Updated resume critique

arrogantbastard

Hey guys, so I'm transitioning out of the Marine Corps and one of the things they're having us do is an employment workshop put on by the department of labor. I had a resume that I posted on here a few weeks ago and the main criticism was that people claimed I was embellishing my resume with exaggerated details (their basis for that was that everyone in the military does that so I must do it). Anyways, I totally remade my resume today based on input from the workshop teacher while using my old format, please feel free to comment on it.

GreenLantern

I would think about expanding on you IT experience, I mean you have dhcp, listed as well as eigrp, ospf, bgp but you don't really say what how you interacted with it on a daily basis. I would expand on you expertise and use it to show what exactly you did while you where a net administrator for the marines.

If I interviewed you I would probably ask about those things just to make sure you actually knew them. So you might as well show them that you do.

arrogantbastard

Thank you, I was afraid that part would be vague. Fortunately I feel I wouldn't have a problem backing it up in an interview, but the goal is getting in the door so I'll work on those.

cyberguypr

Hmm... "Cisco Certified Entry Technician". Also, CompTIA needs to be fixed.

arrogantbastard

cyberguypr wrote: »

Hmm... "Cisco Certified Entry Technician". Also, CompTIA needs to be fixed.

Of course the only part of my previous resume I left untouched has those same typos. I had fixed those before, but when my hd recently failed I had to recover an old version with the typo still in it and didn't notice them again.

BGraves

My thoughts/suggestions-

Put your work experience up higher, under your summary (Do you really need the word "profile"?)

None of your "skills" or "expertise" talk about soft skills, just technical. Your profile include some but not much, I'd add more. Do a google search for them, find ones that apply to you, add them.

I'd try to make your supervisory skills line also include something about being able to work well with a team, lead them, or work on your own.

Most civilians doesn't know what a "billet" is, translate as appropriate.

I'm sure you had some amount of service tickets that you handled during that time period? Did you do a good job and develop great customer service skills during your time as a net admin?

Do you really need to spell out each individual part of Office that you used?
I don't see Visio? (For network and rack diagrams, generally part of a network admins documentation)

You have Retina listed and network and system security but don't list anything about it in your experience?

Did any of the people you supervised and trained accomplish anything? If so, you should list it. College credits, certs, advancement, etc

Do you need "consisting of many layer 2 and layer 3 technologies suited to the needs of each business site" in your summary? Seems like you could just leave it at "Experience designing and building fault-tolerant networks."

I highly doubt you need "Syracuse University, Veteran's Transition Program, 2014" on there, or a High School Diploma. Generally if a employer sees college credit or degree they assume HS Diploma, though they may ask you to provide proof of diploma on intention of hiring.


Best of luck to you!
I'd highly suggest using your Post 9-11 GI bill if it's available to you!