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GUESS WHAT!!! another resume critique

2230622306 Member Posts: 223 ■■□□□□□□□□
please let me know what i should change and can i use this resume to get out of the help desk and maybe move to system admin or other field? im tired of help desk!!

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    srabieesrabiee Member Posts: 1,231 ■■■■■■■■□□
    I think the summary of qualifications should be converted into a professional summary. You have plenty of good info in there to easily type up a competent professional summary. There's also a bit of fluff in there that should be deleted, such as "motivated self-starter."

    The experience section has wayyy too many bullet points. No one is going to want to read through half a page of bullets. You should include a high-level overview for each job description that describes your daily duties, responsibilities, and commonly utilized technologies, etc. Then use the bullet points to highlight projects, key accomplishments, promotions/special recognitions, etc. You should also work on clubbing some of those bullets together and use complete sentences. Again, try keeping the bullets to a minimum. (17 is way too many).

    The BS degree should say "Expected" next to June 2015 because you haven't obtained it yet.

    If you only know the English language and you live in the US, delete the Languages section. Completely unnecessary.

    Here's the golden standard for resumes. It should be a vital resource for you when working on your own resume:

    www.techexams.net/forums/jobs-degrees/91333-resume-time.html
    WGU Progress: Master of Science - Information Technology Management (Start Date: February 1, 2015)
    Completed: LYT2, TFT2, JIT2, MCT2, LZT2, SJT2 (17 CU's)
    Required: FXT2, MAT2, MBT2, C391, C392 (13 CU's)

    Bachelor of Science - Information Technology Network Design & Management (WGU - Completed August 2014)
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    pinkydapimppinkydapimp Member Posts: 732 ■■■■■□□□□□
    tate-cameron---cio-resume-new.pdf

    See this resume posted by CIO magazine this week. i think its one of the best ive seen. yours isnt bad. but it doesnt pop and its not as easy to read. srablee hit on really the other stuff like a paragraph summary and less bullets.

    Good luck.
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    ajs1976ajs1976 Member Posts: 1,945 ■■■■□□□□□□
    "Excellent working. . . Citrix"- Citrix is a company not a product. Would you say you have excellent working knowledge of Microsoft or Cisco? I get it, but my old manager would have tossed your resume.

    Delete this line - "Asked questions to determine the nature of problem"

    "assisted users with VDI issues using Citrix XenApp administrative tools" - XenApp is for terminal servers, XenDesktop is VDI. I interviewed someone who claimed to know a lot about Citrix, but they couldn't tell me if they were supporting terminal servers, VDI, or both which ended up telling me that didn't know much at all.

    find a better way to present this - "Referred to as the “go to tech” for assistance"

    this too - "The lead tech in the morning"

    and this -"Acknowledged attempted hacking to the census network"

    the points under Field Tech seem redundant. Like you are saying the same things over and over again. for example "Troubleshooting a variety of computer issues" followed by "Hardware/Software troubleshooting for desktops, laptops and printers."

    Under Software: Again, Citrix is a company not a software package. Not sure I would list MMC(Microsoft Management Console) under software.

    "Bachelor of Science Degree in Information Systems" - remove the word degree

    About the June 2015 graduation date, some people say you need the expected while others say you don't because if the date is in the future the expected part is implied. I list it because I have heard of someone getting burned once because of not having it there.

    For the community college, why don't you have a degree type and major listed? You may have done that on purpose and may have a valid reason, but the first thought that comes to my mind is that you are hiding something.

    As previously mentioned get rid of the languages section.

    Check capitalization, line up your dates, pick between Sep and Sept.
    Andy

    2020 Goals: 0 of 2 courses complete, 0 of 2 exams complete
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    BeowolfjBeowolfj Member Posts: 16 ■□□□□□□□□□
    maybe this will help:

    [h=1]Technical Skills[/h]Hardware
    -Installation of video cards, DRAM/SODIM, external/internal HD, external/internal CD Rom Drives,
    Floppy Drives, Fujitsu Scanners, Scan Sharp Card Readers, Topaz Signature Pads, Hand Held Scanner Brackets,
    -Rebuild and troubleshooting of Dell Optiplex 380/390; Precision Workstation T3500 & T3600
    Desktops & Inspiron 600M, Latitude E6410/6210/5420; M6500/6600, HP EliteBook Folio 9470M Ultrabook &
    EliteBook 8770W & Panasonic TOUGHBOOK CF-19 laptops, Lenovo L512, X220, X 230 & X240, T440, T510 & 530 Models
    -HP OJ6310, HP OJ6500, Lexmark Pinnacle Pro901, Lenovo X61 AC/DC car adapter, Zebra MZ 320 Printer, -
    -Lenovo AC/DC Combo Adapters, AC adapters, batteries and Docking stations
    Software
    - Intermediate knowledge of: the Microsoft Office Suite, NT Administration, Adobe, Visual Basic, Visio, AutoCAD, Outlook, Remote Assistance, Active Directory, Depot Works , Maximo, Remedy, HPAM, Heat Ticketing system, DSM, Dame ware & Go To Assist remote tools
    - Familiar with: Manage Now, Citrix, Connect Care, PenChart, Midmark, DMS, Allscript, Lync , Installation of: Epic 2012, Midmark, Novious
    Operating Systems
    - Installation, upgrades and/or repairs of Windows NT, 98SE, 2000 Professional, 2003 Professional/Server & XP Professional/home, Windows 7 Professional/ Enterprise
    - Introduced to Linux
    Networking Procedures Pertaining to
    -Basic to intermediate knowledge of Data Base & Collection Management, Back up & File Recovery,
    -Computer Systems Security and Network Topologies


    this is on the third page of my resume. My first two pages consist entirely of work experiance. Why two pages, because my firts 'job' was the military, so if I delet jobs I don't see as relevent after that experience, it leaves holes in the work experience, which begs the question of if I've always been gainfully employed, and if not what was I doing with that time, ie what am I hiding. So my first two pages are experiance, the last page has the above bullet, which samwitched between my education and certifications list. Hope some of this helps
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    pinkydapimppinkydapimp Member Posts: 732 ■■■■■□□□□□
    Beowolfj wrote: »
    maybe this will help:

    Technical Skills

    Hardware
    -Installation of video cards, DRAM/SODIM, external/internal HD, external/internal CD Rom Drives,
    Floppy Drives, Fujitsu Scanners, Scan Sharp Card Readers, Topaz Signature Pads, Hand Held Scanner Brackets,
    -Rebuild and troubleshooting of Dell Optiplex 380/390; Precision Workstation T3500 & T3600
    Desktops & Inspiron 600M, Latitude E6410/6210/5420; M6500/6600, HP EliteBook Folio 9470M Ultrabook &
    EliteBook 8770W & Panasonic TOUGHBOOK CF-19 laptops, Lenovo L512, X220, X 230 & X240, T440, T510 & 530 Models
    -HP OJ6310, HP OJ6500, Lexmark Pinnacle Pro901, Lenovo X61 AC/DC car adapter, Zebra MZ 320 Printer, -
    -Lenovo AC/DC Combo Adapters, AC adapters, batteries and Docking stations
    Software
    - Intermediate knowledge of: the Microsoft Office Suite, NT Administration, Adobe, Visual Basic, Visio, AutoCAD, Outlook, Remote Assistance, Active Directory, Depot Works , Maximo, Remedy, HPAM, Heat Ticketing system, DSM, Dame ware & Go To Assist remote tools
    - Familiar with: Manage Now, Citrix, Connect Care, PenChart, Midmark, DMS, Allscript, Lync , Installation of: Epic 2012, Midmark, Novious
    Operating Systems
    - Installation, upgrades and/or repairs of Windows NT, 98SE, 2000 Professional, 2003 Professional/Server & XP Professional/home, Windows 7 Professional/ Enterprise
    - Introduced to Linux
    Networking Procedures Pertaining to
    -Basic to intermediate knowledge of Data Base & Collection Management, Back up & File Recovery,
    -Computer Systems Security and Network Topologies


    this is on the third page of my resume. My first two pages consist entirely of work experiance. Why two pages, because my firts 'job' was the military, so if I delet jobs I don't see as relevent after that experience, it leaves holes in the work experience, which begs the question of if I've always been gainfully employed, and if not what was I doing with that time, ie what am I hiding. So my first two pages are experiance, the last page has the above bullet, which samwitched between my education and certifications list. Hope some of this helps
    I wouldnt recommend this. If im reading a stack of resumes, im probably not going to get to page two unless there is something jumping out on me on page 1 that summarizes you. I hope you at least have a summary of skills and areas of expertise section. I know i wouldnt be reading that far into any resume.
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    WiseWunWiseWun Member Posts: 285
    I would put the technical skills section before work experience. Use 4-5 bullet points for each position and fill in the white space.
    "If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.” - Ken Robinson
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    bridgestonebridgestone Member Posts: 36 ■■□□□□□□□□
    8 years IT experience and the only recognisable cert is the A+?

    It's better to show no certs until you have more.

    There's nothing wrong with having no certs if you've 8 years experience. But showing that single cert looks a bit strange.


    Also, fluent English, I'd lose that. Why is that relevant? Is it a foreign language now in the USA?

    Take out some of these which are obvious:
    Quickly responded to customer enquiries and concerns
     Asked questions to determine the nature of problem
     Walked customers through problem-solving process
     Escalated problems to the proper teams

    It's all superfluous and looks like you're trying to fill up space.


    Also:

    "Performed password resets using Active Directory"



    I'd lose this too. just say "Active Directory". If they really dig deep you can say that your rights were locked down.
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    2230622306 Member Posts: 223 ■■□□□□□□□□
    hey im back..i got busy with life, work and school.i took some of the ideas and advise you guys gave me. what do you guys think about this?

    professional summary




    Service-focused IT Analyst with over eight years of progressive IT experience. Possesses expert level knowledge within Microsoft operating systems and windows technologies. Skilled in problem solving and troubleshooting with proven ability to enhance and improve existing procedures and practices. Involved in planning,implementing and supporting IT infrastructure and enterprise level initiatives as well as business aligned & core technical roles in cross-functional teams in various settings. Work well independently, or in a group setting providing all facets of computer support.





    i took somethings from my resume and the resume that was posted. let me know if this looks and sounds better
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    pinkydapimppinkydapimp Member Posts: 732 ■■■■■□□□□□
    22306 wrote: »
    hey im back..i got busy with life, work and school.i took some of the ideas and advise you guys gave me. what do you guys think about this?

    professional summary




    Service-focused IT Analyst with over eight years of progressive IT experience. Possesses expert level knowledge within Microsoft operating systems and windows technologies. Skilled in problem solving and troubleshooting with proven ability to enhance and improve existing procedures and practices. Involved in planning,implementing and supporting IT infrastructure and enterprise level initiatives as well as business aligned & core technical roles in cross-functional teams in various settings. Work well independently, or in a group setting providing all facets of computer support.




    i took somethings from my resume and the resume that was posted. let me know if this looks and sounds better

    now you have my attention. Nice summary.
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    srabieesrabiee Member Posts: 1,231 ■■■■■■■■□□
    I agree, the summary reads really well.

    A few errors though.

    1) "Windows" should be capitalized.

    2) Need a space between "planning, implementing"

    3) "Involved in planning,implementing and supporting IT infrastructure and enterprise level initiatives as well as business aligned & core technical roles in cross-functional teams in various settings." This sentence is long and reads a little quirky. Consider rewriting to something like this:

    "Proven abilities in planning, implementing and supporting IT infrastructures in enterprise environments. Highly effective at performing core technical roles independently or in cross-functional teams to meet organizational needs."

    4) The last sentence is redundant due to the modifications I made in #3. You can delete this sentence if you like the change I made.

    Be sure to upload the new version of your resume in PDF format. Good luck!
    WGU Progress: Master of Science - Information Technology Management (Start Date: February 1, 2015)
    Completed: LYT2, TFT2, JIT2, MCT2, LZT2, SJT2 (17 CU's)
    Required: FXT2, MAT2, MBT2, C391, C392 (13 CU's)

    Bachelor of Science - Information Technology Network Design & Management (WGU - Completed August 2014)
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    anhtran35anhtran35 Member Posts: 466
    Better. When doing your resume please keep it to the point. Your main goal is to get it from HR desk to the Hiring Manager. If it's too redundant and too lengthy then it will be discarded.
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    fuz1onfuz1on Member Posts: 961 ■■■■□□□□□□
    Recruiters only look at the resume for 15-30 seconds to determine if it makes the cut or trash bin.

    Three main things they look for:

    1. Certification
    2. Continuous work history w/ no significant gaps
    3. Clear, concise and relevant summary, required skills highlighted and major projects completed
    timku.com(puter) | ProHacker.Co(nsultant) | ITaaS.Co(nstultant) | ThePenTester.net | @fuz1on
    Transmosis | http://transmosis.com | LinkedIn | https://linkedin.com/in/t1mku
    If evil be spoken of you and it be true, correct yourself, if it be a lie, laugh at it. - Epictetus
    The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows. - Buddha
    If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you. - Unknown
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    anhtran35anhtran35 Member Posts: 466
    I wouldnt recommend this. If im reading a stack of resumes, im probably not going to get to page two unless there is something jumping out on me on page 1 that summarizes you. I hope you at least have a summary of skills and areas of expertise section. I know i wouldnt be reading that far into any resume.

    I have to agree. It's too much. I don't have time to read a 3 page resume. I want to know what you can do and do NOW. Not what you were expose to.
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    2230622306 Member Posts: 223 ■■□□□□□□□□
    sorry for my late replies..lately i have been very very busy with work, life and wgu! but so far with the corrections. i have the following and i think its looking waaaay better than what i had before.. thank you again!
    Service-focused IT Analyst with over eight years of progressive IT experience. Possesses expert level knowledge within Microsoft operating systems and Windows technologies. Skilled in problem solving and troubleshooting with proven ability to enhance and improve existing procedures and practices. Proven abilities in planning, implementing and supporting IT infrastructures in enterprise environments. Highly effective at performing core technical roles independently or in cross-functional teams to meet organizational needs.
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    srabieesrabiee Member Posts: 1,231 ■■■■■■■■□□
    You used "proven ability" too many times. I would change one of these to something else to vary your language.
    WGU Progress: Master of Science - Information Technology Management (Start Date: February 1, 2015)
    Completed: LYT2, TFT2, JIT2, MCT2, LZT2, SJT2 (17 CU's)
    Required: FXT2, MAT2, MBT2, C391, C392 (13 CU's)

    Bachelor of Science - Information Technology Network Design & Management (WGU - Completed August 2014)
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    2230622306 Member Posts: 223 ■■□□□□□□□□
    sir you are amazing!
    how about this?




    Service-focused IT Analyst with over eight years of progressive IT experience. Possesses expert level knowledge within Microsoft operating systems and Windows technologies. Skilled in problem solving and troubleshooting with demonstrated ability to enhance and improve existing procedures and practices. Proven abilities in planning, implementing and supporting IT infrastructures in enterprise environments. Highly effective at performing core technical roles independently or in cross-functional teams to meet organizational needs.


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    srabieesrabiee Member Posts: 1,231 ■■■■■■■■□□
    Looks better. The second sentence may need to be tweaked a bit.

    "Possesses expert level knowledge within Microsoft operating systems and Windows technologies."

    The parts about "Microsoft OS" and "Windows technologies" are a bit redundant, as they are sort of talking about the same thing. Do you know both Windows desktop and server OS? If so, consider changing it to read something like this:

    "Possesses expert level knowledge within Microsoft Windows desktop and server operating systems and related technologies." You cover more bases this way without sounding redundant.

    Otherwise, I think it's a really good professional summary.
    WGU Progress: Master of Science - Information Technology Management (Start Date: February 1, 2015)
    Completed: LYT2, TFT2, JIT2, MCT2, LZT2, SJT2 (17 CU's)
    Required: FXT2, MAT2, MBT2, C391, C392 (13 CU's)

    Bachelor of Science - Information Technology Network Design & Management (WGU - Completed August 2014)
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    fredrikjjfredrikjj Member Posts: 879
    srabiee wrote: »
    Otherwise, I think it's a really good professional summary.

    I don't know much about resumes, and I'm just curious why you think that's a good summary? From reading it, I understand that the person has 8 years of experience and claims to be an expert at Windows, but the rest is just meaningless fluff to me.
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    srabieesrabiee Member Posts: 1,231 ■■■■■■■■□□
    A professional summary is just that, a brief summary. It is meant to function as a (very) high-level overview to catch the reader's attention so they become interested enough to read the rest of the resume (versus immediately tossing it into the shredder). The professional experience section will act to reinforce and expand upon the summary.

    For example, if he mentions 8 years of professional experience, the experience section better reflect that. "Windows expert," same thing. "Supporting entire IT infrastructures," same thing. It's important that whatever is listed in the professional summary is qualified and expended upon by plenty of information in the experience section.

    I feel his summary definitely acted to catch my attention so that I was inclined to read more of his resume.

    I don't really perceive anything in his summary as overtly being fluff. What part do you think is fluff, and why do you feel this way?

    Here's something I would perceive as tacky and/or fluff: "Extremely intelligent go-getter who's very quick at learning anything I put my mind to." Or: "College graduate with top-level skills in anything I set out to accomplish. Best-of-breed worker."
    WGU Progress: Master of Science - Information Technology Management (Start Date: February 1, 2015)
    Completed: LYT2, TFT2, JIT2, MCT2, LZT2, SJT2 (17 CU's)
    Required: FXT2, MAT2, MBT2, C391, C392 (13 CU's)

    Bachelor of Science - Information Technology Network Design & Management (WGU - Completed August 2014)
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    fredrikjjfredrikjj Member Posts: 879
    What part do you think is fluff, and why do you feel this way?

    I guess everything after the first sentence :)

    The 8 years of experience is the only actual information and the rest is just about how great he is, but maybe that's the point? It kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but that could be a cultural thing since I'm from a different country, I don't know.
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