Getting the cold shoulder
Techguru365
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So I started a new job at this company about a month ago as a cyber analyst and everything was going well. There is a another person who holds the same title as me that was tasked with getting me up to speed on the processes that are unique to the particular agency... everything was cool up until last weekend, I was even told by my superiors that they are impressed at how quickly I'm catching on. Since Monday the other teammate has basically stopped talking to me altogether, No updates as usual, no acknowledgement when I come in to work and say hi, logs out in the evenings and leave without acknowledging me(the person gets off before I do), if we pass in the hallway, holds head down to avoid eye contact and don't say anything, no longer appears online to me via IM, but is available to everyone else.
I have no idea what is going on here. We were talking normally up until the past weekend. I'm not sure if the person feels threatened by me because I have better credentials and got a lil praise or what. Been the new guy I don't want to say anything to superiors regarding this. I don't know if I should swallow my pride and suck up to someone who clearly has issues with me to that extent or just mark this place off as a loss and move on.
sorry for the long rant.... but I'm just used to having teammates who I can collaborate with, learn from each other and grow both as individuals and as a team.
what would you guys do?
I have no idea what is going on here. We were talking normally up until the past weekend. I'm not sure if the person feels threatened by me because I have better credentials and got a lil praise or what. Been the new guy I don't want to say anything to superiors regarding this. I don't know if I should swallow my pride and suck up to someone who clearly has issues with me to that extent or just mark this place off as a loss and move on.
sorry for the long rant.... but I'm just used to having teammates who I can collaborate with, learn from each other and grow both as individuals and as a team.
what would you guys do?
Comments
Always say hi to them (with a big smile, saying their name), ask them how their day is going, ask them a bunch of questions, make awkward jokes, try to hang around them... Pretty much act like they are your best friend. Even though they don't reciprocate. It is actually kind of fun to do this to someone who is acting this way.
One of two things will happen they will actually start talking to you again, or they will get so annoyed and upset at you they will tell you why they were avoiding you.
I'm starting to think this person might be the reason why the company has been trying unsuccessfully to find a permanent person in this slot for the last 9 months. I'm finding out that everyone before me has only stayed like 2 months max.
If you're bosses are happy, then where's the problem? You're there to make money, not to make friends. In the end, you'll gain respect from the people that matter, by doing what you're paid to do and not getting involved with petty issues that other people may or may not have with you. If you're a 'genuine' person, that will shine through. Have the confidence and the self-belief that you're a good person and that you do what is in the best interest of the business, not the individual. If your bosses can't see that, then the company is not worth your time; move on.
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All the best.
Gotta be able to talk to people on your team though right? Sounds like boring place to work if you don't!
Like I said, I would have fun with that guy and act a little ridiculous around him. I find enjoyment with (playfully) tormenting people who are acting like that though
He quit the day he was supposed to get fired.
So what if you do need to collaborate and bounce things off this guy? Are you supposed to be a team? If that's the case you need to pull him aside and confront the elephant in the room. I've been in situations like this and I simply don't have time for it so I nip it in the bud immediately. To that end be candid but tactful and allow them to save face if needed. Most people will come around if confronted directly and allowed to give a BS excuse as a reason. Accept their answer and tell them you need to work together going forward.
For sure! But that should not be the primary concern: I like to have a laugh and some crack with the people with whom I work and it's good to be able to do that. But some people have ulterior motives and you should guard yourself against them.
I had someone confront me like that few years ago. I didn't even realize I was doing it, he said hi to everyone else in the morning, but me. I mentioned it to someone, it got to them, they then came and talked to me about it. Turns out we both start really early in the morning, he was trying to say hi but he was half asleep so I didn't even hear him, he thought I was ignoring his attempts to say hello, the whole thing was confusing.Now we're totally fine.
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If his attitude affects your work, talk to him. If it doesn't, keep doing your job.
Just don't be passive aggressive or snide. That'll only make matters worse.
I may sound like a cynical crabass, but here I go.
I had the same thing happen to me with a coworker, we didn't really work on the same team but it's a small office so we talked every day and thought we became pretty good work friends. The pleasantries went on for about a year. I even played on the coworker's tennis team they invited me to be on!
All of a sudden, I abruptly and immediately got the cold shoulder overnight! I dug through every possible scenario and couldn't figure out what I did. Not going to lie, I was upset, what did I do to deserve this treatment? This person started doing really petty stuff like saying "Hey X, how are you!? How was your weekend?" directed to a coworker I was walking with, completely ignoring me. This person would withhold mail they knew I was expecting. Would ignore me every time I said hello and would keep their head down and walk right past. Even went as far as to call me a "lazy backstabber" to other people and that of course got back to me. Anything to paint me in a negative light...not fair, not accurate whatsoever, not cool.
After about 9 months of this and me ignoring the petty behavior, they finally stopped by my office out of the blue and told me why, it was because I told this person to talk to the boss about a problem they was having with a coworker, not me, because it sounded like a management concern. This person apparently took that as an affront.
Honestly? Now that I have gotten to know the 'real' coworker this person shows a lot of narcissistic and immature personality traits. I gave this person one more chance after this, chalking it up to a big misunderstanding. Big mistake, this person acted like we were ok, then just recently blamed me for printing out an inflammatory letter and leaving it on the conference room table (it was really this person, another coworker, or me - and I know it wasn't my teammate or me - but they pointed the finger at me to get out of trouble), etc.
So now? I document absolutely every interaction with them, tell them if they need something email it to me or it's not getting done, don't say hello or goodbye, etc.
ANYWAY, I won't ramble on any longer, but I just wanted to offer an alternative point of view - maybe this coworker really IS crazy like mine is. So I'd be cautious, don't engage him/her or ask what's wrong. To me, if they don't act in a professional manner and tell you straight up what's wrong, then you don't need to play their 'game'. Just my two cents, of course.
Best of luck, and don't take it personally, sounds like you're doing a great job where you are.
Seriously though, those types of people are poison to any team/department. We all have things we can learn from each other. It sounds like they have a lack of self confidence. Maybe they are waiting for a promotion and are afraid you may be in a better position to get it. Keep doing what you are doing though. Don't let up just because somebody feels threatened by you.
Is your position tiered? Is this person cold shoulder/ghosting you as to give themselves the advantage come promotion/raise time. They may have been counting on this for a while, and a newbie coming in and getting it first could be devastating to them.
One way or another you probably will have confront the situation, it sounds very annoying.
@blatini honestly, I didn't call out the person on their behavior because I didn't want to give them the 'reaction' they might have been looking for (I found out later this coworker had been the subject of 2 HR-related investigations). Perhaps it wasn't the best approach, I observed the behavior, but acted like nothing had changed - IMO, I figured I wouldn't go out of my way to say anything until they were mature enough to actually communicate their perceived issue to me vs. being passive-aggressive. Only when they finally volunteered to me how I had "slighted" them after months and months of the silent behavior, did I mention their poor attitude to them. The person denied having acted that way and walked away. Haha...oh well.
And OP, again I'm just playing devil's advocate in a sense, maybe your issue isn't like this at all, but I did want to raise the idea that the colleague may be toxic - but those personality traits didn't show themselves until now. At any rate, just keep on doing what you're doing and don't let anyone else get in your way!
Give him a laser eye contact and tell him that you find it strange that he is not talking to you and that you want to know if there is something upsetting him. Whatever he says as his reply, just nod and say, points taken.
That guy needs to grow up..but he won't.
IT runs on a alpha-dog strategy with a certain barking order to the top. Your just the new guy and this is hardly uncommon in IT.
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You'd be surprised how a short conversation can change things. I've had to deal with tons of anti-social characters who went out of their way to be jerks to me and it was totally uncalled for. I just joked with them, had conversations with them..and they changed! If he's feeling threatened, an honest conversation with him might make him feel less threatened....I could be wrong, every situation is different. IT or not, I always choose to be the big boy