How to say NO? Prefer not to help someone.

baseball1988

I worked with a colleague who asked me to be his job reference...(he is still at his old job while I am working for a different company at the moment).

A few problems:
1. English is not his first language (i don't want to lie and say he has excellent communication skills)
2. I heard rumors saying that he did a lot of mistakes at work (causing customer disputes that goes up to management level)
3. I don't think I would be the best person to describe his work ethic. I'm not good coming up with answers

Any advice? I wasn't a supervisor or manager. Just a colleague.

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Comments

Everyone

Just say no.

ipchain

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Don't lie - just comment on a few positive things you were able to see/experience. Rumors are just that - rumors, so they don't carry a lot of weight in my book. Some people are terrible at doing certain things and very good at doing others.

It's your decision at the end of the day, but put yourself in his shoes and walk with them for a while.

Ryan82

Its tough, I know. Just say you have endorsed some people in the past and it has come back to bite you so you are not comfortable providing endorsements anymore.

I am always hesitant to provide a recommendation and a couple months ago I recommended I guy for a job where I work and it turned out that he lied about having a college degree. Well the company asked for proof of his degree after about a month on the job and after some dancing around saying he was attempting to retrieve it, we received an e-mail stating that he quit. He was a good guy and a great worker too so it really surprised me that he would have lied about the degree. I didn't get in trouble or anything but it was still a little embarrassing knowing that I endorsed him.

Forsaken_GA

This is part of the problem with society today. People are so afraid of conflict that they complicate their lives by either trying to find some complex way to get out of doing something, or they just give in and suffer the consequences.

Just say no. If he wants to know why, say you're not willing to talk about it. Then walk away. You are not accountable to him, and you don't owe him anything, so don't subordinate yourself to his desires, or compromise on your integrity to get out of it.

tl;dr version - Man up and just say no.

NetworkingStudent

I think you have the answer here:

baseball1988 wrote: »

3. I don't think I would be the best person to describe his work ethic. I'm not good coming up with answers

I’m sorry, I don’t think I would be the best person to vouch for you, since we didn’t work on a lot of projects together. It's direct and to the point. Wish him good luck on his job search and thank him for considering you for a reference. You never want to burn bridges. This is my advice at least.

SteveLord

Forsaken_GA wrote: »

This is part of the problem with society today. People are so afraid of conflict that they complicate their lives by either trying to find some complex way to get out of doing something, or they just give in and suffer the consequences.

Just say no. If he wants to know why, say you're not willing to talk about it. Then walk away. You are not accountable to him, and you don't owe him anything, so don't subordinate yourself to his desires, or compromise on your integrity to get out of it.

tl;dr version - Man up and just say no.

Indeed. My office leaves conflict up to the supervisors. I'd rather handle crap up front or have someone face me. However, out of respect for my superiors (who really take care of me)..I play by the rules.

Turgon

Forsaken_GA wrote: »

This is part of the problem with society today. People are so afraid of conflict that they complicate their lives by either trying to find some complex way to get out of doing something, or they just give in and suffer the consequences.

Just say no. If he wants to know why, say you're not willing to talk about it. Then walk away. You are not accountable to him, and you don't owe him anything, so don't subordinate yourself to his desires, or compromise on your integrity to get out of it.

tl;dr version - Man up and just say no.

Correct. In life there are times when you just have to say no. You dont have to give any reasons either.

N2IT

I worked with a guy like that. He consistenly killed databases, infact in the support center we had our access taken away because of him. Management downplayed it and masked it like it was an org change, but we knew it was because employee X was dropping tables like a champ. Dood never checked if a full backup was running. He would just drop the listener and restart the server. He consistenly wanted a raise. It was crazy and like your situation he asked us all to be his reference.

Zartanasaurus

Just say no. #2 seems like an odd reason though. You can't give a bad reference based on rumors.

Bain

Let your former colleague know that his work standards are lower than your expectations. That it is in your best interest not to give a reference.

cyberguypr

Forsaken_GA wrote: »

This is part of the problem with society today. People are so afraid of conflict that they complicate their lives by either trying to find some complex way to get out of doing something, or they just give in and suffer the consequences.

Just say no. If he wants to know why, say you're not willing to talk about it. Then walk away. You are not accountable to him, and you don't owe him anything, so don't subordinate yourself to his desires, or compromise on your integrity to get out of it.

tl;dr version - Man up and just say no.

Absolutely! Children owe their parents explanations. Adults don't have to explain squat. Imagine your life trying to explain everything that makes you uncomfortable. Just say no.

Ryan82

After thinking about it a bit, I agree with what has been said regarding just saying no to someone. As others have mentioned you don't owe anyone a referral nor an excuse should you not want to provide one.