags that will tattle no matter what like it will impress me".

petedude

Everyone wrote: »

Navigating the social aspects of the work environment is an acquired skill, and it's different everywhere you go.

Every office has that person that will run and tell the boss everything. It may not have been this colleague you were talking to, it could have been someone else overhearing it, or he/she could have told someone else and it eventually made it to your manager.

Would your job have been a promotion to this colleague? Maybe he/she was after you job.

+1 for the above.

There are some environments and people you can open up to, but they're quite rare. Usually you will encounter them, move on, then reflect upon them with a mixture of sad and joyful nostalgia.

Turgon

baseball1988 wrote: »

I have strong relationships with my colleagues. We go out to parties and have meals together quite often. One of my colleagues asked: "what is your career goal? do you enjoy working here?" and I accidentally told him that I have no intention of moving up within the department and my interest is within another department. It just slipped out of my mouth and thought he was someone I could trust. I think my colleague told my manager. My manager gave up on me since then and he put a lot of effort on another employee. My manager kept giving major responsibilities to a junior employee instead of me. It appears like my opportunity to switch to a different department is near impossible and I kind of lost motivation.

My colleague kept asking if I was going to look for another job. I said no. My assumption is that my manager is no longer going to promote me. In order to get into another department of my dream, I will have to work to the top within my current dept. I believe my colleague was trying to give me hints to leave. I tried to work extremely hard to show my enthusiasm again but it didn't work. I resigned and had another job lined up.

I just want to pass my message to other people on this forum!! Don't make the same mistake!

Anyone experience the same thing? Was there something I could have done?

Thanks,

Mr. Baseball1988.

Difficult to say if what you confided got back to the higher ups directly so be careful of assumptions there. In business its best to have two faces. One needs to be sufficiently open with coworkers so they feel you are someone they trust and can work with. The second has no place in business, that of your personal aspirations. The target driven, pie chart reality of today's organisations sees personal ambition as a threat. Other than aligning your desires to business objectives during an appraisal, keep your mouth shut as to where you want to be. That especially includes coworkers who in the long run owe you nothing formally. One bad engagement with them and they are free to tell whoever they want what you confided to them one time once they have decided they would rather not work with you anymore unless forced to.

Turgon

njkt wrote: »

Prior to rotating from japan to america, i had become quite bitter with the organization and everyone knew it.

One thing my division officer said to me before i left for good was "I know you worked your butt off here, we're going to miss you. But, when you get to your next command make sure you keep your intentions to yourself. You can't do yourself any favors if everyone knows you're just going to leave in the next year. Poker cards close to your chest man."

Applies to all aspects of life too.

Correct.

anobomski

i make it a point not to hang out with colleagues unless necessary. the more you drink, the looser your tongue gets.

dontstop

In my past jobs i was the same as the OP - I was happy to tell people everything about me, what was happening in my life & anything work related and then i started to realize that when push came to shove they had so much ammo on me and i had nothing back. When times got tuff people would use this information to back up their point, they would mention it freely to others who may/may not of used it in a malicious way.

I have slowly learned to try and curb this bad habit to only people i trust in my work place. I have started to form a bond with certain colleagues that is a 2 way communication channel - if you remember back at school you had some very close mates, if you don't have this kind of trust then dont tell them squat. Smile and be nice.

Also i would not become dead socially to your work place like some have said, this can make you quickly look like an introvert and this can hamper your progress. The quite guy who sits in his office comes in at 8am leaves at 4pm and never comes out to functions or parties and just says "Hello" & "Goodbye" is the person no one remembers and typically if your boss is looking for someone to recommend for a promotion... if he cannot remember your name or worse if you even exist your not going to go anywhere. You need to become the master of small talk without giving too much detail away.

I agree with most, that this is a lesson/skill that takes time to craft over the years and the sooner you can learn it (like in your case now) the better. My main advice for others would be to also play the game - but play it like a sportsman - understand that there are rules and best ways of doing things and sometimes you need to use tactics because everyone else is also out there to win - like sometimes even though you would like to tell others about your qualifications & what your currently learning etc it's better to keep it close to your chest. Think about Lance Armstrong, i'm pretty sure he does not give away his training and diet information to competitors, if you have a good formula keep it to your chest and don't feel bad about it. Everyone else is only looking out for themselves. Also don't feel like you need to be everyones friend.

dontstop

But also as well i forgot to add this to my previous post - share as much as you can with people who are willing to learn and who you can see making an effort to be friends or learn from you or with you.

djfunz

A very simple solution for the future. Never confess any personal feelings or intentions regarding work to co-workers. It can only do harm and never good. That's what we have "real" friends and family for. Easier said then done of course though.

kevozz

Also remember what you blurted out to your friend and what you would have told your manager were probably two completely different things. Like the difference you wrote in post #1 and #9. Just a lesson learned.

ayori

I had two colleagues from my previous job who got fired because of a facebook post. Well, it was a long story but that triggered it.

blargoe

ayori wrote: »

I had two colleagues from my previous job who got fired because of a facebook post. Well, it was a long story but that triggered it.

Precisely why I never, never, ever add any co-workers to my friends list even if they send an invite. But I guess we could have a whole thread on just that topic

dontstop

Ummmmmm yeehhhhhh blargoe i'm guna need you to move your office... down to the basement, and ummmm i'm going to need to take back my stapler... yeehhhhh

baseball1988

Here is the latest update about my story:

There is some bas**** at my current workplace who gossip and spread my news very quickly. I resigned about a week ago. Only 3 people knew about my new employer.

1. The first person is my former supervisor who left the company a while ago (used him as my reference)
2. The second person is a colleague who still works at my current employer (used him as my reference)
3. The third person is my current supervisor (he asked where I am going AFTER a few days of my resignation and I told him...i may have him as my future reference so i didn't want to say "i can't tell you"... eventually he will find out)

Strange points:

~ My manager was NOT shocked when I resigned. It appears like he found out even before I walked into his office. Upon my resignation, he asked: you found a new job? I said yes. You going going for X position. I said yes. I find it strange for him to know the exact job title when I didn't even tell him in the beginning. So, i believe my references told him...Imagine if I didn't get the job offer...i would be stuck in an awkward situation.

~ One colleague of mine managed to FIGURE out about the company I will be going to. Either from 1. or 2.
It can't be 3. because I know he respect me and he even said "i will let you share your news with others".

I have about a couple more days before I leave...I am wondering if there is anything I should be concern of right now? I don't want anyone to interfere and I want a smooth transition. I know some people are jealous. I just don't want people at my current company to contact my FUTURE company and start saying bad things about me to ruin my opportunity (even though there isn't anything bad about me in the beginning). Most of them are nice but also have 2-face kind of personality.

erpadmin

Actually, if you ever had proof that your jealous co-workers did talk smack behind your back to the new company, you have grounds to sue your former company (and your former coworkers to boot) for defamation, and a whole myriad of things. (It's all part of employment law...and it's the reason why HR folks can and will only verify employment and salary, etc.)

I wouldn't bank on your coworkers being that dumb though...but if they are, you will at least have grounds.

Listen, don't worry about it. Have a Merry Christmas, enjoy the holidays with loved ones, and then look toward the future. Learn at the next job to be a bit more Machiavellian and keep a good distance from your coworkers, but not so far that you don't know what's going on, but far enough where you don't become subject of gossip [of importance, anyway]...(by doing this, you will see who else subscribes to that way of thinking too...there's almost always at least one other guy/gal...)

baseball1988

Erpadmin,

Thank you for explaining a bit about the employment law. I feel a bit better after reading your post.

Have a nice Merry Christmas and happy holidays!! Wish everyone a happy new year 2012 as well!

RobertKaucher

erpadmin wrote: »

Required reading for IT professionals...really anyone, but IT professionals especially. Best part is, both of these books are free on Amazon (via Kindle):

The Prince by Machiavelli

Art of War by Sun Tzu

They were written centuries ago...but the best takeaway from both is to become a master of misdirection (when it comes to office politics.) Also too...trust no one. The old adage of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer comes from this as well. But the trick is to not allow yourself to get sucked into a false sense of security.

While others are playing checkers....you're playing chess. (Arguably the most cliched line ever, but it is how to deal with the work environment the best.)

You know, I honestly have to say that I don't see the point in so much of this. Having worked as a manager before I know the importance of mentoring and even if someone in my department has ultimate goals that are outside of my department it does not make them useless nor someone whom I would simply cast off.

If your boss really gave a crap about the company and about the people who worked for him he would have already asked you what your goals were a long time ago. If you work for someone who is playing chess, he would know what your goals were and it would influence his strategy for where to best place you as a player. The manager still playing checkers is the guy who thinks his pieces only move in one direction...

erpadmin

RobertKaucher wrote: »

You know, I honestly have to say that I don't see the point in so much of this. Having worked as a manager before I know the importance of mentoring and even if someone in my department has ultimate goals that are outside of my department it does not make them useless nor someone whom I would simply cast off.

If your boss really gave a crap about the company and about the people who worked for him he would have already asked you what your goals were a long time ago. If you work for someone who is playing chess, he would know what your goals were and it would influence his strategy for where to best place you as a player. The manager still playing checkers is the guy who thinks his pieces only move in one direction...

I would hope that no one has to work under a boss who is adversarial. Otherwise, I would straight up leave a job with someone like that. That earlier advice is more for how to handle coworkers/office politics. I was introduced to the earlier books in high school (in fact, they were required reading for my history classes.) One should always be upfront with the boss, but something the boss has his own agenda, and expects his subordanates to follow it. But what I was addressing were adversarial coworkers. I thankfully don't have to deal with that too much as we all have our own hustles, and our own personal issues do not clashes with each other. But every shop is different.