AITA for not wanting my brother to visit during a pandemic?

N7ValiantN7Valiant Member Posts: 363 ■■■■□□□□□□

I live in Hawaii, brother is in Vegas. He's been wanting to come down here to stay a little over a week because his friend's having a wedding and it's been on the book for months. Every month it comes closer it just keeps looking like a bad idea and I keep asking my mom if he's still coming. As of today our legislators have been pleading with the Governor to cut out non-essential travel to the State and to quarantine all travelers for 2 weeks. Last I checked, brother is still on the way be it wind, rain, or virus.

Brother is a MGTOW, thinks marriage is for fools and frequently told more than one friend on occasion that they were making a mistake (though he keeps attending them). He hasn't been working anything above retail, now they say Vegas is pretty much shutting down for a month, so my mom is asking me what I expect him to do. I'd say, look for a paying job. We have supplies enough for 2 people, now we're introducing a 3rd who has a penchant for eating out regularly (and all the local restaurants are closed) and in enormous amounts.

They pretty much instituted WFH at my job aside from "essential personnel" of which I am apparently one being in IT. I'm told by my employer if we WFH we might not necessarily be paid for all of it (only when we're online, and VPN is shaky at best). I make the most out of the 3 of us, my income and hours has been least affected thus far, so I'm the only one making any steady income. If I get brought into a quarantine either because he brought the bug with him between the flight and the wedding, or out of "an abundance of caution", my income is at risk. Our mother is within an at-risk age range for the virus as well.

Then there's the question of what he plans to do if they end up grounding all flights before he's due to leave and he's stuck here.

Am I the a-hole here?

MCSE: Core Infrastructure
MCSA: Windows Server 2016
CompTIA A+ | Network+ | Security+ CE


  • NetworkingStudentNetworkingStudent Member Posts: 1,407 ■■■■■■■■□□
    What is a MGTOW?

    Tell your brother he can visit you guys after your state lift bans on services, flights..ect

    .You NEED to tell you mom and brother everything you said in your post
    -My income could become at risk.
    -You do not want to your mom to get sick.
    *Make sure you tell your mom that he can come visit you guys once things return back to normal.

    Explain the things above to your mom, and gain her acceptance of your plan.  Explain these things to your brother once your mother is on board.

    your brother can get a job at Wal-Mart.  I heard they are hiring 150,000 employees.
    When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened."

    --Alexander Graham Bell,
    American inventor
  • tedjamestedjames Member Posts: 1,179 ■■■■■■■■□□
    edited March 2020
    I was planning to visit my daughter and her family in Washington State in a couple of months, but not now. She fully understands, given the situation. We had big plans, too. When this whole thing blows over and it's safe, we'll make new plans. Tell your brother not to travel until it is safe, regardless of what's going on.

    Yeah, what is an MGTOW?
  • bigdogzbigdogz Member Posts: 881 ■■■■■■■■□□
    What is MGTOW?

    Stay home.
    You live in a very world wide transient location. Stay at home and be as safe as you can. Use social distancing and other updated counter measures.


  • DZA_DZA_ Member Posts: 467 ■■■■■■■□□□
    Plain and simple reddit language: NTA  - I agree with the others in the thread. Stay safe OP.
  • N7ValiantN7Valiant Member Posts: 363 ■■■■□□□□□□
    edited March 2020
    MGTOW = Men Going Their Own Way
    " /ˈmɪɡtaʊ/) is an anti-feminist, mostly online community advocating for men to separate themselves from a society which they see as harmful to men, and particularly to eschew marriage and cohabitation."

    Regrettably he is already here, already was in my apartment, and already used my personal chopsticks to eat his food.  So much for quarantine or even an attempt at common sense.

    My mother has catered to this idiot to pretty extreme degrees:
    1) He wanted to live in the same apartment complex we were in (I suspect because he didn't want to cook his own food).  So he bought another unit in the same building.  He didn't want to live in that unit for some reason, so me and my mom moved out to the unit he just bought.
    2) 1-2 years later, he decided opportunities were better in Vegas and he wanted to sell the unit he owned (the one we were living in), so we had to move everything back.
    3) When we moved, he had a moving crew move his belongings.  Me and my 60+ year old mother moved all our furniture and possessions, twice.  He didn't lift a single finger to help.

    This man-child is supposedly 8 years older than me.

    Where I live, COL is high so it's not unusual to live with your parents even in your 30s.  I'm not financially able to move away from my family.  Figure my best step is to A) advance in my career (Sysadmin) and B) get in a relationship with someone (dropped 45 lbs since the beginning of this year) before that can happen.  On a more related note, I'm scheduled to take the OSCP next month and hopefully the job market recovers in time for me to use my new ammunition.
    MCSE: Core Infrastructure
    MCSA: Windows Server 2016
    CompTIA A+ | Network+ | Security+ CE
  • bigdogzbigdogz Member Posts: 881 ■■■■■■■■□□
    edited March 2020
    You just have to control what you can in your life. Congrats on the weight loss?!
    Keep grinding!

    If he wants you to wipe is ***, then just put some toilet paper on your boots. Make sure you use your boots!
    Most people do not change unless there is some big game changer. Even then, he will do the same until someone else's money is gone.

    Stay Safe.
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