Dealing with the opposite sex at work

For the people here that work with attractive women, what are some of your TIPS on dealing with it. I've been use to only seeing a bunch of IT guys or working from home. Recently I've been going on site and I notice them and they notice me. It wasn't a big deal until I worked with this one woman now she always sends me emails or is Im'ing me, and her tone is a little to open when we have phone conversations. Keep in mind I just got married last year so I wonder if marriage has anything to do with it.

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Bl8ckr0uter

Turgon wrote: »

Or just go home and bang one out.

This.

When I first started dating my then gf now wife a coworker approached me. I told her I was in a relationship but she basically didn't care. Eventually it became too much to handle and I told her that I would tell HR. She told me she didn't care. Knowing she had a young son (whom I didn't want to go hungry) I did the next best thing: I told my gf. She talked to her and I didn't hear anything from here. Plus it was a major turn on to see my gf put her in her place.

Plantwiz wrote: »

@shodown,
If you are married, why do you think this woman is hitting on you?
Just because a cute guy or girl says something nice or fun doesn't mean there is somethine else tied to it.

There are some females out there that SPECIALIZE in getting married men. There are CCIEs in adultery out there. No lie. I remember when I worked at a fast food joint and one of my managers said she was willing to **** on her fiance for some fun with me (I really should wanted to as she was so beautiful but I respect relationships so I just couldn't. I had more cold showers because of her than I care to admit).

Plantwiz

Bl8ckr0uter wrote: »

..
There are some females out there that SPECIALIZE in getting married men.

People suck

There are men who hit on anything with legs and boobs though too.
And one thing that helps is simply delaying marriage and serious relationships until this nonsense is flushed out and one CAN commit to a spouse for life. Nevertheless, crossing over that marriage line or forcing another to do so really says a bit about that person's character (IMO).

And those who have recommended methods to satisfy these feelings likely offer up good advice.

There are CCIEs in adultery out there. No lie. I remember when I worked at a fast food joint and one of my managers said she was willing to **** on her fiance for some fun with me (I really should wanted to as she was so beautiful but I respect relationships so I just couldn't. I had more cold showers because of her than I care to admit).

It would take a rare non-IT person who would know the significance of a CCIE over anyone else, so perhaps you just have a 'way' about you

it_consultant

Turgon wrote: »

It doesn't matter who is a married. Never shag a woman you work with. Honestly, it's the best policy!

My wife was a client of mine.

alxx

Turgon wrote: »

It doesn't matter who is a married. Never shag a woman you work with. Honestly, it's the best policy!

+10,000

erpadmin

Listen...don't be that "I'll run to HR guy...." believe me, you want to save HR for some serious issues. You go to HR for this....believe me, it will get out, and you will be looked at a bit differently...

If this lady is impacting your work directly, then yeah, that might be a bit different. But if she's just some chick in another department, who you might happen to bump into and she starts talkin' the yap...you just simply keep it moving.

Yes, sex at work is never a good idea, but we're human beings. Doing "the professional thing" only gets you so far. I work on a college campus and being here on the first week of the fall semester is always a treat for me. However, I'm just content with looking (from a respectful distance, and without looking like a creep about it...lol) I don't hit on students at all. (Professional and of course, wifey....

).

Just to define sexual harassment for you guys, for sexual harassment to have been committed (and I'm talking about the US...don't know or care how other countries define it), the harasser MUST be told that the unwanted behavior is not welcomed. If the harasser continues to persist, then yeah you'll have to pursue other options. But, personally, and maybe it's a sexist thing on the part of males, I wouldn't run to HR UNLESS there was a serious issue...some chick wanting to hit on you....well some guys would call that a bonus. LOL. There would have to be some boiling bunnies or something to run to HR.

the_Grinch

Mad props to this thread as I have really enjoyed it! While I want to agree with the "don't crap where you eat", I happen to be in an office full of good looking women...oh you're having a problem with your computer? I'll be right over! All kidding aside, I treat each person equally as everyone is very very nice where I am at. To the op, reiterate that you are married and you believe in the institution of marriage (I would put it that way if being subtle isn't working). I have a lot of respect for married people as it is probably one of the hardest things to do (I always joke that I can barely put up with myself, can't imagine anyone else could). I also agree with leaving HR out of it, besides the stigma of being a male and saying you've be sexually harassed, HR should be the last resort. Having just completed my sexual harassment training it seems that the whole process is a giant pain in the butt and once that ball starts rolling there is no stopping it.

If you haven't seen "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" I highly suggest it. At one point Sidney gets told by his boss that there have been complaints from the female staff members that he had been skulking by the water cooler. Sidney replies "but you always chat up the staff!" to which his boss replies "When I do it, it's called flirting. When you do it, it's sexual harassment." LOL love that film!

Forsaken_GA

I've been involved in some weird triangles... the strangest was the co-worker who's husband and she became roommates, and then he stepped out on her when she got pregnant, so she stepped out on him with me.

The one thing I've learned from getting involved with married women is that there is no such thing as sex good enough to put up with all that drama. I don't discuss my private life at work, and I don't bring my private life into work. If I get a whiff of a coworker flirting with me, I ignore it. If it persists, I tell her flat out that I'm not interested. Since I'm kind of a dick, and have a way of getting my point across, it tends to end there.

UnixGuy

I work for a service provider, and no I think it's not healthy to be friends with clients at all (males or females). Your job is to fix the technical problems. Of course, random conversations with clients are okay, but not to the extent of IM's. I once had to train clients, most of them were females, and some IM'ed me technical questions ===> I didn't even reply, and they understood. Some asked me why I didn't reply, and I simply told them that I don't check my IM' messages, and advised them to use email instead.

If you are too friendly with clients, they will start asking you to do things outside the scope of your job (like shaging for example

) don't do it!

anobomski

UnixGuy wrote: »

If you are too friendly with clients, they will start asking you to do things outside the scope of your job (like shaging for example ) don't do it!

that could be seen as a perquisite of the job. anyway to the Op, if you get hot under the collar you could (literally) take matters into your own hands. wink wink

tpatt100

Ask her if she wants to see your Pez collection, that might scare her off.

Miski

shodown wrote: »

For the people here that work with attractive women, what are some of your TIPS on dealing with it. I've been use to only seeing a bunch of IT guys or working from home. Recently I've been going on site and I notice them and they notice me. It wasn't a big deal until I worked with this one woman now she always sends me emails or is Im'ing me, and her tone is a little to open when we have phone conversations. Keep in mind I just got married last year so I wonder if marriage has anything to do with it.

Pretend to be oblivious to the open tone of her conversation, deflect from anything too personal and keep the work/home divide.

I'm fine with my male colleagues. They are all lovely but we understand banter and harmless flirting is just that, meaningless. I've seen some crazy drama that has led to the only other female in my department leaving because she slept with the manager who was married and the wife found out and it all blew up. Not worth it

joshmadakor

Turgon wrote: »

Never shag a woman you work with.

This /thread

Edit: Or just seed her good, and reap the consequences.

LinuxRacr

^^^

When I was young and dumb someone once told me the following: "Never get your honey from where you get your money...."

DevilWAH

Turgon wrote: »

Never shag a woman you work with. Honestly, it's the best policy!

Unless your prepared to end up marrying them! Met my wife at work and it all worked out great

Just don't have affairs and don't get caught up in other peoples. And remember the fall out can be hard if it doesn't work out.

jmasterj206

tpatt100 wrote: »

Ask her if she wants to see your Pez collection, that might scare her off.

That doesn't always work either. I once had a girl that I wasn't interested in at work that was looking for the horizontal mambo ask "What was I doing tonight?" As a joke I told her I was going to dust off my Star Wars collection. I wish I was making this up, but she asked to come over and see my light saber. I do have to give her credit though it was pretty funny.

RomBUS

jmasterj206 wrote: »

That doesn't always work either. I once had a girl that I wasn't interested in at work that was looking for the horizontal mambo ask "What was I doing tonight?" As a joke I told her I was going to dust off my Star Wars collection. I wish I was making this up, but she asked to come over and see my light saber. I do have to give her credit though it was pretty funny.

LOL that is hilarious

BradleyHU

Turgon wrote: »

Never shag a woman you work with.

/thread

as temptin as it may be, even if you're single, its just not a good idea...

cyberguypr

jmasterj206 wrote: »

That doesn't always work either. I once had a girl that I wasn't interested in at work that was looking for the horizontal mambo ask "What was I doing tonight?" As a joke I told her I was going to dust off my Star Wars collection. I wish I was making this up, but she asked to come over and see my light saber. I do have to give her credit though it was pretty funny.

HAHA! We got a winner! May the force be with you.

joehalford01

jmasterj206 wrote: »

That doesn't always work either. I once had a girl that I wasn't interested in at work that was looking for the horizontal mambo ask "What was I doing tonight?" As a joke I told her I was going to dust off my Star Wars collection. I wish I was making this up, but she asked to come over and see my light saber. I do have to give her credit though it was pretty funny.

I was going to stay out of this thread but that is just awesome, lol!

petedude

shodown wrote: »

For the people here that work with attractive women, what are some of your TIPS on dealing with it. I've been use to only seeing a bunch of IT guys or working from home. Recently I've been going on site and I notice them and they notice me. It wasn't a big deal until I worked with this one woman now she always sends me emails or is Im'ing me, and her tone is a little to open when we have phone conversations. Keep in mind I just got married last year so I wonder if marriage has anything to do with it.

Supposedly married men are "more emotionally available", thus the appeal.

Be friendly, but keep your distance.

And post pictures LOL

joshmadakor

petedude wrote: »

And post pictures LOL

This! lol

UnixGuy

Come on guys, I thought we are computer nerds, girls never hit on us :P

Turgon

UnixGuy wrote: »

Come on guys, I thought we are computer nerds, girls never hit on us :P

They did in 1999 when the money and power was in IT. Today we are just nerds and the money has flowed elsewhere

Tackle

UnixGuy wrote: »

Come on guys, I thought we are computer nerds, girls never hit on us :P

They dig the tan I get from my monitors. HAHA

keenon

never get your honey, where you get your money. a great pimp taught me that

petedude

Turgon wrote: »

They did in 1999 when the money and power was in IT. Today we are just nerds and the money has flowed elsewhere

Much truth to this.

But, if you're still considered a top wage-earner in your organization, don't be surprised if you get hit on by gold-diggers.

LinuxRacr

LinuxRacr wrote: »

^^^
When I was young and dumb someone once told me the following: "Never get your honey from where you get your money...."

keenon wrote: »

never get your honey, where you get your money. a great pimp taught me that

LOL! That's what's up!

cyberguypr

keenon wrote: »

never get your honey, where you get your money. a great pimp taught me that

I see we had the same master. HAHA!

keenon

cyberguypr wrote: »

I see we had the same master. HAHA!

yup

erpadmin

Whatever you do...make sure you stay away from the boss' sister.....

(Yes that is based on a long story....but to satisfy the jist....no, nothing happened, BUT...the interest from both parties was there. I pretty much had to bite my tounge for the obvious reasons.....but the doe was definitely in my rifle sights...I just couldn't take the shot...for obvious reasons.)