Stress Relief!! :)

1 of my favorite

"A customer called in with modem problems.

* Tech Support: "Ok, we're going to check your modem settings. First thing we need to do is make sure all programs are closed."
* Customer: "How do I know if everything is closed?"
* Me: "Make sure all windows are closed."
* Customer: "But...I'm in the basement. I don't have any windows here."

Lucky me, I made it to the the mute button in time!"

source: http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_os.shtml

enjoy guys

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ladiesman217

my last job interview:

the interviewer asked me if I have ever tried to upgrade a CRT monitor to LCD.

Is there an upgradable CRT anyway?

GT-Rob

^ duh you just need the LCD upgrade patch.

My fav during my old ISP tech support days

me "ok, so if you could go and unplug your modem"
old lady "ok"

10mins pass

old lady *out of breath* "oh my, im sorry about that, but I tried to unplug it but unplugged my breathing machine instead. Do you want me to try again?"

me "no!"

snadam

here is a good one:

ME- walk into users office with network problems on laptop

user- "the internet is broken"

ME- "Oh im sure the entire internet isint broken. Show me whats up"

user- opens IE, server not available message appears

ME- "Ok, did you plug in your network cable?"

user- "yes"

ME- picks up disconnected cat5 cable from floor "are you sure?"

user- "yes"

ME- waving cat5 cable like a lasso "REALLY?"

user- "Im 100% positive, SEE?!?!?" points to power cable

ME- "Thats your power cable....you plug this into the electrical outlet..."

user- "well doesnt that give you internet?!?!?"

ME- "No, that gives you power to your laptop"

user- "well it works at my home!!!"

ME- "Do you have wireless at your house?"

user- 'yes'

ME- Plugs in cable to wall jack, all network connectivity restored "okay, when youre in the office, plug in the blue cable to the orange colored 'wall plate' here"

user- "wow thanks! Man, all that studying you do sure does pay off!!!"

ME- "You wouldnt believe the week we had in class yesterday. We spent all day connecting plugs and seeing if they worked!"

user- "dang...."

NOTE: this guy is super old school, and we liked to give eachother the largest amount of crap possible every day. It was fun.

undomiel

Boss: My wireless is broken.

Me: (used to this by now) Ok, what happens?

Boss: I was setting up my wireless again and I told it to connect to my AP and it says it is connected and shows full bars but it says limited/no connectivity with a yellow exclamation mark thingy.

Me: Do you have security on your AP that requires you to enter a password?

Boss: Yes I have WEP enabled.

Me: (bypassing whole WEP/security issue) That means that you didn't enter the password in correctly.

Boss: (eyes glazing over) But I put my password in.

Me: Incorrectly.

Boss: But I put my password in.

Me: Not the correct one.

Boss: But I put my password in.

Me: Not that one that connects you.

Boss: But I put my password in.

Me: Yes, you put a password in. But not that one that works for your AP. You need to put in the hex key that your AP provides you.

Boss: But I put my password in.

Me: (stares)

Boss: (hands over laptop) Check and make sure that the wireless works because I think it is broken. Also update my computer.

Me: Ok!

paintb4707

snadam wrote:

here is a good one:

ME- walk into users office with network problems on laptop

user- "the internet is broken"

ME- "Oh im sure the entire internet isint broken. Show me whats up"

user- opens IE, server not available message appears

ME- "Ok, did you plug in your network cable?"

user- "yes"

ME- picks up disconnected cat5 cable from floor "are you sure?"

user- "yes"

ME- waving cat5 cable like a lasso "REALLY?"

user- "Im 100% positive, SEE?!?!?" points to power cable

ME- "Thats your power cable....you plug this into the electrical outlet..."

user- "well doesnt that give you internet?!?!?"

ME- "No, that gives you power to your laptop"

user- "well it works at my home!!!"

ME- "Do you have wireless at your house?"

user- 'yes'

ME- Plugs in cable to wall jack, all network connectivity restored "okay, when youre in the office, plug in the blue cable to the orange colored 'wall plate' here"

user- "wow thanks! Man, all that studying you do sure does pay off!!!"

ME- "You wouldnt believe the week we had in class yesterday. We spent all day connecting plugs and seeing if they worked!"

user- "dang...."

NOTE: this guy is super old school, and we liked to give eachother the largest amount of crap possible every day. It was fun.

That's hilarious

I've had some similar issues. Like the network cable being plugged in one end and not the other... just dangling around.

Mishra

I just got this one today

PHONE

User: I don't think my keyboard is working right. Everytime I type in the password it isn't working. I don't think my keyboard is working at all.

Me: Okay.. When you are typing does anything show up?

User: Yeah but when I hit the caps lock key the light isn't showing up.

Me: Okay but if letters are showing up when you are typing then it should be putting the characters in correctly.

User: I plugged a different keyboard in the computer and I'm trying it now. I did that because I think the old one is broken because of the caps lock.... (waits) It still didn't work.

Me: Okay. A good idea is to type in your password in the user name field to see if everything is typing out correctly when no one is around. If everything is typing out correctly then it should work just fine.

User: Yeah but my old keyboard never lit up when I hit the caps lock key.

Me: Okay I'll come see you.

DESK

User: See it isn't working.

Me: Okay type in the password in the user name field. (this is a public password BTW not domain account)

User: (mistypes a letter)

Me: Yeah thats supposed to be a $ not an S.

User: OH MY GOD I FEEL SO DUMB. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO WORK ALL MORNING.

I love when users will go on and on about something that you are trying to ignore because you know that isn't the problem. But won't listen to you when you give suggestions! They are hell bent on the one thing they think they figured out. This is a classic IT case.

undomiel

Mishra wrote:

I love when users will go on and on about something that you are trying to ignore because you know that isn't the problem. But won't listen to you when you give suggestions! They are hell bent on the one thing they think they figured out. This is a classic IT case.

That would be my boss. Her computer is running slow (virus scan she scheduled) so she immediately calls me up and asks me what is wrong with the server. Or a web page isn't loading so she calls up and asks what is wrong with the server. Or she gets an e-mail bounced back because of an incorrect username/domain and she calls up and asks what is wrong with the server. She doesn't even tell me what the problem is before she asks what is wrong with the server or what am I doing to the server! I have to pry out of her whatever the problem is that prompted the call. Very amusing and frustrating at the same time.

paintb4707

I especially like when users call me up when they don't really have a persistent problem, but would like to know what caused it to happen anyways.

user: what would cause my computer to shut down on its own?

me: well there's many reasons why a computer would shut down on its own. it could have overheated, a windows update might have been installed that required a reboot, the power supply could be failing, etc, etc, etc.

user: well its back up now

me: does this happen often?

user: no, this is the first time

me: so why are you calling again?

user: i turned my computer on this morning and it was locked, why would that happen?

me: i can't really tell you. that's not supposed to happen. are you sure it was powered off and not in standby?

user: oh ok... yeah i'm positive!

me: did you try rebooting it again?

10 minutes later...

user: ok its up now and i'm logged in

me: does this happen often?

user: no, this is the first time

me:

Don't get me wrong. I really don't mind when people ask me questions. But I find it kind of amusing when they call me up and don't really have a problem, they just want an explanation for everything.

1MeanAdmin

I've got a user who creates a file in the morning, deletes it in the afternoon and asks to restore it from previous day's backup. She does it EVERY month and has problems understanding that her file does not exist at the time of backup.

paintb4707

midiman wrote:

I've got a user who creates a file in the morning, deletes it in the afternoon and asks to restore it from previous day's backup. She does it EVERY month and has problems understanding that her file does not exist at the time of backup.

Why on earth would you purposely delete a file if you need it restored?

1MeanAdmin

paintb4707 wrote:

midiman wrote:

I've got a user who creates a file in the morning, deletes it in the afternoon and asks to restore it from previous day's backup. She does it EVERY month and has problems understanding that her file does not exist at the time of backup.

Why on earth would you purposely delete a file if you need it restored?

She does it by accident

neathneathneath

midiman wrote:

paintb4707 wrote:

midiman wrote:

I've got a user who creates a file in the morning, deletes it in the afternoon and asks to restore it from previous day's backup. She does it EVERY month and has problems understanding that her file does not exist at the time of backup.

Why on earth would you purposely delete a file if you need it restored?

She does it by accident

That's why shadow copies were invented ??

sliptmickey

Here's my all time favorite.

User: I can't get my zip disk out of the floppy drive.

Me: Excuse me?

User: Yeah, my zip disk is stuck in the floppy drive. Can you help me out?

Me: *in disbelief* Yeah. *Dig out a spare floppy drive*

At the users desk

Me: So how'd it get stuck?

User: Well when I tried to put it in, it wouldn't fit so I had to force it in.

Me: Force it in? How'd you do that? *As I'm replacing the floppy drive*

User: I kind of just held it there with on hand and banged it in as hard as I could with my shoe.

*Finished up the job and closed up the computer*

Me: Don't be suprised if you don't have any computers tomorrow.

User: Why not?

Me: Zip disks go into the zip drive. *pointing to the zip drive* And floppies go into the floppy drive. *Holding up the now broken one* They're two different sizes disks. That's why the zip disk wouldn't fit. *Dangling the floppy drive with part of the peeled away zip disk hanging out.*

To this day I don't know how he did it, but he did and I about slapped the taste out of his mouth for it....waking me up from a nap and all.....how's a lazy IT guy supposed to get some beauty sleep?

Kaminsky

My old boss told me one pre CD days when he had talking a user through a software install by phone.

HIM: Ok. Put in the first diskette and type install.

HER: ... eventually ... Right. Thats doing something now ..

General Chit Chat

HER: It is asking for Disk 2.

HIM: OK. Put in the second disk and press "Y".

HER: ... eventually ... Right. Thats in but it doesn't seem to be doing anything.

HIM: Oh it will start in a sec once it can see the second diskette. Eventually it will ask for the third disk and you will be done.

HER: Oh ! I don't think I can fit three disks in there.

tiersten

paintb4707 wrote:

I've had some similar issues. Like the network cable being plugged in one end and not the other... just dangling around.

One day I should see if I can make this cable

scheistermeister

Mishra wrote:

I love when users will go on and on about something that you are trying to ignore because you know that isn't the problem. But won't listen to you when you give suggestions! They are hell bent on the one thing they think they figured out. This is a classic IT case.

I've had people insist I was wrong before when I was doing desktop support. I would try to coax them nicely into doing it or trick them into doing something anyways to fix their problem. The ones that wouldn't have any of it and still insisted I was wrong I would ask them why they needed tech support if they were right and I was wrong. If they didn't hang up or I wanted to piss them off a little more I would transfer them to a call center in India.