How would you act in this situation?

Hi,
I will start off by giving a short brief of my background.
I work for an infosec company, this company started off with just one IT guy from the beginning, this guy is still here - same role, fast-forward to 2012, I was hired, both of us being the only two IT personnel until a year ago.
me and the oldbie are sitting in a very tiny room, the manager and the other IT guy sitting in another room (they were both hired during 2013).
The oldbie is simply a dork, and not nice, his attitude causes me to feel uncomfortable during the day, he is pissed off from the moment he enters till the moment he leaves,and that is due to him hating his job / unsatisfied with it, we hardly ever talk during the day (Literally don't talk, for 9 straight hours), which drags my mood down as well, at times I leave the office very angry for no actual reason.
I have to say that we have a gap in age, he's around 41 and I'm 26, so I can see why (just an assumption) he can't find something to talk about with me, although I have had older co-workers than me before and never had any problems with any one.
We sit in a very tiny room, our desks are placed really close, so we're kind of seating almost face to face , and sometimes during the day I feel like I can't sit there any more due to the constant bad spirit around, and I have no where else to escape to, I try to take coffee breaks but they're short and don't help me much.
I figured I might have a talk to my manager, so I did, and he offered to get me out of the room and sit with them, but I'm afraid this will cause extra hostility and I'm not a type of a person that likes tight situations, but on the other hand, I don't want to feel the way I feel everyday.
any suggestions?

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Comments

networker050184

Have you tried talking to the guy about it? Maybe he feels the same way about you and you guys just need to get it out in the open.

MSP-IT

From my perspective, I think this type of situation would be best handled by talking to him. Take the manager up on the opportunity to move. What would feel worse, staying in the environment your currently in or moving and dealing with the older employee after you move?

Iristheangel

Probably one of those things you can reach out and talk to him about first. He might feel a little upset if you go to your manager first and it has the potential to create extra hostility. Just because he's older doesn't mean you necessarily have nothing that you guys relate to. You might be happy at your job while he's not but maybe there is some common ground to read in terms of other things. I'm not saying to bare your soul or anything or start talking about your personal life but sometimes just reaching out and joking or chatting about something that's not-too-serious will lighten the mood. Ask what his favorite shows, music, sports, etc are and who knows? Maybe you'll find you have a little more in common with him that you originally thought.

Or if you don't want to do that or put effort into it, then go ahead and ask to move. You'll run into negative people throughout your career and unfortunately they're an energy drain. Sometimes moving isn't always an option either or will reflect negatively on you if some future manager gets the notion you can't get along with your coworkers or gets the impression you don't try.

Saundie

I have had a similar experience with an older colleague (I'm 28, he's 45) who does little but complain every day. We get on just fine, and talk about various things, but he manages to introduce negativity to every conversation. It took me a while to notice it, but it occurred to me that his negativity was seeping into me. When I realized what was happening, I spoke to him about his outlook on life, to try to get an idea of why he's so downbeat all the time. Eventually he admitted that he resents having to do an entry level job after years of career progression. I pointed out to him that the only person who has the ability to resolve that issue is him, and that if he wants to get back to where he was prior to this job, he has to work his way back to it.

We have been having that same conversation every few months for the past few years. It eventually got to the point where I realized that he just wasn't going to do anything about it, and that I couldn't provoke him into taking action. As luck would have it, another job opportunity has come up that I've accepted, so I won't be working with him as of the end of next week. I feel a bit guilty for saying this, as I like the guy, but I can already feel the weight lifting from my shoulders knowing that I won't be subject to his relentless pessimism.

It occurs to me that my above comment is completely unhelpful to you. Sorry about that

neo9006

I would agree talk to him about it. I use to work with a lot of younger people back at my second job. I use to ask them stuff and try to advice them especially the ones I knew that were working hard. Not that I didn't try to advise others. They would look at you with that blank stare like they knew it all. I remember being like that when I was younger. Like Saundie said, he needs to do something about it. I am going to be 41 this year, getting my degree, and then working on my A+ and then go from there. The movie quote says it all "get busy living or get busy dying" if I am not mistaken. I rather get busy living and enjoying life more. Congrats on the new job and good luck. Well Expect he just needs to listen to some Jay Z and everyone will have something to talk about lol. Joking aside, I hope the situation works out.

zeroth

My company has recently drawn up plans to implement a formal and informal mentoring program, and it's the kind of work environment where turnover is extremely low and many people have been there for ten or twenty years. I think it's a great idea to bridge the gap between the younger, less tenured IT staff and the ones that have been around forever and have that invaluable institutional knowledge that the rest of us lack. Maybe you could bring this up to your manager as a possible way to encourage better teamwork and cooperation?

Beyond that, try finding something you can compliment him on, some project or task he did well. Kill him with kindness and maybe the negativity will subside. Some people are just ornery and that trait tends to worsen with age.

Cleverclogs

In my last office I worked on a help desk that had a quite wide range of people working there. One of them was a guy that had worked there (When I started) for 15 years, and had been utterly destroyed by the job in that time. During my 6 years there I saw almost everyone else move on up the ladder (Including myself eventually) but he was just resigned to always being there. The guy saw himself as one day running the show, but because he'd been ruined by the job he'd become pedantic and lost all sense of tact. I tried hard to befriend him, and in the end I used to talk to him about movies I'd seen. It made it a little more bearable, although it was hard to do.

Codyy

Cleverclogs wrote: »

In my last office I worked on a help desk that had a quite wide range of people working there. One of them was a guy that had worked there (When I started) for 15 years, and had been utterly destroyed by the job in that time. During my 6 years there I saw almost everyone else move on up the ladder (Including myself eventually) but he was just resigned to always being there. The guy saw himself as one day running the show, but because he'd been ruined by the job he'd become pedantic and lost all sense of tact. I tried hard to befriend him, and in the end I used to talk to him about movies I'd seen. It made it a little more bearable, although it was hard to do.

Man I hate to make a joke out of this but I couldn't help but read your post and think of your co-worker as being..

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images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR3At1E2x9WmdpApgStUbQKvSrwtSX2vjMMbNXF80p0Xxs2qBhQaQ

blargoe

^ Hey, I resemble that...

Cleverclogs

That's not really that far off TBH! I've been in my new job a year next week, and since I've been gone someone else there has been promoted ahead of him. They started in 2011...

Snow.bros

I have no suggestion but i can some how relate to what you experiencing, well i am a really quiet guy and i have zero personality under the public eye and i have a difficulty in making friends reason being i am comfortable with people after spending time with and when i get used your character or your personality. The guys i work with are tons older than me all married, i usually don't fit in on their conversations and i am not comfortable enough to crack jokes around them because i can't relate to them because of the age factor and it's not that they are bad people they are awesome people i just don't know what to talk about with them. I am kind of person, to see my personality i have to be totally open into any conversation, we need to talk like we are friends, and i need to be comfortable with you to be open to you. Remember sometimes different personalities can clash most of the time, so i think you will have to talk to your manager about your situation they tend to have a better solution on such issues.