How important are soft skills in IT?

UnixGuy

Learn how to talk to people. You need to talk to your boss and team mates, it's not going to hurt you. There is no reason not to

techexams-user-923

UnixGuy wrote: »

Learn how to talk to people. You need to talk to your boss and team mates, it's not going to hurt you. There is no reason not to

It's hard to with anxiety. I've been progressing but not fast enough.

OctalDump

Inditium wrote: »

It's hard to with anxiety. I've been progressing but not fast enough.

Are you getting treatment for your anxiety? It can make a very large difference to your life.

techexams-user-923

OctalDump wrote: »

Are you getting treatment for your anxiety? It can make a very large difference to your life.

I'm on medication for anxiety but it doesn't really solve the problem. It might make me feel a bit more comfortable in social situations, but I don't really know what to say around people because I lack experience. I may as well be considered an aspie. I have trouble understanding jokes, and I'm horrible at keeping a conversation going. I always blank out during conversations so I never know what to say, and sometimes I stutter from anxiety when I talk, which makes people feel awkward. I'm pretty sure most people whom I talk to are convinced that I either have autism or very severe anxiety, likely the former since most people who can talk comfortably don't know much about social phobia. And this makes passing job interviews extremely difficult for me.

It's the worst when I meet someone new and they expect me to be all normal and fun and talkative, and then I'm awkward, and I can tell by the look on their face that they are just like "Uh... Okay then..." I could have the best resume with a lot of projects to show, and my written communication skills are great, but as soon as it comes to verbally talking with people... I just can't.

I can't even talk on the phone without sweating. For example, here is a conversation I had today with my school advisor:

Advisor:Hello.
Me: Hello.
Advisor: ...
Advisor: So, I understand you're interested in taking X course?
Me: Yes.
Advisor: And you'd like to start courses this spring?
Me: Yes.

Anyway, you get the gist. I just don't know how to form full sentences and talk with people. When I try to, I tremble a little and you can hear it in my voice. I'm going to start CBT therapy soon and that should make a large difference in how I speak with others. I just wish I had done it sooner.

UnixGuy

Inditium wrote: »

It's hard to with anxiety. I've been progressing but not fast enough.

I'm sorry to hear that you have anxiety problems.

I'm no medical expert, but have you tried to take up a hobby outside of work that might help? A group sports activity will do wonders, gets you comfortable with people and the exercise has a combined benefits.

techexams-user-923

UnixGuy wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear that you have anxiety problems.

I'm no medical expert, but have you tried to take up a hobby outside of work that might help? A group sports activity will do wonders, gets you comfortable with people and the exercise has a combined benefits.

I have no job right now, and I likely won't find one. I worked as a prep cook in a restaurant for one year, and I BARELY improved, if the improvements are even noticeable. Maybe I'll grow out of it instantly once I graduate or meet someone who doesn't mind having me around and being my friend, even though I'm extremely boring and quiet.

OctalDump

Yeah, it sounds like it is messing up your life generally. CBT is probably a good path, ideally you want someone who specialises in socialphobia. It is possible that you have some social skills problems beyond the anxiety, but that would really be for a professional to assess. Even then, there are still options to improve things for yourself. It can be a long road, 3-6 months of treatment (weekly) is pretty common. I've been informed that university clinics are often a good way to get good quality care at an affordable level.

I don't think that you will have a miracle cure when you graduate, as nice as that might sound, but I do think that with the right therapy you will get better. Ultimately, it's about getting to a point you feel comfortable with, not necessarily conforming to some ideal.

And don't let it kill your career aspirations for you. Whatever the problem, there's usually a way around it.

Remedymp

The soft skills are so important that we hire Baristas from Starbucks for Help Desk because their customer service skills are top notch and the technical skills can easily be taught to them in a few months.

TLeTourneau

I hadn't noticed if you mentioned it, but where are you located in general? I think that someone close to you on the forum may be willing to try to be your friend IRL, I know I would be willing to give it a try.

UnixGuy

Inditium wrote: »

I have no job right now, and I likely won't find one. I worked as a prep cook in a restaurant for one year, and I BARELY improved, if the improvements are even noticeable. Maybe I'll grow out of it instantly once I graduate or meet someone who doesn't mind having me around and being my friend, even though I'm extremely boring and quiet.

Mate few points to consider:

1) As hard as it may sound, but you can (and must) stop the defeatist attitude.

Start now immediately: stop saying things like "I likely won't find a job", "I barely improved", "I'm extremely boring".

You have come very far so give yourself credit. There is no reason why you shouldn't get a job, if people can get jobs then so can you.

Working as a cook have probably helped you but it' hard to measure. Try hospitality for maximum social skills gains(restaurants, bars, nightclubs). Being a chef is very isolating.


2) If you are quiet then start doing things that are out of your comfort zone. start some martial arts or dance classes. Don't have money? join a free hiking meetup or something. Just DO something - anything. One step at a time, and don't take it too hard on yourself. improvements will happen trust me, I've seen super hard cases before, you're not unique in this.


3) Don't wait until you graduate to make friends. Mate there are so many people in the world who wants friends too, and they will be happy to be your friend. Follow advice in point (2). Get out and do things. More doing, less thinking. Get active, and talk to people, slowly but surely you will improve. Trust me.

OldITlady

I'm a strong introvert and frequently think I have nothing of interest to say and am boring. I have learned a trick to get me though most social interactions though. The trick is to ask others about themselves. Just be careful not to be too invasive and keep it at a surface level. This was difficult for me to learn because I don't really value chit chat and would rather interact only when I think there is a need.

The other part of this is being able to react appropriately to what others say. I have occasionally laughed inappropriately or given the wrong response because I misinterpreted something. But, people just act like they didn't notice. So, no harm done. They may think I'm a little odd, but I probably am according to their standards. Keep reminding yourself that most people are more concerned about how they are perceived than in judging you. The saying "what other people think of me is none of my business" gets me through a lot of interactions.

Regarding the need for soft skills in IT, yes, I think it's more important now than it has been in the past. Have you considered other more solitary work? Like becoming a truck driver, welder, or a machine operator? If you can ask questions and accurately interpret their answers, you could be successful in determining people's needs and meeting them using your technology skills. Though, it could be difficult for you to have that level of interaction frequently.

Anyway, best of luck to you. You aren't alone.

xxxkaliboyxxx

To put it in prospective, I have no degree, 2 certs (eJPT was just attained less than a week ago) and I was offered a job 2-3 levels above my current position away from my sub-contracting company as a permanent employee. Soft or "hard" skills really do matter.

Freeguy

Soft skills are incredibly important - I can comfortably say that they are most of what has gotten me where I am today. Sure, I put in some extra work to get some certs on my own time, but it was the ability to relate to people that kickstarted my IT career.

owever, I can also suffer from social anxiety, so I understand where you are coming from. One big thing that helped me was finally accepting that everyone is too busy worrying about their problems to worry about that one awkward thing I said. It's really liberating to not worry overly much about what others think of you.

GeekyChick

My husband is a psychiatrist and I asked him what might help someone be more comfortable with people and one thing he said was to videotape yourself to see how you come across when you're talking to people. Maybe you have a friend or a group (like Toastmasters, which someone mentioned) that would help you do that. Then you can review the tape to see how you really come across. You might be surprised. I also think that you're probably a lot harder on yourself than others. Also, I know people who have social phobias who are programmers and they don't have to interact with people a lot. Just a thought.

NetworkNewb

Freeguy wrote: »

One big thing that helped me was finally accepting that everyone is too busy worrying about their problems to worry about that one awkward thing I said. It's really liberating to not worry overly much about what others think of you.

This x100^^ people for the most part really don't care what happens to other people or what they do. Gotta just try to have fun outta life

NetworkingStudent

@ OldITLady

I never thought of soft skills this way...

Keep reminding yourself that most people are more concerned about how they are perceived than in judging you. The saying "what other people think of me is none of my business" gets me through a lot of interactions.

Good point!!