How you balance everything?

N2IT

**** How do you balancing everything? Sorry for the geeked up title.

Job
Certs
Kids
Signficant other
Signficant others job and schooling


Ugh....... Sorry just venting. I guess I am using this forum as my personal journal.

It just seem so overwhelming sometimes.

Just wondering how your dynamics and constraints effect your goals and life in general.

Michael.J.Palmer

I know how you feel, it really comes down to how you handle stress overall. Here's what I've got to toss around myself.

Uemployed with no income outside of WIC and Food Stamps
Wife is unemployed and just had our second child less than four weeks ago so she's not in any shape to work just yet
Two Kids (one is a year old, the other is of course about four weeks old)
School two nights a week on Tuesday and Thursday nights, I drive two hours round trip on those two nights to school.
I earn one cert a month at this point so there's a lot of at home study involved there which strains the relationship with the wife sometimes.
Oh, and I haven't slept more than four hours a night for the past month, mostly due to the newborn, but I also do most of my studying from 1 AM to 5 AM so I can spend more time with the wife during the day.

There's other things I'm sure, but it's just stress is how I look at it and stress I can handle. I look at this way, it's my life and I can take control of my life. Sure sometimes it's uncomfortable and sometimes it can even get a little depressing, but I've always been the kind of guy who thought that he could accomplish anything he sets his mind to.

So my advice, don't let it bog you down. It could always be worse, and if it does get worse, just remember that it's only temporary if you're working towards bettering yourself. Try to make time for everyone, even if it cuts into sleep a little, you'll probably be happier overall if you don't have to stress about your significant other moping, that's my biggest gimp sometimes... and yeah I can use this as my personal journal as well, lol. .

Good luck with it all, and remember, it's never a bad idea to vent a little.

mikedisd2

Wife, kids, job. That's just called life.

Goals can be difficult though. I have 2x kids, oldest being 3. I get her into bed by 8pm. My wife puts our baby to sleep; that gives me an hour and a half of free time.
Last year I spent an hour every night studying and it paid off. I'd also study on the bus or in the morning before everyone else gets up. There is always time to reach goals, it's all about routine.

Got a TV? Do you have to watch it every night? I went without a TV for 18 months; best thing I ever did. Ample time for study/whatever. Just ensure your partner is supportive of your goals.

Cert Poor

Cutting TV out of my life several years ago was a good decision. I need to cut back on Internet forums and general time-wasting. I also sacrifice social life and dating. I'm working multiple jobs on top of school. No health insurance so I can't afford to get sick. Lots of credit card debt too.

It's about sacrifice and perseverance. Eat, sleep, study, eat healthy, and work long hours. Things will get better.

It helps me to write or type out my goals and post to a wall so I can stare at them everyday. Check them off when you complete them. Separate by short-term and long-term.

networker050184

mikedisd2 wrote: »

Wife, kids, job. That's just called life.

Yep, just have to make time when you can. I have a wife, kids and a very time consuming job. You have to set your priorities and fit everything else in when you can.

NetworkingStudent

N2IT wrote: »

**** How do you balancing everything? Sorry for the geeked up title.

Job
Certs
Kids
Signficant other
Signficant others job and schooling


Ugh....... Sorry just venting. I guess I am using this forum as my personal journal.

It just seem so overwhelming sometimes.

Just wondering how your dynamics and constraints effect your goals and life in general.

I’m not sure how I do it personally. I volunteer at FreeGeek on Saturdays, work full time nights, I study for certifications, and I go to school part time. Right now I study on the weekdays, and most of that study time is spent studying for certifications. I do spend a little bit of time on the weekends study, but I try to put my girlfriend first and foremost. On the weekends we like to grill out or catch a few movies. We also like to visit our families and sometimes invite them over for dinner. I think getting away for the weekend is important, but also taking a break every now and then is important too!! Also, on the weekends I actually watch TV. I used to play video games, but I gave up those and that freed up a lot of time for studying. Haha imagine that….
The hardest part for me is explaining to loves ones , and NON-IT people why I study for certifications. A lot of people don’t understand why people in IT study for them…... The question I get is “aren't you go to school for that?” Ugh

earweed

It's hard to find a balance. Giving up things like TV and other time consuming non-productive things helps a lot. You need to learn to do time budgeting and to include time off so you don't burn out.

dynamik

N2IT wrote: »

**** How do you balancing everything? Sorry for the geeked up title.

Job
Certs
Kids
Signficant other
Signficant others job and schooling


Ugh....... Sorry just venting. I guess I am using this forum as my personal journal.

It just seem so overwhelming sometimes.

Just wondering how your dynamics and constraints effect your goals and life in general.

Just wait until you get a mistress or two...

I was in the same situation as you minus the kids, and let me tell you, getting divorced made things so much easier

I think it comes down to priorities and goal-planning. If you really scrutinize your situation, you would probably find that you've got some artificial, self-imposed constraints that are making things more stressful for you. Maybe you're trying to obtain certs at the same rate as the unemployed single guy that lives is mom's basement. Maybe dropping down to just a couple per year and putting 15 minutes a day into your studies would be a better course of action for you. Maybe your wife could take a lighter course load. The degree would take longer, but it'd be less stressful on your marriage and prevent you guys from having nervous breakdowns. Maybe you can pay neighbor kids to mow your lawn or do other chores, so you can focus on other things. Those are obviously hypothetical; I don't know your exact situation.

N2IT

dynamik wrote: »

Just wait until you get a mistress or two...

I was in the same situation as you minus the kids, and let me tell you, getting divorced made things so much easier

I think it comes down to priorities and goal-planning. If you really scrutinize your situation, you would probably find that you've got some artificial, self-imposed constraints that are making things more stressful for you. Maybe you're trying to obtain certs at the same rate as the unemployed single guy that lives is mom's basement. Maybe dropping down to just a couple per year and putting 15 minutes a day into your studies would be a better course of action for you. Maybe your wife could take a lighter course load. The degree would take longer, but it'd be less stressful on your marriage and prevent you guys from having nervous breakdowns. Maybe you can pay neighbor kids to mow your lawn or do other chores, so you can focus on other things. Those are obviously hypothetical; I don't know your exact situation.

Thanks for great post and that goes to all of you.

I appreciate the time and effort.

Cheers,

Patrick

jamesleecoleman

I don't have kids (thank goodness) and I'm not married (that goodness x2) but I do goto school, work (during the school year), and work on certs. I started to make a schedual of what I'm going to do the next day. I try to make sure I get time to do something every other day by making a list and trying to follow it. Friends and family usually come out on top unless I have an exam or something else important. It's all easier when I'm getting 6 hours of sleep during the school year.

za3bour

Organize and have priority for every thing for me wife and my daughter get the highest priority then work then certs.

I'm currently studying for 70-640 exam around 2-3 hours a day I work from 9-4 for five days. I never work in the weekend for me Friday I spend with my extended family (parents and wife/kid) Saturday is the time for my little family were we do things together.

I rarly study on weekends I always try to study when my daughter is asleep because i love to spend time with her.

There not a high load now in my job so it's easier to study when i'm at work but i don't know it might change in the future specially that i'm currently looking for a better job which for sure will mean more responsibilities and more working hours.

I do have a rule in my life though, if you're happy at home then every thing else will be ok but it's not the opposite. I don't believe money is the only way to be happy at life for me those hours i spend with my daughter is more important that all the money in the world. I know a lot of IT guys who don't spend a lot of time with thier families because they don't have time and they composite this by giving them money or things to try to make them happy for me it has never been this way.

phantasm

Priortize. That's how I do it. I have a wife and a 3 yr old son, just finished my B.S. and work a full time job plus studying for certifications. You just have to set your goals and priority's and go from there. Don't forget to take time out for yourself, away from studying.

2ndchance

To N2IT: I don't have anything new or original to contribute, so I'll just reinforce what has been said. Definately cut out anything that you feel takes up too much time or doesn't contribute to your long-term goals. I have wasted many valuable years just by computer gaming. That is something I've had to quit cold turkey. We have a TV, but the wife and I use it to watch movies - that is our together time.

rogue2shadow

I agree with everyone else. I don't have a wife or kids at the moment but at times I do find myself in the reverse situation where I'm studying too much as opposed to making it part of a sectored routine and it definitely has its side effects. I guess my message to you is as long as you have a goal set as to where you want to be 5, 10, and 15 years later and you have motivation to do it, anything is possible. As my quote says, with "clear eyes, and a full heart, you can't lose". You are your destiny.

stuh84

I'll never have kids so thats one distraction I wont have to deal with. Currently, I work full time, but I'm in a long distance relationship so it means most nights I have free, and every other weekend too. Given I work in the industry that I'm studying my certs for too, they dont mind if I train myself when we have quiet periods.

I do try and fit in music (band/recording etc) and down time in too, but overall the fact that I'm teetotal and dont view going out on the town regularly a necessity, I actually find I have a lot of time to do this kind of thing.

Deathgomper

rogue2shadow wrote: »

I agree with everyone else. I don't have a wife or kids at the moment but at times I do find myself in the reverse situation where I'm studying too much as opposed to making it part of a sectored routine and it definitely has its side effects. I guess my message to you is as long as you have a goal set as to where you want to be 5, 10, and 15 years later and you have motivation to do it, anything is possible. As my quote says, with "clear eyes, and a full heart, you can't lose". You are your destiny.

I agree, happiness comes with the achieving of goals. I don't have a wife or kids either and I know how studying too much can drag you down. Just like anything else moderation is best. I personally do much better when I have a schedule in place, otherwise my social life goes to crap.

za3bour

stuh84 wrote: »

I'll never have kids so thats one distraction I wont have to deal with. Currently, I work full time, but I'm in a long distance relationship so it means most nights I have free, and every other weekend too. Given I work in the industry that I'm studying my certs for too, they dont mind if I train myself when we have quiet periods.

I do try and fit in music (band/recording etc) and down time in too, but overall the fact that I'm teetotal and dont view going out on the town regularly a necessity, I actually find I have a lot of time to do this kind of thing.

IMO kids are not distraction, I think they are the best source for happiness in life there are moments with them that are really magic like the first time you see them, their first hold of your finger, first word, first walk ...etc

I hope that you will change your opinion one day, having kids is like having a new dimension for your life a dimension that can't be replaced with anything else.:)

stuh84

za3bour wrote: »

I hope that you will change your opinion one day, having kids is like having a new dimension for your life a dimension that can't be replaced with anything else.:)

I've had the same opinion for about 12 years, and I don't see it ever changing. I am incredibly uncomfortable around children, and find absolutely no joy, see no cuteness in them, and I personally feel that theres enough kids around, so I'll leave it to the people who REALLY want them, rather than joining in to be part of something.

I have no problems with anyone who has kids, or wants them, but for me they'd just be something to get in the way of what I want to do with my life, sounds selfish, but it'd be more selfish to be the way I am and have kids than not.

phantasm

stuh84 wrote: »

I've had the same opinion for about 12 years, and I don't see it ever changing. I am incredibly uncomfortable around children, and find absolutely no joy, see no cuteness in them, and I personally feel that theres enough kids around, so I'll leave it to the people who REALLY want them, rather than joining in to be part of something.

I have no problems with anyone who has kids, or wants them, but for me they'd just be something to get in the way of what I want to do with my life, sounds selfish, but it'd be more selfish to be the way I am and have kids than not.

I've known a lot of older men like you. All of them regret not having kids. In my opinion, a man cannot know himself until he raises a child. Having kids brings a whole new dimension to life, you suddenly have more to worry about besides what bar to drink after work.

But to each their own. If you feel kids would get in the way of your life, then I wouldn't want you having kids anyway. God forbid you give something back to humanity as opposed to take it for yourself.

stuh84

phantasm wrote: »

I've known a lot of older men like you. All of them regret not having kids. In my opinion, a man cannot know himself until he raises a child. Having kids brings a whole new dimension to life, you suddenly have more to worry about besides what bar to drink after work.

Good thing I'm teetotal so I dont have that worry about either eh

phantasm wrote: »

But to each their own. If you feel kids would get in the way of your life, then I wouldn't want you having kids anyway. God forbid you give something back to humanity as opposed to take it for yourself.

What would I be giving back to humanity? I live in an estate where the only thing people are giving back to humanity with their kids is the ability to ignore them, throw them out on the street all day, and get more housing benefits from it.

I just do not see why having kids would be giving something back, it's just adding another face(s) to the crowd. Philanthropists are the ones giving back to humanity, not my neighbours who are slowly trying to destroy their livers, lives and prospect of them and their children.

rogue2shadow

stuh84 wrote: »

Good thing I'm teetotal so I dont have that worry about either eh



What would I be giving back to humanity? I live in an estate where the only thing people are giving back to humanity with their kids is the ability to ignore them, throw them out on the street all day, and get more housing benefits from it.

I just do not see why having kids would be giving something back, it's just adding another face(s) to the crowd. Philanthropists are the ones giving back to humanity, not my neighbours who are slowly trying to destroy their livers, lives and prospect of them and their children.

We didn't start the flame wars!!! It was always burnin'! haha.

Begin battle phase! FIGHT!

stuh84

rogue2shadow wrote: »

We didn't start the flame wars!!! It was always burnin'! haha.

Begin battle phase! FIGHT!

Haha, I'm sorry this went off topic, but I guess I should know from experience that mentioning you dont want kids is like mentioning you secretly like to spy through peoples windows at night to some people. Oh well, live and learn I guess

DevilWAH

for me certs are a hobbie. I study when i have time and feel like it. first in life comes wife and daughter, then family and friends, then work and then the rest. with work i get paid 8:30 till 5, 5 days a week. and for that time i dedicate my self to work. but out side of that its up to me what i do. if i feel like working on a works project i do, if i want to spend time with family i do. I don't take work home, its just some times my hobbie and work are the same thing. and as we all know a hobbie come after wife and kids.

DevilWAH

oh and kids are great!!! my first is 8 weeks old and sleeps about 5 hours in any 24 hour cycle. I still get to study, i would say one thing, don't have kids till you meet your sole mate. kids don't bring happness to you life if its not already there, and they dont make life easy. but they are far more rewarding than any cert you might achive, and nothing will focus you as much as the want to provide for them a good life!

veritas_libertas

I usually only get about an hour to study during the week, and some where around 4 or 5 hrs on Saturday. There is going to be a new addition to the family in about six months, and that will change things quite a bit for me.

rogue2shadow

veritas_libertas wrote: »

I usually only get about an hour to study during the week, and some where around 4 or 5 hrs on Saturday. There is going to be a new addition to the family in about six months, and that will change things quite a bit for me.

Congrats man!

N2IT

Thanks for all the great replies. I found that I am similiar to a lot of you in a lot of ways.

Deesiel

I'm also a father (2 + 1 on the way), husband, full time student, full time employee, 'cert pursuer', and National Guard member. I guess when I step back and look at how my life is right now, it does seem a bit overwhelming. In the moment however, it doesn't seem like it. My wife and I keep our eyes on our goals... we talk about them everyday. It keeps us positive, focused, and driven.

Bl8ckr0uter

I am a husband, I work 2 jobs, and come September I will work I will be a full time student. Its all balanced because it has to be. As to how I do it, I don't. I have God and my wife to help me keep it all together.

mikedisd2

phantasm wrote: »

But to each their own. If you feel kids would get in the way of your life, then I wouldn't want you having kids anyway. God forbid you give something back to humanity as opposed to take it for yourself.

This is an awfully bizarre and inappropiate comment. The guy doesn't want kids. Don't rag on him like it's an injustice.

za3bour

stuh84 wrote: »

I've had the same opinion for about 12 years, and I don't see it ever changing. I am incredibly uncomfortable around children, and find absolutely no joy, see no cuteness in them, and I personally feel that theres enough kids around, so I'll leave it to the people who REALLY want them, rather than joining in to be part of something.

I have no problems with anyone who has kids, or wants them, but for me they'd just be something to get in the way of what I want to do with my life, sounds selfish, but it'd be more selfish to be the way I am and have kids than not.

I totally respect your decision and I know it's not words that might change your mind.I don't see it too as giving back to humanity because there is no guarantee that you're actually giving something good.