Resume Review with a twist!

I'm hoping that some of the fine folks on this board can help me. I'm running into a bit of a brick wall when it comes to updating my resume.

I'm moving from a career in helpdesk, then customer service, then deskside support to what I hope will be a systems administration or analyst role and I'm having some trouble changing the tone of the resume from one of service oriented, customer-centric terminology to more project and solutions based language that uses more compelling action phrases.

Please take a moment to review what I've done so far in that direction, and give me your thoughts. Thanks folks!

Attachment not found.

I used the acrobat format to preserve the document's formatting. I'd like your thoughts on that also!

20160419 Anonymized.pdf

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Comments

kiki162

1) If you don't have a cert - DO NOT put it on your resume.
2) The top row is a bit unclear. Is that one cert or two?
3) The first bullet statement in your current position I think can be broken into 2 parts. How are you building, repairing, and improving speed using SCCM, AD, and Deployment services? That doesn't make sense at all. If you have created AND deployed packages using SCCM, you should talk about that.
4) Reword the 2nd statement - again...doesn't make sense
5) " set up sub networks " Ok what does that mean? Do you know how to setup subnets?
6) Last bullet in current job, reword. "Facilitates training" AND "variety of instructional materialsand techniques and assists in IT Process Development" Again it sounds like a lot of fluff...reword so it makes sense.

In your skills section, you don't mention any software/hardware that you are comfortable with here. Add that you have experience with ePO, or Win 8.1/10, or Server 2012 R2...and so on. That type of stuff will draw attention to your resume. You could leave the 1st 2 bullets in your skills section, but the others I would remove, as that is fluffy stuff.

I would take out the last 4 job positions, as you already have enough time on your resume.

Changed this sentence

"Computer analyst with experience providing systems and connectivitysupport seeking to transition into a Systems Administration / Network Support role."

I would add words that are applicable to your experience, such as maintained, managed, deployed, performed, integrated, administered, and so on.

thomas_

I would drop the entire skills section and rework the relevant ones into the bullets you have listed.

cyberguypr

Friendly reminder: if you truly want to anonymize you need to strip the metadata from that PDF. You can follow the bread crumbs in 30 seconds and get to know you quickly. Having said that, I agree with most points by kiki162. I'm not sure there's enough meat here to justify two pages. As said above the "skills" section tells me nothing. I would grab whatever i really wanted to highlight and work it into the professional summary or within the experience section. Otherwise it looks like you are trying too hard.

And before I forget: Legends Never Die, GO 24!

kiki162

Take a look at Devbistro.com for example resumes. You need to craft your resume in a way, so that you can easily explain everything in there. You want it to stand out, but not put so much fluff that it goes directly into the trash.

Remember, you have a just a few years of experience. Like cyberguypr said, don't look like you are trying too hard.

Danielm7

kiki162 wrote: »

1) If you don't have a cert - DO NOT put it on your resume.

Yep, I read scheduled exam for 8/15 as August 2015, which would mean you either never did it or didn't update your resume in a while, I don't want to see either of those. If you mean 8/15/2016, I could say anything is planned for 4 months away. Sometimes people see a requirement on a job listing and just decide to add "planning on taking X" to their resume to get past filters, not a fan of that.

This rant brought to you by the bunch of "studying for CISSP" resumes I'm looking at today.

danny069

Fight arrangements? 1. You haven't proof read your resume at least twice. 2. You haven't run the grammar and spell check feature. I'm betting more on 1. Other than that, I would keep it to one page. I also concur with everything kiki162 said.

cyberguypr

Did you forget the first rule? You do not talk about Fight Club

nascar_paul

Thank you all for the input folks! I'm heading back to the drawing board and I'll be back tomorrow with a revised resume (properly anonymized this time)!