Cisco certification claims another one.

So My fiance is moving out.

I've been ignoring her and putting all my efforts into studying and learning cisco stuffs. I passed my CCNA, but learning the CCNP material has me doing a vicious cycle of "Sleep""Study""Work/Study""Sleep". She's been unhappy at home, because i'm always at work. We discuss/fight about it constantly.

I'm sure you're asking yourself: "Why? is this a post?"

Well, most of us, cisco or not can at one time understand the sacrifices we make to study, or not to study. That's why I made this thread.

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Comments

DevilWAH

cknapp78 wrote: »

Holy Warp Factor 8!!! Your wife actually enjoys watching Star Trek? God...I have to watch Netflix at night on an iPad for my weekly dose of Star Trek or StarGate. In all seriousness, we like almost every other show the other likes....she just hates SciFi which is one of my guilty pleasures.

See I brought my wife a signed photo of Captain Janeway for her birthday and she thinks its the best present ever

She has also introdued me in to some great sci-fi series of the years

cknapp78

Just to followup with everyone else.

I've been married almost 11 years and have two small kids. Worked from home for the last 3.5 years because my wife has some major health issues. She NEEDS a break when I get home every night just to make sure her body doesn't "break down." I may have just started getting my certs but I have been an IT Nerd for over 15 years. That meant working odd hours, traveling, etc...

On top of that, my kids think bedtime is overrated. That makes it even tougher to find some quality time together. I may not be the biggest fan of the Bachelor, Biggest Loser, or god forbid even Teen Mom or Jerseylicious, but I make it a point to sit down with her for at least 2 hours a night. She also gives in to my NCIS and other Crime Drama obsessions.

With being newly out of the house 5 days a week for work, I simply asked for one night on the weekend and one night during the week when I will be studying. If I can grab an extra hour here or there during work or at night, I'll take it. The key, as most have said here already, is communication. I'll be the first to admit, I will talk first. My wife not so much. Took 10 years of squabbling to get her to actually tell me when she is upset about something instead of hearing her sigh behind my back. Now we are good.

I hope it works out for you man. If not, maybe it wasn't meant to be. If you think she is worth it, make the sacrifice. Explain to her that certs are just another form of schooling you have to do. CCIE, CISSP, MCM...they are all similar to Masters or PHD programs. They are the pinnacle of success in your field. But for God's Sake...do the woman a favor and pay her some attention. Getting some attention back is always a perk!

techdudehere

I've found the right balance for me is to prioritize keeping the goals in mind. Otherwise, it's just random behavior that may or may not be strategically valuable. Family first would certainly be a higher priority for me. I don't mind studying, but I like to make sure it's going to count. It always seems like if you just get X degree or Y certification, then you'll finally be set. I've found it's never enough, though.

drkat

Here's my take... oh and what a take it is.

I'm married with a 6 yr old and another on the way. My Wife absolutely HATES me being on the computer after work doing any studying.. according to her I always need to have something going on. If I devote too much time to studies then I'm ignoring her and I get the sob story guilt trip sh** ... but if I spend every waking moment with her for a week or two then go back to studying it's the same situation repeating itself. If I'm on TE I'm talking to nerds... and doing dumb stuff...

what a lady...

It comes down to people generally arent supportive of their spouse, even if they say they are; human emotion always plays a role, whether it be negelect, jealousy or anger. The OP shouldnt have to choose or be faced with the doubt that his studies were more important than his fiance, or vice-versa; the chick should be supportive. After all, he may be the one supporting the entire family while she's out of work with twins or some other life changing event, is he gonna do that if he cant advance himself? Should he find himself with his head stuck her arse all the time and end up in his 40s going wtf was I thinking when she divorces him for the younger doctor? I mean realistically...

Even if you gave her say a nice 70/30 split of time -- 70 ccnp and 30 her that should be acceptable as it is only temporary and the OP alone isnt the only one benefiting from the end result of HIS hard work and dedication... notice how I said HIS?

Maybe I'm just bitter.. (which I might be) However I've been in the "you dont spend enough time with me" boat for awhile now and it's a lose/lose situation... On one hand we has professionals want to better ourselves but our spouses or signifigant others dont want to give an inch... it depends on the maturity level of the individual I suppose. I'm getting off on a tangent... sorry folks

YuckTheFankees

It's been 2.5 months, I'm really interested to hear what happened...

MrBishop

@drkat, you couldn't have said it any better! I agree, that people usually need money to keep any relationship afloat otherwise the person will leave you for another one that does. Normally a woman will want to be with someone that is financial stable. Sometimes you have to let go of people to get to a place that is best for you. If she couldn't understand what you were trying to accomplish for the benefit of both of you, then she probably wasn't the right one anyways.

Noerc

I wish the best of luck and hope everything works out. Relationships can get very complicated sometimes in a way that really could be rediculous. Adding onto what MrBishop said about you trying to do this accomplishment is a huge self feat she should have tryed to understand it a little better. But I think at a certain point to mend everything would require the slowdown of your studys to help figure out and fix everything. Anywho I wish the best of luck mate.

Iristheangel

Balance is key, but sometimes it's the also the partner you choose and making sure you support each other. Before I was in the current relationship I am in now, I was dating someone who was 6 years younger than me and who lacked maturity. If I came home and even tried to get on the computer to unwind, she would got postal about how I should pay attention to her all the time. In that situation, it was immaturity on her part and I got myself out of that relationship quickly. I would have never been able to get through school or even get my A+ done if I continued dating girls like that.

The next person I started dating (my current partner) has an intense school schedule and once she completes school, she's going to be working 70+ hour weeks for about 3-5 years. A lot of people would have seen this as a deal breaker, but it's been the opposite for me. I started out without any IT experience, college education, or certificates but since I've been with her, she's encouraged and inspired me to go after my certifications and degree. We have study dates where we just sit and study together after cooking a nice dinner. When I need space to lab or just read whatever monstrously huge book I'm reading, she gives it to me. If she needs help and support with her studies, I give it to the degree that I can.

OP, I know it's been a couple months since you started this thread but my advice to you is this: Working together to build each other up will make a relationship stronger. I would recommend finding out what her goals are with her career or school and participate in getting her there. If she wants to go after her grad degree or is unhappy with her current job, help her get enrolled or trained for a better position. Let her help you as well. If she feels like she's participating with you, she won't feel ignored. Even if she's just doing flash cards with you or you're venting to her about how frustrated a certain chapter is, at least you're making her feel like she's a part of your struggle and a true partner.

jmritenour

All I'll say is if you think significant others have a demand on your time, you've seen nothing until you have kids.

My 15 month old daughter is a total daddy's girl, she wants to spend every waking moment with me when I'm home. My wife tries to keep her occupied for a couple hours on my days off so I can get some quality study time in, but when she knows I'm home, she's my shadow. No big deal - I love spending time with her. It just means the bulk of my studying comes after she's in bed.

I'm glad I waited until I was older (I'm 33 now) to get married and have kids, or else I would've struggled with the work/life balance, because believe me, your perspective definitely changes as you get older. It helps that my wife is also pretty much a saint, LOL. Work, school, certification studies, she backs me up 100%. She stays home with our daughter, and she knows that for her to be able to do that, I need to work hard & advance my career.

But I draw lines. My family is the most important thing I have in this world, and I take more pride in being a good husband and father than being a good admin/engineer.

drkat

I Agree - if the support is there it isnt usually a problem and makes balancing a bit easier. If however the support isnt there, it's nothing but chaos

Devilry

Cisco CCNP expiration = 3 years
Retirement = 20-30 years
Marriage = lifetime

Which one is a better investment?

tpatt100

Devilry wrote: »

Cisco CCNP expiration = 3 years
Retirement = 20-30 years
Marriage = lifetime

Which one is a better investment?

Well if you are a celebrity your marriages are as frequent as getting your Cisco certs renewed.

Legacy User

My girlfriend goes to school fulltime in the daytime but does not work a real job. summer breaks shes home all day bored at her parents waiting for me to get out of work to go get her everyday and do something "awesome". Took me a whole year to get my ccna because i was stuck in that routine started getting into studying but i would glance over and see her bored out of her mind watching tv. I'd feel terrible so we'd always go out and do something.

But at some point i put my foot down and told her i have priorities I want to grow as an individual move on from my dead end job and getting this cert will point me in the right direction. I told her if me studying is going to be an issue then this isnt going to work. She apologized and did flash cards with me to help me study the fundamentals and surely enough in a month and half of that point I passed.

Its been a great 2 yrs but now shes starting to do the same thing again sigh. On top of that she broke off from her friends so now its just her and I everyday... Cant even watch my cartoons to escape from reality.. terrible