Need help with my life :)

Go easy on me guys,

I am at a cross roads I am writing this quite depressed I am currently suffering from depression, apathy and am starting to become very unwell. My head is a constant battle with technologies I am currently torn between learning Microsoft or Linux. Problem is I need some serious tips on how I can stay focused and actually start monitoring my learning.

Recently I have had a tough time at work we have this guy there who is constantly putting me down by saying my knowledge is weak and that I am lower than him. He often is working on new technologies and brags about the knowledge he is learning. This is effecting me at work I am starting to feel like a failure. I have become quite sick in the mornings and don't actually want to go in work some days.

Currently I haven't got any direction, I am pretty stressed out I have this urge to better myself but currently cannot seem to shake the apathy or regain the spark to sit down and learn something.

Money is very tight I cannot afford to become certified...Linux is my passion but I have been put off because colleagues say it is irrelevant.

Sorry about the vent I am just really low and need some advice.

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victor.s.andrei

ally_uk wrote: »

Problem is I need some serious tips on how I can stay focused and actually start monitoring my learning.

Currently I haven't got any direction, I am pretty stressed out I have this urge to better myself but currently cannot seem to shake the apathy or regain the spark to sit down and learn something.

I once worked with a senior network security engineer who had 20+ years of experience in the industry. I can still remember his advice: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

Make a list of what you need to, and just keep attacking the list. You'd be surprised how small things add up.

ally_uk wrote: »

Recently I have had a tough time at work we have this guy there who is constantly putting me down by saying my knowledge is weak and that I am lower than him. He often is working on new technologies and brags about the knowledge he is learning. This is effecting me at work I am starting to feel like a failure. I have become quite sick in the mornings and don't actually want to go in work some days.

Been there, done that. Your work environment is toxic. Don't stay there too long because it *WILL* affect you in a very bad way.

ally_uk wrote: »

Money is very tight I cannot afford to become certified...Linux is my passion but I have been put off because colleagues say it is irrelevant.

Irrelevant. *snort* Yeah right.

Linux (erm, GNU/Linux; apologies to Mr. Stallman) is the future, despite what the Microsoft guys say. The world has gone mobile, and mobile is ruled by Linux and its numerous flavors.

Can you afford a Safari books subscription? Or, just use VirtualBox and your favorite distro (I like Debian and CentOS, personally). Play around. Write shell scripts. Learn Python. Apply for Coursera financial aid if you must.

There are tons of resources for learning in IT...even on a budget.

wd40

ally_uk wrote: »

Recently I have had a tough time at work we have this guy there who is constantly putting me down by saying my knowledge is weak and that I am lower than him. He often is working on new technologies and brags about the knowledge he is learning. This is effecting me at work I am starting to feel like a failure. I have become quite sick in the mornings and don't actually want to go in work some days.

This reminds me of a great old movie "Kung Fu Hustle", at the end and after an epic fight, the enemy gives up and say:
"what is the name of your technique?"
and the hero replies:
"You want to learn? I will teach you."

The guy you talk about is an arrogant toxic person, you should avoid him at all cost, you really don't need to listen to what he has to say, limit your conversations with him to work related conversations only "it can be done, you need to learn how to ignore negative people".

I have a great 10+ years relationship with my co-workers, but when any of them start talking negatively I just leave.

wd40

I just had an idea, if you can't avoid him, when he starts bragging about something, just ask him to teach you (just try, it might work).

techfiend

I can't say knowing one OS is more advantageous over the other in the server world, it's best to be versatile and know both. If you like desktop work then focus on Windows 10.

Your job is clearly affecting your life, it's time to get out soon and ignore the ones that bring you down. Life is too short for unneeded negativity.

Dojiscalper

Totally agreeing with Techfiend, get out of that place and I guarantee if your as down as you say you are you'd feel better if you just left. I know its scary to make those big changes, I'm all about changing things up to be happy. My wife and I just totally turned our whole situation upside down, moved our family to a new area, etc.

Just do what will make you happy, its ridiculous to allow someone else to control your happiness unless you like that sort of thing

If you need to talk PM away, bud.

ally_uk

Thank you for the advice guys mods can you please delete this thread. Thank you

p@r0tuXus

Not so fast, Mods!

Ally_UK -

Sorry you're having a rough go of it. I'm not huge on rap, but when I get low I take a page from one of my favorites, DMX: "...to live is to suffer but to survive - Well that's to find meaning in the suffering."

Don't give up on what you want to do, whatever that may be. Taking care of yourself is a full-time job, one you can hack to maximize results while minimizing effort (to some degree). Exercise and diet are important even if you're not too out of shape. Correcting brain chemistry is essential while you build your mind and skills. ProTip: Bananas are great for fighting depression. Also, get some decent rest! Daily!

If you're having trouble studying or devoting time to it through days that demand your attention, consider the top 3 apps on this page (especially popling...): 20 Web Apps to Help You Learn More and Study Less

Forget your coworker and focus on you. Keep your head chin up and head down, hard at work on whatever you want to do. That's the best way to entice motiviation to stick around. Tricking yourself into enjoying even the most grueling stuff.

Also, save as much of your money as you can. Even a little at a time builds up and reduces some stress. Use that to book courses, pay subscription fees, or just schedule exams. Knowing you're moving towards goals you set for yourself helps keep that depression at bay, too. You might have a look at this free progress tracker app: Personal Progress Tracker app for android

Best of luck to you, friend. Never give up!

cyberguypr

I say keep the thread alive. You will be able to look at it at some point down the road and say "wow, I've come a long way".

I am curious, you say money is tight and can't certify. What cert are you looking to get?

BTW, someone who says Linux is irrelevant is certainly out of touch with reality.

NavyMooseCCNA

It sounds like this a**hole co-worker is the perfect recipient for Throat Punch Thursday.

ally_uk

Thank you guys some sound advice here. Was kinda hard to open up about the low mood. The apathy is the worst feeling I currently have lost the desire to open books or to learn.

I think the problem before was I wanted to learn to much as was way to indecisive and wouldn't stick with anything. One day I would be enthusiastic about Powershell the next few days it would be Linux then Python. I never mastered anything just kept playing tug of war with my mind.

I have booked a Doctors appointment to get some help with the moods.

I have currently switched off from anything IT related to give my brain a rest.

I'm not going to be defeated will focus on myself starting by implementing small daily achievable goals.

I'm going to follow my heart and go with Linux.

I will write one goal on a piece of paper and nothing else and that is to watch and take notes on CBT nuggets LPIC-1.

If I do not take the exam it doesn't matter I will still of gained knowledge. Once I have completed this goal I will cross it off and insert a new one. I.e read Linux command line book.

I would also like to work on fitness but small steps and consistency is what I require.

cdx

Hi ally_uk,

If a co-worker is putting you down like that, it is because that co-worker is insecure about his/her own abilities and feels the need to put you down to make him/herself feel better.

If Linux is your passion, then you know where to start! LINUX! Linux has tons of jobs available and you can start self-study with the Linux+ exam by CompTIA. Follow your passion, find a new job as a Linux Admin to follow your passion and get away from your current toxic work environment.

You got this! Just do it!

cyberguypr

I'm always up for helping a fellow TechExamer in need so when you are ready let me know if I can buy you a book or something.

ally_uk

Thank you man appreciate the offer. I have a free 2 month subscription to Linux academy. Was going to start working my way through the levels.

UnixGuy

@ally_uk I know it sucks when a colleague is being mean to you like that.

As far as Linux, I remember you were trying to upskill years ago, so keep doing what you're doing. I'm sure you've learned more over the years.

I would say focus on cloud for the moment, and pick up MS/Linux knowledge as you go.

Look for a job with a service provider that will also pay for some training, I found this to be a quick way to learn.

There are TONS of free resources out there, I know it's hard to switch off from your colleague's remarks, but just do your thing

Plantwiz

Thanks for having the courage to post!

Agree with much posted, make a list of goals, start gen off, one by one.

Problably easy to figure any one of us is an expert of something someone else here is not...so, does one learn that skill Set? Or let the other person be good at that and carve a new spot for ourselves!? Just depends, I can say, from experience, some tasks must be overlapped and others must be specialized....the specialized stuff changes the most and eventually becomes obscolete.

Talk to a mediator or maybe supervisor. Consider moving on if nothing is going to change. Some guys are just jerks...though very often, you are not the only one who noticed

his time will come to an end.

shochan

You might already know this, but check out Edx, Udemy, Coursera, and even YouTube for free training since you are on a budget. Just think, if you can save a little for another cert, it might pay off if you focus and have the determination to win! Quit talking to the loser at work, do your thing and stay away from that "so called" know it all...if he knows it all, he shouldn't need to converse with you, right? Hang in there, cheers & Hi5!

alias454

@ally_uk: I can relate to your woes. I struggled for a long time just like you did. Don't compare yourself to other's success/failures. You are on your own unique path. Do what is right for you. It's a good idea to seek professional help if you feel you need it; there is nothing wrong with that. I don't know your exact situation but try to take some time off if you can't get another job right away. Also, anyone who says Linux is irrelevant has a limited world view IMHO and you probably shouldn't be taking advice from them anyway.

I found setting goals really helped me to focus. Think about where you want to be in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years etc. Think about how much money you need/want, if you need/want vacations, etc. Use that "wishlist" to build a plan. Ask yourself, "is the $thing I'm doing getting me closer or farther away from my goal?" If the answer is yes, keep going, if no then do something different.

sillymcnasty

Dude, if I loved linux as much as you I would be balling right now. There are so many job opportunities using linux, it's unfathomable. At least in NYC.

UncleB

Hello Ally, the most important thing you have already done - you have accepted that you need to change something and made steps to start that process. It can be hard when you are in a dark place (and I don't mean Southampton LOL) but the only person who can reliably pull you out of it is yourself.

Getting something to help with the mood is a great start and if you can slipstream other improvements in your life then you should find you don't need these in due course and your own progress and control of your life are the natural mood improvements you need.

I agree with your approach to set out baby steps with the training, but I would recommend you set time aside on every day that it is possible - even if you would rather just kick back and watch TV. Building the routine is important as it becomes habitual in 3 weeks or so and that makes ongoing commitment to your studies an aweful lot easier.

Over time your results will compound and you will find you start to become more capable than you expected and this brings ever more motivation to continue - and this drive will shine through if you go for interviews where you can persue your career of choice with time and effort.

Good luck and don't be afraid to reach out if you need some encouragement in future.

NuclearBeavis

You'll definitely burn out if you spread yourself thin, trying to learn every technology. Since you like Linux, pick up a study guide for the LX0-103 exam. Just study that and nothing else (unless you have to for work). Don't worry about the exam cost until you feel you're ready to take it.

Nisseki

I agree with cyberguy, keep this thread open.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

My early career was such a mess but now I'm in a much better place. I learn very quickly and I gain respect from my colleagues and managers which has opened up more responsibilities and huge positive feedback from clients.

kiki162

Remember everyone always has to start somewhere, even your co-worker. Sounds like he's got self-esteem issues with all the finger pointing and bragging or maybe he doesn't have much of social life, who knows...or cares. If he's trying to sounds smart, then why is he still working there?

Depression sucks and many of us go through it at some point in our lives. First thing you need to decide is a game plan, what is your end goal? Where would you like to be in 1 year, 5 years, etc. Write it down on paper, smart small, even if it's weekly, or monthly. Time management is a very important thing to stay on track, so keep that in mind. If you feel that your having trouble because you are getting distracted, losing focus, spending too much time going out with friends, address that first. Right now your just on the "wrong highway", and need to find the "exit" to get on to the "right highway" and to your destination.

Your co-workers saying Linux is irrelevant...they have NO clue! I'd start working on your Microsoft certs first and work towards your MCSA/E. You could add other certs depending on what path you want to take. Take a look at some of the jobs in your area, see what's in demand. Do some research on Amazon and take a look at the certification book reviews, see what works and what isn't working for people. Having MS certs will certainly get you most support/help desk jobs, however Linux fits in well with jobs req. Cloud & Infosec experience.

ITSec14

Ignore your a-hole coworker. I've worked with those types in the past. He's probably just angry at the world because he has a small pecker.

It can be hard to focus in those circumstances. Keep learning, take it one day at a time and find something to ground you when things get overwhelming. It can be anything like a place you enjoy going to, a movie or show you enjoy, anything!

You will get through the storm, just keep paddling!

asurania

if you get a free MSDN essential subscription - they give you pluralsight for free for 3 to 6 months, and some other company to for free

Also Lynda.com is free via your local library, and through other means - google is your friend here