Guilty About Leaving

That Random Guy

Hi,

I'm trying to find a way to not feel guilty about leaving but I can't. This was my first full-time job and first IT job at that.

I've been on a wacky ride but I feel like these guys are just beyond my help. I can't do it alone but that's what they're expecting of me. I want out.

I've matured to the point where people can somewhat stand to be around me and I even get people who come to me first now instead of my lead. It feels nice, but there's always this feeling that comes back where I feel like everyone still has no faith in me and would still rather have my "lead" doing the work. Truthfully, they don't treat me like I'm someone they can depend on; just someone who they can use.

I'm tired of feeling this feeling. It isn't so much pride or ego as much as I consider it disrespect. They don't even consider my opinion for things. They're constantly going for someone else's idea.

I might as well go. Yet, I know some good folk in here who I don't want to see affected by me leaving.

I'm just overthinking things and the hard-time truth is that I'm replaceable. I'm not special, I'm not important, but I'm not redundant. I'm essential only because I've been made to be.

How did you guys deal with feeling guilty?

matt333

It's your first job in IT of course you're going to feel bad for leaving. I felt bad leaving my first job in IT as well. But keep in mind that in order to be successful in your IT career you have to get out of your comfort zone and continue to learn. That becomes harder if you remind at one company. 

It sounds like a toxic work environment, you should definitely look for a new job. It's not worth staying if everyday you are unhappy.   

chrisone

CEOs and Executives don't feel guilty about laying off employees when times are hard. I have been laid off before and I never got a call from the owner/ceo/executives about having to let me go lol

Never feel guilty about trying to improve your way of life. 

E Double U

That Random Guy said:

I might as well go. Yet, I know some good folk in here who I don't want to see affected by me leaving.

Because this is your first full-time job I think you fail to realize how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things. You might feel that you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and things will collapse without you, but trust me - everything will be just fine. Your current employer will likely not go out of business just because of your absence and the people that rely on you now will learn to depend on someone else in the future. 

If there is a better opportunity available to you then please take it. You can always stay in touch with the people that you like. Good luck with your future endeavors. 

tedjames

I used to feel that way. I also used to remain very loyal to my employers. But then after some of them laid me off without a second thought (It's all about money, but we're grateful for the work you did for us.) and another gave me the runaround regarding pay/promotion, I changed my attitude. My boss at my last job did actually give me a nice raise to stay the first time someone else made me an offer. It was great hearing, "I can't afford to lose you." But a few months later when a job I really wanted came through, I told him that I had to take it. I told him how grateful I was for everything and that he wasn't the reason I was leaving. I also told him that I wasn't using his raise to get more money out of another employer. If not for this offer, I would have stayed there. He told me that I should do what's best for me and my family regardless. He ended up leaving six months later. I felt bad for leaving him in a bind, but they pulled through just fine. You should follow your heart. The feelings of guilt will pass in time, and you'll end up a lot happier in your new job.

kaiju

How long have you been at this job? Have you gained enough experience to move on to another position?

MOST IMPORTANT!!!!!! Obtain new employment before you bounce.

LonerVamp

Maybe I'm reading too much in between the lines, but I don't think it's the guilty feelings that is the main issue here. It's that you feel like garbage and not wanted and having feelings of inadequacy. The, "I might as well go," is what I would call a warning sign. If you're close to your lead or manager, please feel free to share your feelings.

If these feelings extend beyond just your work, I strongly suggest looking into therapy or to tap into your support structure of family and friends if you have them.

On the actual guilty feelings, never feel guilty. A company will cut you off if it means their profits will go up. Likewise, for almost every job, the company, team, and coworkers all continue on. It might be harder for them, they may have to pick up slack, and maybe they simply can't easily replace your expertise, but that's all sunk cost for them and they will move on. As such, look ahead and improve your situation. It's OK to be selfish in these regards.

That said, not every job is the right job. And it's hard to create more opportunities until you've had that first gig to build upon and prove that you can do what you set out to do. It should only be upward and better from here out through the long run!

Neil86

I agree with @LonerVamp sounds more like you don't feel you are an asset there. Sometimes certain environments are not a good fit for us. Just move on to another role and keep learning.

stryder144

If you have at least one year of experience, I would roll out of there quick.  I would start looking for new employment now.  Don't wait.  If they make you feel inadequate, then that is not a good fit for you.  Move on.  Before you start shotgunning out your resume, take a few hours of your time and think really hard about what is important to you and whether or not your skill set and experience line up with where you want to be.  Once you've taken stock of where you are at, what skills you have, and where you want to be, then start looking for the job.  If there is a significant gap between where you are and where you want to be, start looking for a job that sits in between the two.  That will be your stepping stone.  If your skills are not what the market needs, start looking at ways to develop those skills.  It could be training, certifications, or experience. 

bigdogz

I think having some idea of the amount of time you and your lead spent there would help us. Sometimes being a lead means you know the tribal language.

Learn everything you can and move on if you feel you are not being respected.

scaredoftests

Don't feel guilty about moving on.

That Random Guy

OK,  so given the situation most of us are in now, what would be the smart thing to do?

I feel like it would be a very stupid move to leave amidst this whole situation with COVID-19. I haven't had any luck finding a new gig despite getting some phone interviews.

That being said, I also feel like it'd also be a very stupid thing to stay despite this whole fiasco. I need the job but I it doesn't seem right to stay.

kaiju

Do NOT leave until you have secured new employment! I also would not want to be a new join to an organization during this pandemic. Unless you are being hired into a critical position, a new join would be one of the first position to cut.