Co-worker Drama

Johnjones

Been working a position for about 2 months now. One of my co-workers on my team is extremely anti-social/has control issues. This person has had several run-ins with HR in regards to "bullying" and other issues. Run-ins with other co-workers as well. I haven't really had any issues up until this week. He's always crying about how he doesn't have time to work on this project or that one when questioned why taking so long by management, but won't assign any of them to me. I've asked before and was blown off.

Finally, I had to go to management about it and they had a talk with the guy. I found out that he told our manager that I was "afraid" to approach him and he almost laughed him out of the room. I was assigned a project and I think it was something he wanted to do; so now I'm getting the cold shoulder/attitude from him. I could care less about the guy, but he's been here for over 3 years and knows the infrastructure better. He is holding information or just lies and say's he doesn't know. What to do?

Also, I'm experiencing where someone will come directly to me and ask me a question, but he will jump into the conversation and take over. From what I can tell, no one in the office actually likes him, but they've been putting up with him until they someone else could come in.

How do I handle this?

the_Grinch

Honestly, you really have two options. One ignore it and do what you can on your own. I'd make note of each time I requested information from this person. Your best step, if you take this option, is to send an email asking for the information and cc'ing your mutual boss. If he gives you incorrect information or no information, you have a record of it.

Option two. Take the highroad and include this person as much as possible. Show that you're only trying to help (I'm sure you have tried this, but sometimes you have to keep doing it). When in meetings point out when this person has helped with aspects of your project. This shows that you're giving credit where credit is due and are willing to work with them.

This happens often because management has over relied on this person and they have been burned in the past. So you play the game and show that you're only here to help. Also, once that starts to sink in this person will learn how much more gets done when working with others.

bloodshotbetty

the_Grinch wrote: »

Option two. Take the highroad and include this person as much as possible. Show that you're only trying to help (I'm sure you have tried this, but sometimes you have to keep doing it). When in meetings point out when this person has helped with aspects of your project. This shows that you're giving credit where credit is due and are willing to work with them.

This works wonders. At my previous job, I had a co-worker who wanted my job. I dreaded being around her because she was arrogant and acted as if she DID have my job- tried to butt in, take over my duties, etc. Finally what I did was go out of my way to ask her questions, ask her if she had any ideas, and in general made her feel involved in the process. I think once she had a voice she backed down a bit. I tell ya though, it was HARD. The last thing I wanted to do was involve someone whose mere presence put me in a foul mood. I found, in the end, that it did more for my attitude and sense of peace than anything else.

Turns out- I hated that job, so I quit. And she got hired for it. Adult me wants to be happy for her, but immature teenager me hopes she is failing miserably.

Cyberscum

We’ll, have you directly told him your concerns. It always makes me cringe when people go to HR, managers and supervisors about a person and their actions, but they have not talked to the person directly.

My advice. Be a decent human being and have a lunch/meeting with the guy. Voice your concerns like an adult does to other adults and see what he says or responds. I can never understand what people are afraid of when talking to co-workers about issues they have with each other. No problems will ever get solved by avoiding the situation or telling other people about the problems you have with another person.

AnthonyG

I would bring it up directly with the employee as Cyberscum stated. I'd go to the boss as a last resort.

NetworkNewb

Cyberscum wrote: »

We’ll, have you directly told him your concerns.It always makes me cringe when people go to HR, managers and supervisors about a person and their actions, but they have not talked to the person directly.

My advice.Be a decent human being and have a lunch/meeting with the guy.Voice your concerns like an adult does to other adults and see what he says or responds.I can never understand what people are afraid of when talking to co-workers about issues they have with each other.No problems will ever get solved by avoiding the situation or telling other people about the problems you have with another person.

I'm very certain it is the manager's job to know about these issues if one their employees is doing stuff like this. From the original post it sounds like this person has had a lot of issues with others in the past.

I'd do what the_Grinch recommended though. CC your manager on the times you request information from that employee. He'll either correct his behavior or his manager will see your side.

I don't know how other people feel, but it's not my job to try fix someone else's bad behavior at work. I'm busy enough trying to get my own stuff done. It is actually the manager's and HR's job to deal uncooperative employees. Thats what they get paid to do.

Cyberscum

NetworkNewb wrote: »

I'm very certain it is the manager's job to know about these issues if one their employees is doing stuff like this. From the original post it sounds like this person has had a lot of issues with others in the past.

I'd do what the_Grinch recommended though. CC your manager on the times you request information from that employee. He'll either correct his behavior or his manager will see your side.

I don't know how other people feel, but it's not my job to try fix someone else's bad behavior at work. I'm busy enough trying to get my own stuff done. It is actually the manager's and HR's job to deal uncooperative employees. Thats what they get paid to do.

I understand what you are saying, but the truth of the matter is that the issue has been brought up several times and has not been resolved. These situations turn into chaos when everyone in the office is going to the manager and HR and no one is dealing with the problem directly. Many things get lost in translation when this happens and problems seem to escalate into resentment of employees or jobs.
I also understand that this would take time from your day, but so does taking it to the manager and HR. As a manager I would much rather deal with a situation that employees tried to resolve but could not, instead of being the middle man for them to voice their problems with each other. It then turns into meeting after meeting of “employee X said this about you and your performance.” A never ending chain of events where neither party feels like they are being satisfied and people start to get thrown “under the bus” for trivial things.
I have seen many situations resolved between employees and their courage to talk to others they have problems with.
All in all it is the OP’s choice, but I would personally exhaust the option of speaking to the employee first.

Jon_Cisco

NetworkNewb wrote: »

I don't know how other people feel, but it's not my job to try fix someone else's bad behavior at work. I'm busy enough trying to get my own stuff done. It is actually the manager's and HR's job to deal uncooperative employees. Thats what they get paid to do.

I understand your feelings. However we must also deal with real life situations. In theory the manager would make everyone happy but that is not always how it works. Some managers simply might not care that you are unhappy with your coworker.

It has been my experience that things don't get resolved unless you approach them directly. So in the very least I would express my concerns to him.

ccnpninja

Try to have a "soft" conversation with him. If he does not get it, just do your job and ignore his negative energy.

kurosaki00

Cyberscum wrote: »

I would personally exhaust the option of speaking to the employee first.

^This pretty much.

Lol in my previous job, @ the development dpt there was a guy that got hired and once he began working in projects he would leave comments in other ppl code saying stuff like... this is disappointing, this goes no where, this is very ugly, lot of memory waste.
Stuff like that, he wouldn't actually tell anyone, but left comments like that. One of the sysadmin guy caught it while QCing some stuff.
Guy lasted like 2 months.

Mutata

I would agree with exhausting trying to resolve this with the employee yourselves. If you've only been there two months you wouldn't want anyone having any other opinion than you trying to be a team player.

the_Grinch's option one would be my recourse after I had a conversation with the other party involved and saw no improvement.

jeremywatts2005

Every conversation I have with someone regarding details of a project or obtaining permission to do something, I put in email. If it is on the phone or in the hallway I do a recap email. In the recap I put specifically what we discussed and include as many details as possible. I also keep a notebook during any meeting or conversation to keep detailed notes on everything. This has saved my butt many a times. Even with my manager when we do a one on one and he assigns me tasks on a project, I recap it and ask if he wants to add anything. There have been times where he said no I actually meant this or has changed the directions after reviewing them. Take my word for it notes is where it is.

IIIMaster

To be honest the management is not going to do much due to the fact he isn't doing anything wrong but slacking and being toxic. If I was you I would not seek any information or advise from this guy unless necessary. As others has point out document it to cover your butt. If you feel as if he is over stepping on convo with other co workers simply be polite about it. Excuse me, xyz is in a short meeting if possible please give us a few minutes to finish.

Mooseboost

Co-worker drama is not always black and white in terms of what to do. My previous position was a corporate office and the drama there was... well, we could of had a TV show. In those situations it was always better to go to the manager to prevent being dragged further into the situations. However since yours seems to be with a single person, I would try a direct approach first. He is either going to be okay with it or over-react. If he over-reacts, then that lets you know for sure he is aware of how he acts. Some people are just wired a certain way.

Mr. Meeseeks

I say you disappear him...

philz1982

Talk to him. Then document everything you do after that. Really pretty simple. You've kinda screwed the pooch already by going directly to management though.

doobu

Johnjones wrote: »

Been working a position for about 2 months now. One of my co-workers on my team is extremely anti-social/has control issues. This person has had several run-ins with HR in regards to "bullying" and other issues. Run-ins with other co-workers as well. I haven't really had any issues up until this week. He's always crying about how he doesn't have time to work on this project or that one when questioned why taking so long by management, but won't assign any of them to me. I've asked before and was blown off.

Finally, I had to go to management about it and they had a talk with the guy. I found out that he told our manager that I was "afraid" to approach him and he almost laughed him out of the room. I was assigned a project and I think it was something he wanted to do; so now I'm getting the cold shoulder/attitude from him. I could care less about the guy, but he's been here for over 3 years and knows the infrastructure better. He is holding information or just lies and say's he doesn't know. What to do?

Also, I'm experiencing where someone will come directly to me and ask me a question, but he will jump into the conversation and take over. From what I can tell, no one in the office actually likes him, but they've been putting up with him until they someone else could come in.

How do I handle this?

Had to fire someone because of this. After repeated violations, disturbances, etc., it was time to part ways. It's not beneficial to company or to the team, or to the person doing those said things.

That said, include him like Grinch said. We really don't know what people are going through internally, at home, or how they feel. A lot of what we do in work/business is a mask over our real selves to an extent.

He might have never been included. Or was one of the go-to guys and here you come along. People respect you and find you pleasant to deal with, when they HAD to deal with him.

I tried to include our employee but it just didn't work. The chip on the shoulder was just too big for him. I think he's a recoverable asset, he just needs to be a part of something, no matter how much he's the antithesis of it. He is probably burnt from both ends and has little patience with where he is now. Companies that can do that...says a lot about the upper management's philosophy and goals as well.

All else fails. Be honest. You want to include him. You feel he's valuable. So, let's get with it.

UnixGuy

Cyberscum wrote: »

We’ll, have you directly told him your concerns.It always makes me cringe when people go to HR, managers and supervisors about a person and their actions, but they have not talked to the person directly.

My advice.Be a decent human being and have a lunch/meeting with the guy.Voice your concerns like an adult does to other adults and see what he says or responds.I can never understand what people are afraid of when talking to co-workers about issues they have with each other.No problems will ever get solved by avoiding the situation or telling other people about the problems you have with another person.

^^ This 100%.

Talk to the guy. Tell him that you need to get your work done, and that you understand his frustration (lie), be the nice guy and just talk to him, win him over. If it doesn't work, tell him that your work needs to be done anyway, even if you have to take it to management (just threaten, don't waste your time with management).

Do your work, and don't worry about the colleagues. I don't let my job affect me anymore, it's pointless. It's just a job.