super hero IT guy,

aueddonline

if you had to make a super hero IT guy and give him 3 IT super powers what would they be?

royal

1. Invisibility to walk past users without having your name called out by 20 users begging you to come over and look at their issues. Would also use invisibility for other purpsoes that shall not be uttered on these forums!
2. Mind Control
3. Teleportation
4. Be able to read through books in seconds - like in Short Circuit

Had to add a 4th!

Goldmember

3 Powers for the ultimate IT guy...


Networking(MS, Cisco, Unix)
Programming(SQL, PERL, JAVA)
Design(anything...DNS, LAN, WAN)


3 Skillsets

Microsoft(MCSE:Messaging/Security)
Cisco(CCIE-R&S,Voice,Security)
Unix/Linux(RedHat, Solaris, BSD)


These are my goals by the way

aueddonline

Mind control 'your computer is running to perfection, touch my keyboard with your nipples and fetch me some pie'

sprkymrk

Well, Nick Burns is close... :P

Otherwise:

1. Be able to absorb new skills through a data transfer from software to the brain.

- as in Matrix.

2. Detect lies with 100% accuracy.

IT Superhero: What did you do right before your computer crashed?
User: Nothing, I was just typing a spreadsheet.
IT Superhero: Wrong answer, mortal. You installed a Dilbert screensaver from a link on youtube!

3. Have a life outside of computers.

Family.
Excercise.
Non-IT friends.
Non-IT hobbies.
etc.

License2ILL

1. Memory that he can use to back trace all the way back to him swimming in dad's gonads. (altho that would stress him and make him bleed from his nose.)

2. Enhanced androgens allowing him to bait any female VP exec into sleeping with him....granting him say in any jagoffs getting fired with the right thrust of his hips. ("babes i don't like Sales Focker1 what say we axe him? hot female VP- sure big daddy just don't stop.")

3. And last but not least.....*BAMF'*ing ability. Like walk into the office say hello close your door leave the webcam running.....*BAMF* back to home!.......door knocks.....*BAMF* back to office....*BAMF* back home finish setting up more pizzorn sites.....strike it rich........show up to work only to insult (politically correct) every single SOB who swears up and down IT does nothing all day.

Oh and a streak of bastard to rival the likes of sales ppl and lawyers would have to be part of his alter-ego of course...of course!!!!!!! only to be applied to them of course....(and the occasional wannabe VIP.)

Mrk, lie detection altho a cool power...would not really help..you see these somsabiches lie to their mothers so I never ask what the story is anymore...just simply...bring me the laptop and repeat the error in front of me.....leave it here...save your story...get lost.....and no im not gonna tell you what I did to fix it....?so you can then run around repeating it as if it was your own and then still say IT does nothing?

ULWiz

You all need help for comming up with this stuff.

Goldmember

License2ILL wrote:

1. Memory that he can use to back trace all the way back to him swimming in dad's gonads. (altho that would stress him and make him bleed from his nose.)

2. Enhanced androgens allowing him to bait any female VP exec into sleeping with him....granting him say in any jagoffs getting fired with the right thrust of his hips. ("babes i don't like Sales Focker1 what say we axe him? hot female VP- sure big daddy just don't stop.")

3. And last but not least.....*BAMF'*ing ability. Like walk into the office say hello close your door leave the webcam running.....*BAMF* back to home!.......door knocks.....*BAMF* back to office....*BAMF* back home finish setting up more pizzorn sites.....strike it rich........show up to work only to insult (politically correct) every single SOB who swears up and down IT does nothing all day.

Oh and a streak of bastard to rival the likes of sales ppl and lawyers would have to be part of his alter-ego of course...of course!!!!!!! only to be applied to them of course....(and the occasional wannabe VIP.)

Mrk, lie detection altho a cool power...would not really help..you see these somsabiches lie to their mothers so I never ask what the story is anymore...just simply...bring me the laptop and repeat the error in front of me.....leave it here...save your story...get lost.....and no im not gonna tell you what I did to fix it....?so you can then run around repeating it as if it was your own and then still say IT does nothing?

WTf?

Somebody actually wrote this?

seuss_ssues

As someone with an interest in security i would like to be able to read and write in binary.....would make closed source vuln testing alot easier

HeroPsycho

Tantric...

AlanJames

1. Memory that he can use to back trace all the way back to him swimming in dad's gonads. (altho that would stress him and make him bleed from his nose.)

2. Enhanced androgens allowing him to bait any female VP exec into sleeping with him....granting him say in any jagoffs getting fired with the right thrust of his hips. ("babes i don't like Sales Focker1 what say we axe him? hot female VP- sure big daddy just don't stop.")

3. And last but not least.....*BAMF'*ing ability. Like walk into the office say hello close your door leave the webcam running.....*BAMF* back to home!.......door knocks.....*BAMF* back to office....*BAMF* back home finish setting up more pizzorn sites.....strike it rich........show up to work only to insult (politically correct) every single SOB who swears up and down IT does nothing all day.

Oh and a streak of bastard to rival the likes of sales ppl and lawyers would have to be part of his alter-ego of course...of course!!!!!!! only to be applied to them of course....(and the occasional wannabe VIP.)

Mrk, lie detection altho a cool power...would not really help..you see these somsabiches lie to their mothers so I never ask what the story is anymore...just simply...bring me the laptop and repeat the error in front of me.....leave it here...save your story...get lost.....and no im not gonna tell you what I did to fix it....?so you can then run around repeating it as if it was your own and then still say IT does nothing?

lol at that!
maybe add world of war craft and internet procrastination skills

KGhaleon

Hijacking topic with a youtube video.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1GWQgb015Lc&feature=related

Darthn3ss

1. Super speed (applies to all things, reading, waking, thinking etc)

2. The force (starwars)

3. some fat guy to burn down the office when stuff is about to hit the fan (office space)

Lee H

Hi

And what weapons or tricks would this Super Hero be able to have


1. Inflatable trousers to house 2 X 5 Litre colostomy bags, this is important when playing COD 4 for the first time.

2. Ability to think about food and tray on wheels brings along a Big Mac meal

3. Auto fold chair / bed, will bend into shape of chair when wakes up then goes flat when falls asleep


This is about as heroic as an IT needs to be,

Lee H