Cisco certification claims another one.

So My fiance is moving out.

I've been ignoring her and putting all my efforts into studying and learning cisco stuffs. I passed my CCNA, but learning the CCNP material has me doing a vicious cycle of "Sleep""Study""Work/Study""Sleep". She's been unhappy at home, because i'm always at work. We discuss/fight about it constantly.

I'm sure you're asking yourself: "Why? is this a post?"

Well, most of us, cisco or not can at one time understand the sacrifices we make to study, or not to study. That's why I made this thread.

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Comments

JDMurray

Dude, this has nothing to do with Cisco. Instead, it has everything to do with you using your Cisco certification studies as a (lame) reason to ignore your fiance. Human relationships always come first. Figure out what your problems are and make a mature decision if your relationship is worth saving or not. Either way it wall save you a lot of needless pain.

ptilsen

I'm inclined to agree with JD. In the long run, taking a few extra weeks or months for a certification doesn't matter. If you're with somebody that's actually important to you, she (or he) should matter more. You don't have to give up studying, but you do have to balance it. I appreciate how hard it is, but if you really wanted to marry her, you made the wrong choice.

Puffy

Roguetadhg, while I don't know your situation completely, I'm going to have to agree with JD and ptilsen; you should really sit down in a park or something and quietly assess whether it was worth it for you to ignore your fiance in favor of getting more CCNP study time in, maybe discuss the pros and cons to yourself and examine what effects it may have on you in the long run.

Personally, I love to learn new technologies and I could see why you would do this, matter of fact, I stopped playing games just to study for my CCNP, not because I needed to but because I really enjoy doing it. Playing MMOs just don't give me the same level of satisfaction that Odom's ROUTE book does and don't even let me get started about Doyle's Routing TCP/IP.

I barely communicate with my college friends much these days, except for the occasional times when I try to encourage them to stop playing around or they would regret it later in their life. My schedule is a bit similar to yours; go to my classes, come home, take a shower, start my music playlist on low volume, grab a pot of tea, whip out my flash cards and Odom's book, then

with the occasional breaks where I absorb myself in some US politics (Ron Paul 2012

) and of course, some techexams lurking.

rogerp007

Seriously dude, CCNP is not more important than your fiance!

You need to arrange with her times when you study and times when you are together, if it is understood then you will be fine. Don't blame her leaving on getting the CCNP, it is because you have not planned your study time with her, and she is feeling like all you ever do is sit at the computer.

I am currently studying for the CCIE and believe me you need a lot more hours, I had a chat with my wife and there are evenings where I study all night and evenings that I spend with her, 1 day at the weekend we are together 1 day I study, we both know where we are and she is not feeling second place to the computer.

If you love her get her back and put the cisco certifications into perspective!

higherho

Don't blame him for all of it. I agree you should not totally ignore her but if she loved you enough to want to marry you she should also understand that a time might come when you need to solely focus on your studies (master degree, higher end certifications, etc). My brother in law had to study and finish his masters for his job and their were times were he was on the same schedule but his wife understood and she also knew that it was only a temporary thing.

To be honest, she sounds very immature if she could not understand your career goals and what you need to do to obtain them.

Novalith478

I agree with everyone else here.

Think of it this way. When you're finished your CCNP and have whatever job you want, etc., you will be alone because your fiance left you. So are the extra months study time really worth ending up being alone?

If you don't truly love her or go get her back, then you need to re-evaluate why she's your fiance to begin with.

higherho

Novalith478 wrote: »

I agree with everyone else here.

Think of it this way. When you're finished your CCNP and have whatever job you want, etc., you will be alone because your fiance left you. So are the extra months study time really worth ending up being alone?

And you can throw this same logic back at her. My wife is still in school and needs to focus on it 100% should I leave her because she's not spending as much time with me?

If you don't truly love her or go get her back, then you need to re-evaluate why she's your fiance to begin with.

If she truly loved him she would have supported him and been patient.

Zentraedi

That sucks, but it's really hard to judge the situation without knowing more.

Did you try working out a plan with her?

That may not always work though. Some people just won’t compromise. I was in a relationship where it had to be either all or nothing; one person submitting and the dominating. Either she would plan out every minute of my day demanding that I be right by her side while not at work or I would have to completely ignore her(less grief than partially giving-in).
Lol, I remember one Sunday when I was living with my ex, I asked in morning, “Can we plan a 2 hour window of quiet so that I can take a practice test?” That was flatly rejected because apparently “she couldn’t plan when she might vacuum”. Ugh.

joshmadakor

Zentraedi wrote: »

That sucks, but it's really hard to judge the situation without knowing more.

Exactly this.

If she really loved you, she'd understand.
If you really loved her, you wouldn't be ignoring her.

etc.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about this.

Novalith478

higherho wrote: »

And you can throw this same logic back at her. My wife is still in school and needs to focus on it 100% should I leave her because she's not spending as much time with me?

If she truly loved him she would have supported him and been patient.

This is true, I would've said that but I don't know enough.

Bottom line is: talk to your fiance. Communication is key, especially in relationships. Just talk. I'm sure you can reach a compromise too.

N2IT

This word keeps coming to mind Balance.

Without the proper balance you get these situations. That's why I all but stopped certifications because the gal doesn't appreciate me holing up for hours at a time while she is left alone. I admit I have had bouts of this, but I have decided to stop. Pass or fail I am done for a long while. In part because I am burnt out and so is she. And in part because I start an MBA program. Don't ask me why but she is on board with the degree always has been. Never once complained about getting a way for school courses, but certifications in her minds eye is a waste of time.

No arguing no sneaking around studying for certs. I'll just do it and I am ready for it.

Good luck to the OP. Dedication is great, but sometimes being at the top can be lonely.

Eildor

Roguetadhg wrote: »

So My fiance is moving out.

I've been ignoring her and putting all my efforts into studying and learning cisco stuffs. I passed my CCNA, but learning the CCNP material has me doing a vicious cycle of "Sleep""Study""Work/Study""Sleep". She's been unhappy at home, because i'm always at work. We discuss/fight about it constantly.

I'm sure you're asking yourself: "Why? is this a post?"

Well, most of us, cisco or not can at one time understand the sacrifices we make to study, or not to study. That's why I made this thread.

Young people like myself who don't have any major responsibilities should take note of this and make sure they use the time they have now wisely... because it's not easy to study when you have a wife, kids, job etc.

JustFred

It's all about communication.

Before i started my CCNA journey, we had a long chat about the sacrifices that needs to be made. I work 40+ hours a week, go to Uni twice a week after work and am usually home around 11PM, and I'm also studying for my CCNA and after that Linux and then continue with CCNP.

I told her all about this and she was pretty much worried about my health saying 5 hours a night sleep was not healthy and even forced me to set the alarm at 5 AM instead of 4:30 AM.

We have made a plan and i have my study time, she usually makes sure I'm not bothered by anything or anyone and on Friday and Saturday evenings is our time together. We go to a movie, maybe eat out or just spend time watching star trek at home and just having fun.

I guess am lucky though i think you need to communicate with your partner and let her know how important certain things are to you. My girlfriend has been a great support in all my endeavors and am grateful for that.

Just be open with her and everything will fall in place.

My 2 cents.

PS: I think she's going to kill me if i don't nail the CCNA exam

vinbuck

Sounds like there is a lack of communication and different expectations on both sides. Talk to her and find out what her biggest issue is - is it the isolation or the fact that you haven't communicated to her why you are doing it. Do you have a clear plan laid out for where you want your career to go that you can show her?

Marriage is a lot, lot, lot, lot, lot, lot harder. It's the CCIE of relationships. You will spend your entire life trying to get it right and it requires an enormous amount of sacrifice, especially once there are rugrats in the picture. I get up at 5 am almost every day just to study for the CCNP when it's quiet and my two year old isn't bouncing off the walls. Then I try study again after my little guy goes to bed. It's all about perspective and balance. And all of us, myself included let that balance slip from time to time.

Bottom line......If you couldn't resolve your differences between something as basic as studying for a professional certification, then marriage is probably not a wise choice because you will face much tougher challenges and you don't get to just walk away.

vCole

FredWatanabe wrote: »

It's all about communication.

This x 98576984586945. My girlfriend and I live over an hour apart. I work 8-5 (in reality 8-some time after 5) and she works third (11PM-7AM Wed-Sunday). So you can imagine, it's pretty tough to see each. On the other hand, we communicate so well with each other that the distance/time apart really doesn't seem as bad. She's very supportive of everything I do, all she asks is 1 day with me a week (which in reality, is only 4-5 hours). It's not your Cisco studies, or whatever else that would take a good chunk of your time up. There's a huge gap in communication there it seems. Unless she/you both were unhappy prior to this.

DevilWAH

Man I do a 7 to 7 commute and 3 or 4 hours study a day average.

Yet I still find time every night to

cook dinner and eat with my wife,
bath and put my daughter to bed,
and spend at least on hour or two watching TV or just chilling out with here after the little one has gone to bed.

I would never put my work/study before my family, but my wife knows the career I have chosen and how much I love learning, so she allows me to get on with it. If she wants me to come home early, or leave studying so we can go out, then she knows all she has to do is ask.

I do wonder all these people who say the lose there partners to work/study, what other thing you spend your time doing! Gaming? going out with mates?

Marriage is not hard, 5 years never any real arguments, I think marriage is great, like people have said its all about communication and making sure the time you do spend to together is great. its really really simple, you spend 100% of your time making sure your partner is happy, they spend 100% of there time making sure you are happy. Problems are solved, My wife knows I love being a geek so she encourages me to indulge my self in it. I know my wife loves to watch "come dine with me" so I subject me self to watching it with her. And we both enjoy seeing each other happy. Easy.

Psoasman

Communication and time management are so important. When I am home, my time is devoted to family. I am fortunate enough to be able to study some at work. I still get up early in the morning to workout / study, so it doesn't eat into family time. My wife understands I need time to study, if its been busy at work because I'll be able to get a better job once I've gotten my degree done.

veritas_libertas

Eildor wrote: »

Young people like myself who don't have any major responsibilities should take note of this and make sure they use the time they have now wisely... because it's not easy to study when you have a wife, kids, job etc.

Agreed. If you can devote yourself to your career before you find that special someone than do it instead of constantly goofing off. It's worth it. Unfortunately some of us didn't get serious about life until we found that person

Roguetadhg

We had a long talk. Apparently when I said "Im going to work" people were whispering "Working on another woman".

She [used to] work for the same company I did, so she seen when I was reorganizing my office. She didn't see the latest version of my office. I tried to explain to her the setup, the fact I have 2 keyboards, 3 books, 4 monitors so I can work and study at the same time.

I keep in mind that this is the only woman I've met that approved of me having dual-screens at home. She found she was able to work better, and missed it when I took them to work. Other women I brought home to my old apartment tended to glaze over and think I just play games.

Since she's a study-person and went for her masters, I figured she would understand. I took her to show her that what I was talking about wasn't crazy. Even though it sounded crazy to me, just trying to explain it all. I showed her, I think she understood after I showed her that I wasn't lying.

We'll see how it pans out in the long-term.

I think at most I've bought more time. Shes been unhappy being by herself at home so I only see it a matter of time it'll crop up again.

JeanM

Nothing more to add, lots of of good has been said

My fiance supports my ccna lab/studying more so than my autocross/car hobby LOL. I work 7am-4pm M-F and attend college M/W from 6pm to 10pm.

It is all about communication and time management and understanding.

Maybe once a week or other week take a trip somewhere / downtown (not sure where you are) with her and spend time together. It also helps you not get all burned out too.

Roguetadhg

Yeah. She didn't approve of me spending days to wash, polish, wax my RX-8. >< But I think she got a kick out of it when I tried to polish it with a rotary buffer.

swild

My first wife left me because I was too focused on other things (career & education). I have to say that I would have never been able to be happy with her and I am glad things worked out like they did (even though I was miserably depressed at the time).

My second wife understands that I am trying to get a better income for both of us. There have been a couple of times when I couldn't go somewhere with her when she wanted and she jokingly said that I should stop trying to better myself. When I found her, I knew how perfect she was and dropped everything else in order to court her. Now we have been married for 4 years and I have started back to school. We both know that we will be happier once I am finished with my education and are sticking it out. It's definitely not easy and I have given up all of my friends because she is more important than them and I don't have time for both.

I know it is cliche, but when you find "the one" you will know it and you will do what it takes to keep her. If your current girlfriend doesn't understand, then she isn't the one and it's better for you both if she leaves now.

Psoasman

veritas_libertas wrote: »

Agreed. If you can devote yourself to your career before you find that special someone than do it instead of constantly goofing off. It's worth it. Unfortunately some of us didn't get serious about life until we found that person

That's a good point. When you are single, you only have yourself to worry about, so "there's always time for that later on" But, when you meet that someone and you are suddenly responsible for more than just you, it takes a lot more planning and communication to make things work. You also have that stimulus when you are the provider to succeed. I work much harder now at studying and working because my family depends on me.

veritas_libertas

Psoasman wrote: »

That's a good point. When you are single, you only have yourself to worry about, so "there's always time for that later on" But, when you meet that someone and you are suddenly responsible for more than just you, it takes a lot more planning and communication to make things work. You also have that stimulus when you are the provider to succeed. I work much harder now at studying and working because my family depends on me.

Yup. I use spare time at work, and maybe an hour when I'm at home. It's interesting when you think about how many hours you have in a week and how little your family really does see you. If you work from 8:00 to 5:00 and it takes you maybe an hour to get to home, and then you get to bed at 9 or 10, than they get maybe 5 hrs of you each day. Then if you decide throw in 2hrs of study when you get home than you can kind of understand why they might hate your certification studies.

higherho

Remember its not just communication but perception of that communication. Many marriages fail simply because of that fact alone. they simply do not understand their partner.

Ch@rl!3m0ng

DevilWAH wrote: »

I know my wife loves to watch "come dine with me" so I subject me self to watching it with her.

I feel your pain man

Our lass loves this as well. Also ghipsy wedding!!! I just get my tablet out and study which she watches it.

DevilWAH

Ch@rl!3m0ng wrote: »

I feel your pain man Our lass loves this as well. Also ghipsy wedding!!! I just get my tablet out and study which she watches it.

Oh yes Gipsy wedding, I get that one two. Even more upsetting is when I actually start to enjoy it.... then I know its time to study

Still would not have my wife any other way

kurosaki00

lol why would she need to approve you having dual monitors? wuut?
My gf does get angry at me for stuff like just throwing clothes into the shelves but thats me just being lazy.
Dual monitors is another thing.

Anyways, I do agree with JD, there is always time for a bit of commuting/relationship.
gf in dental school, I work full time and doing M.S.
If we really dont have time, we just sit together and study n drink coffee together
Is not healthy for you to invest all your time in just studying and work, because its gonna be like that for a while!
You need to have fun and spend time with your lady and family.

VAHokie56

This seems easy...stop studying so much and put in some QT with your fiance. Cisco exams are not going anywhere...

cknapp78

FredWatanabe wrote: »

We go to a movie, maybe eat out or just spend time watching star trek at home and just having fun.

Holy Warp Factor 8!!! Your wife actually enjoys watching Star Trek? God...I have to watch Netflix at night on an iPad for my weekly dose of Star Trek or StarGate. In all seriousness, we like almost every other show the other likes....she just hates SciFi which is one of my guilty pleasures.