Resume review: Just a section of my resume

If anyone has time to give feedback it would be appreciated. I am really trying to give my resume a lot of time so in the end I will hopefully have something that stands out. Anyway looking for:

-thoughts, feedback, ideas for change
-possible ideas on what the title should be instead of "summary"

This section comes right after my personal information and job title:

SUMMARY
• 6 years experience in the Information Technology field with expertise in systems administration.
• Determined individual who systematically applies a methodical work ethic to ensure project completion.
• Sociable, adept at excelling in team environments by adhering to a philosophy of mutual concession.
• Analytical thinker with calm disposition not adversely impacted during stressful circumstances.



Thanks for your time
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Every man dies, not every man really lives.

Comments

  • jpeezy55jpeezy55 Posts: 255Member
    Please, please, please take this as "constructive criticism":

    Lose the big words.

    It sounds to me like you went through a dictionary and picked the biggest and fanciest words you could find. I know that you want to make a resume stand out and I'm all for that, but too many descriptive words can look bad to an experienced HR man (I am not one). For example:

    • 6 years experience in the Information Technology field with expertise in systems administration.

    Could become:

    • 6 years of experience in the Information Technology field with a proficiency in systems administration.

    Still sounds like a big word, but with an entirely different meaning. Expertise is saying you are a Expert at something, and you may very well be an expert and know everything about System Administration, but that could be taken the wrong way. Using "proficiency" is simply stating that you possess knowledge or competence at something. Still strong enough to get your point across, but not too strong.

    Hope that makes sense and helps out. Remember, the guy/gal reading your resume is most likely someone who has seen a lot of resumes come across the desk and will weed them out based on how they are written, not what is written. It's essentially your first impression with these people, and if you come off sounding too over-confident or even cocky, then you may be overlooked before you even have a chance to show them just what you do know and can do.

    Good luck! :D
    Tech Support: "Ok, so your monitor is not working, the screen is blank, and no matter what you do it stays blank? Do you see that button on the bottom right hand side just below the screen? Press it. . . . Great, talk to you next time!"
  • strauchrstrauchr Posts: 528Member
    Just on the expert thing - you should be cautious using that, especially with only 6 years experience. I would say if you want to claim to be an expert 10 years minimum experience across a variety of companies of shapes and sizes as well as a variety of systems and then throw all the top level certs and a degree, possibly.

    Systems Admin can mean a lot to different people and can cover everything from the guy who just creates new user accounts, resets passwords or just adds users to groups to someone who can design, build, and manage a project to implement an entire AD or Cisco solution.

    So maybe be more specific in the systems you administer in that statement. And proficient is a good word to replace expert.

    And to be honest I have to think very hard about the sentences you have written about your personal skills. It doesn't leap out and get straight to the point which a resume needs to. In fact I would go so far as to say the statements don't actually say anything once you disect them and are quite disjointed sentences.

    Well just some constructive criticism, others may not agree.
  • 12thlevelwarrior12thlevelwarrior Posts: 302Member
    Thanks so much for the feedback, it's great to see your resume through other IT people's eyes

    I made some changes

    • Six years of progressive experience in the Information Technology field with proficiency in systems administration.
    • Self motivated individual who systematically applies a methodical work ethic to ensure timely project completion.
    • Team player with effective social and communication skills who practices consensus building.
    • Analytical thinker that can handle stressful circumstances without losing focus.
    • Strives to focus on the positive and mitigate negative influences.
    Every man dies, not every man really lives.
  • EdTheLadEdTheLad Posts: 2,112Member ■■■■□□□□□□
    chuchuchu wrote:
    Thanks so much for the feedback, it's great to see your resume through other IT people's eyes

    I made some changes

    • Six years of progressive experience in the Information Technology field with proficiency in systems administration.
    • Self motivated individual who systematically applies a methodical work ethic to ensure timely project completion.
    • Team player with effective social and communication skills who practices consensus building.
    • Analytical thinker that can handle stressful circumstances without losing focus.
    • Strives to focus on the positive and mitigate negative influences.

    Why not replace
    Self motivated individual who systematically applies a methodical work ethic to ensure timely project completion.
    with
    Self motivated individual who applies a methodical work ethic to ensure timely project completion.
    replace
    Team player with effective social and communication skills who practices consensus building.
    with
    Team player with effective social and communication skills.
    delete
    Strives to focus on the positive and mitigate negative influences.

    Your looking for a tech job arnt you? not a HR job? Its just if i started reading your resume id thing you talk alot of crap at the offset.No offense
    intended im just saying it how i see it.
    Networking, sometimes i love it, mostly i hate it.Its all about the $$$$
  • 12thlevelwarrior12thlevelwarrior Posts: 302Member
    Thanks for taking the time to look it over and offer suggestions. I hear what you are saying about it not looking like tech "stuff". For the longest time I never had any kind of personal summary section, but I then decided to add it. The rest of my resume is tech at the end I list all the software/platforms I have experience with. Do you guys even have a personal summary section or anything like that at the begining. I also thought about an objective statement instead of personal summary.

    Thanks again for the feedback.

    btw i like your suggestions and will make those changes...

    my father who is an HR manager suggested I title my resume as

    "Confidential Resume of Name"

    You guys have any thoughts on this?

    Ok, here is the next draft.

    Systems Administrator

    PERSONAL PROFILE

    • Six years of progressive experience in the Information Technology field with proficiency in systems administration.
    • Self motivated individual who applies a methodical work ethic to ensure timely project completion.
    • Team player with effective social and communication skills who practices consensus building.
    • Analytical thinker that can handle stressful circumstances without losing focus.


    i liked the consensus building part, just because it really describes me in a group setting, and i decided to leave detailed sys admin experience off the personal statement becuase my resume heavily favors MS products.
    Every man dies, not every man really lives.
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