Resume review

Ever since embracing Ernest Hemingway's, "The first draft of anything is ****" mentality I have been able to get my thoughts on to paper much quicker....but my first draft is usually pretty rough. At this point, its draft #2. I appreciate all feedback. The job I am applying to is for a salaried data center technician job in a data center 20 minutes from where I live. The ideas is to get my foot in the door with this job and then grow into a network focused position which they have many of.

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nster

I just started looking at it, but there are a few mistakes I see already... family's not families, missing comma, weird phrasing ("and a fulfilling days at work"). The 53% looks weird, putting half way completed or something would make more sense. EDIT: woops I'm an idiot. I'm also not a fan of using "I".

It lacks information on what you know how to do. Have a technical skills area where you go more in depth of what you are familiar with or something? Perhaps change your job tasks to reflect it better?

EDIT: and yea, the picture seems unnecessary. I understand it can score you points with certain people, but it can lose you points too

twodogs62

Not sure putting picture is necessary. In fact, I've never seen it on one.
leave it off.

for your bs, instead of 53%, you could put candidate. And then also expected completion date.

--chris--

nster wrote: »

I just started looking at it, but there are a few mistakes I see already... family's not families, missing comma, weird phrasing ("and a fulfilling days at work"). The 53% looks weird, putting half way completed or something would make more sense. Saying "Previous Employer" or "Current Employer" is redundant when you put the dates. I'm also not a fan of using "I".

It lacks information on what you know how to do. Have a technical skills area where you go more in depth of what you are familiar with or something? Perhaps change your job tasks to reflect it better?

EDIT: and yea, the picture seems unnecessary. I understand it can score you points with certain people, but it can lose you points too

i know this resume will get screened by non technical HR people. I figured the pic might be worth a shot, but is it taboo?

The "previous/current employer" thing is the result of my redaction.

You touched on a good point that I am struggling with. In my current role I touch so many different systems, setups, technologies and configurations it's really difficult to nail down a handful of key skills. This is also part of the reason why I am looking for other positions, my work almost never let's me get in to deep with anything. Any tips here?

--chris--

twodogs62 wrote: »

Not sure putting picture is necessary. In fact, I've never seen it on one.
leave it off.

for your bs, instead of 53%, you could put candidate. And then also expected completion date.

I'll drop the % and add an expecting date. Thanks.

LeBroke

I'm fairly certain a photo is a no-no in North America (as opposed to a few countries in Europe where it's expected). So unless you're also applying as a bartender, leave it out. Instead, put your address block near the top (where the photo currently is).

You borderline have enough material for 2 pages. May be worth to flesh it out a bit.

I'm not a fan of the "objective" section. Even though you haven't labeled it as one, the "since leaving my family's business...." part is an objective. The second part, "the position available at Online Tech" belongs in your cover letter. Whether they read it or not is up to them, but it's pretty irrelevant to the resume. The resume is cliff notes of your career, not of your aspirations.

HR love STAR - Situation Task Action Result. You have the line "plan and execute projects of varying size." Why not flesh it out? Something like "Oversaw and executed successful migration of X nodes from Server 2003 to Server 2012." "Designed and deployed from scratch X Windows AD domains servicing Y number of workstations." "Created a network monitoring node that increased IT response times to critical failures from hours to minutes."

Even if you do nothing else, flesh out your summary. Having "Exchange" listed in applications doesn't tell me much. Did you set up people's Outlook and then synced it with Exchange? Or did you create an AD/Exchange infrastructure from scratch for a 10,000 employee enterprise? Chances are, you were somewhere in the middle.

StarxOn

You need to work on your template...

anhtran35

Eliminate the PICTURE. Unless you are applying for a modeling or acting gig there is no reason for people to see your face initially.

You should have a PROFESSIONAL SUMMARY above SKILLs that state your objective and career aspiration.

It seems you are trying to make your resume and cover letter into one paper: "Because of this I beleive the position availible within Online Tech as a Data Center technician would provide this opprotunity to me while presenting me with the ability to grow & expand my skills within your organization." You need to have a COVER LETTER when applying for jobs and attach the resume with the LETTER/EMAIL.

For the SA job, you need to be more specific on what technology you work on: example: Server 2008R2? Linux? Active Directory? Exchange?

For the Desktop Support II, give an example of a large scale project. Once again, you can state were you working with Linux or Windows OS.

Lose the 53% and stated graduation expected by May 2016 or something.

Overall, your formatting needs to be cleaned up. Try a top down resume. Additionally proof read your resume. There are numerous spelling errors in your objective alone: "beleive"; "availible"; "opprotunity".

--chris--

StarxOn wrote: »

You need to work on your template...

I believe this will make the biggest improvement, this was a new template I was working with primarily because of the photo piece. If I get time tonight I will scrap this template and move into the old one I used.

--chris--

anhtran35 wrote: »

You should have a PROFESSIONAL SUMMARY above SKILLs that state your objective and career aspiration.

It seems you are trying to make your resume and cover letter into one paper: "Because of this I beleive the position availible within Online Tech as a Data Center technician would provide this opprotunity to me while presenting me with the ability to grow & expand my skills within your organization." You need to have a COVER LETTER when applying for jobs and attach the resume with the LETTER/EMAIL.

Good point, I need to split this out into a cover letter & resume. My first resume was when I had almost no experience, therefore it was very light on skills & experience. I think I have come to the point where I can fill out a resume a little better.

For the SA job, you need to be more specific on what technology you work on: example: Server 2008R2? Linux? Active Directory? Exchange?

I have worked with 2003, 2008, 2008 R2, 2012, 2012 R2 mostly in the migration realm but also in the application configuration and deployment area. I have worked 2008/2012 more than 03.

As for linux, its been lighter use. Mostly greps looking for a file name or running the equivalent of show commands to see system up time, etc...

For the Desktop Support II, give an example of a large scale project. Once again, you can state were you working with Linux or Windows OS.

I left the details out because I thought I was supposed to keep it short and to the point. Maybe not?

Lose the 53% and stated graduation expected by May 2016 or something.

Overall, your formatting needs to be cleaned up. Try a top down resume. Additionally proof read your resume. There are numerous spelling errors in your objective alone: "beleive"; "availible"; "opprotunity".

Thanks for the review, I appreciate the input. See my additions in bold above.

Edit: For anyone else working on their resume, I found this great post:
http://www.techexams.net/forums/jobs-degrees/106710-resume-review.html#post901232

srabiee

Glad you found that post. I highly recommend taking a look at ptilsen's resume template. Also, I fixed the broken link for the Resume Guide.

--chris--

srabiee wrote: »

Glad you found that post. I highly recommend taking a look at ptilsen's resume template. Also, I fixed the broken link for the Resume Guide.

Thanks for fixing that link, good stuff in there. I finally have time to work on this again. Using Ptilsens as a guide it seems I am looking for a "traditional" "professional" resume with center justification but to be honest all of the resumes I like look very similar to the same design as Ptilsens.

Is it bad mojo to use his as my template?

I had a consult with a new client this week. He mentioned that he liked how I broke down the cost of the system and its migration into individual parts with pricing and how detailed each step was. He then said it was like reading a good resume with details vs reading a resume that just hits bullet points.

It was a light bulb moment for sure lol.

srabiee

A lot of people use ptilsen's resume as a template. Just make sure you strip out his writing and replace it with your own.

Robertf969

Consider using the STAR method for your bullets section. Get rid of all that crap on the left, its not necessary and probably not appreciated by most HR reps and recruiters.

Your bullet: Translate customer requests into deliverable technologies

a STAR bullet (all BS insert your own accomplishment): Presented with customer requests daily, actively listens to customer and recommends deliverable technologies to improve performance, resulting in an increased efficiency for the end user.

Your bullet: Deploy and Migrate Windows Domains

STAR bullet: Migrated 302 Windows domains in the first quarter of the fiscal year, exceeding the company average by 13%

PM me if you would like to see my resume, hope that helps.

STAR Method link: https://warrington.ufl.edu/graduate/gbcs/docs/STARmethod.pdf

--chris--

Robertf969 wrote: »

Consider using the STAR method for your bullets section. Get rid of all that crap on the left, its not necessary and probably not appreciated by most HR reps and recruiters.

Your bullet: Translate customer requests into deliverable technologies

a STAR bullet (all BS insert your own accomplishment): Presented with customer requests daily, actively listens to customer and recommends deliverable technologies to improve performance, resulting in an increased efficiency for the end user.

Your bullet: Deploy and Migrate Windows Domains

STAR bullet: Migrated 302 Windows domains in the first quarter of the fiscal year, exceeding the company average by 13%

PM me if you would like to see my resume, hope that helps.

STAR Method link: https://warrington.ufl.edu/graduate/gbcs/docs/STARmethod.pdf

I am abandoning the first resume idea (for future readers, pic = bad idea). I am making Ptilsens template and using the method Srabiee and yourself posted. Thanks! Give me some time for rev 2.

srabiee

Robert, thanks for posting that document. I had never heard of the STAR method but I will definitely read through that material when I have some free time.

Chris, let us know when your v2 is ready. Once you get the PDF uploaded I will see what I can come up with you help you further.

--chris--

Whats a good way of saying that I make great "guides" and documents problems / translate client issue into action items really well?

--chris--

Rough Draft #2 is attached to this post.

My concerns:

The phrasing of things; it does not sound detailed enough...but if I add details then it doesn't look like it belongs in a resume.
two pages...I have always tried for one
I have only been in IT since fall of '13, my experiences are on the lighter side...but then again the position I am applying too is a mid level position. They did not request 10+ years of experience.
I do a lot of server work, but its more or less maintaining things..not adding wildly different capabilities. Its mostly hunting down syslog errors and ironing them out with a migration tossed in once a month
I have done quite a bit of VTP and VLAN troubleshooting lately, but I don't feel comfortable listing either of those terms on a resume since I feel like that would open to door for a grilling on those subjects

Let me have it, I appreciate all feedback. It only makes me better.

RoughDraft2.doc

nster

I didn't really read the content, but already looks SO MUCH BETTER in terms of easy to read format and how much effort it looks like you put in. Much more professional feel. Definitively a great template to use

--chris--

nster wrote: »

I didn't really read the content, but already looks SO MUCH BETTER in terms of easy to read format and how much effort it looks like you put in. Much more professional feel. Definitively a great template to use

Yes, PW and Ptilsen made a killer template.

I also forgot to mention I feel like some of my bullet points could be eliminated, rephrased or combined on my current job. I put a lot of stuff into the rough draft I feel could be cut.

Robertf969

2nd draft is leaps and bounds better than the first.
Since you don't have a ton of experience move your certifications and education to the top, right after your professional summary. I also include my certification ID numbers so employers can verify that I am not full of it, if they are so inclined (some guys on here disagree with me on doing that).

I like how you are describing your role and than verifying it with achievement statements! Try to use more units of measure though.

Developed new ticketing procedure that eliminated duplication issues, resulting in faster incident response times for clients

Is this measurable? How much faster? a 20% increase perhaps?

ü " Created security policies that allowed clients to easily tailor them to their environment, reducing labor costs and ticket volume"

Is this measurable? HR loves to see the business impact, simply saying it helped isnt that impressive, but if it saved the company thousands of dollars, now that's impressive.

The desktop engineer and helpdesk bullets need to more closely resemble the quality of your system engineer bullets.

Once you have commited to going two pages you should use all two pages, volunteer work, professional organization, or even a listing of relevant college coursework can help fill up the extra page.

N2IT

I didn't realize that template was going to be such a hit. When I built that template for PT I was just messing around trying to get creative but not go over the top. I am very pleased to see that template helping out a lot of people.

srabiee

N2IT,

Yes, this template is still considered the gold standard on the forums. Excellent work!

--chris--

Robertf969 wrote: »

2nd draft is leaps and bounds better than the first.
Since you don't have a ton of experience move your certifications and education to the top, right after your professional summary. I also include my certification ID numbers so employers can verify that I am not full of it, if they are so inclined (some guys on here disagree with me on doing that).

I like how you are describing your role and than verifying it with achievement statements! Try to use more units of measure though.
Developed new ticketing procedure that eliminated duplication issues, resulting in faster incident response times for clients

Is this measurable? How much faster? a 20% increase perhaps?

ü " Created security policies that allowed clients to easily tailor them to their environment, reducing labor costs and ticket volume"

Is this measurable? HR loves to see the business impact, simply saying it helped isnt that impressive, but if it saved the company thousands of dollars, now that's impressive.

The desktop engineer and helpdesk bullets need to more closely resemble the quality of your system engineer bullets.

Once you have commited to going two pages you should use all two pages, volunteer work, professional organization, or even a listing of relevant college coursework can help fill up the extra page.

I will re-arrange it and try to think long and hard about my second job. I did a lot of stuff there, I am certain I can find ways to detail it and fill up the bullet points.

I am also going to try and spend some time "STAR"ing all of the bullet points where possible. You say HR loves that, to me it just reads better and feels like it completes the "story" of the resume.

While we didn't formally measure the effectiveness of the ticketing change, I am certain I could back and compare numbers to draw a reasonable conclusion. I feel like this will be anecdotal however, which is not something I would use to lay claim normally. Should I try to quantify everything I have done?

@N2IT, you are the man with this!

srabiee

This is just IMO, but try to refrain from using the word "troubleshot." It may be correct usage of the word, but it sounds quirky and there are plenty of other words to use in its place.

"Assisted in designing, implemented and supported..." present and past tense mixed together

"Developed and implements network segmentation" same as above

"Remotely resolved issues using remote access software" What software?

"Diligently maintained work & time" this is redundant because of the first bullet

The third job listing has a font inconsistency.

I agree that job position #2 and #3 need more work in order to resemble the detail that you put into job #1.

--chris--

srabiee wrote: »

This is just IMO, but try to refrain from using the word "troubleshot." It may be correct usage of the word, but it sounds quirky and there are plenty of other words to use in its place.

"Assisted in designing, implemented and supported..." present and past tense mixed together - Thanks, fixed this

"Developed and implements network segmentation" same as above -fixed, added estimated efficiency increase

"Remotely resolved issues using remote access software" What software? - fixed

"Diligently maintained work & time" this is redundant because of the first bullet -eliminated

The third job listing has a font inconsistency. -I don't see it...at what point does it come off the rails?

I agree that job position #2 and #3 need more work in order to resemble the detail that you put into job #1.

I am working on beefing up Job#1 and #2. This is probably the most difficult part. I am essentially going over job ads for those positions, looking for "tasks & duties" that I performed while I was there.

I re-worded parts of the first job description and added a bullet point or two there. Am I at the limit for bullet points on my current job? Rev3 should be ready this week.

--chris--

I moved the education and certification to the top per the suggestion, but it forced the bullet points from my current job to get split in half on page 1 and 2. I then moved it back to the bottom...

I also went back through and added statistics where possible, worked through my 600+ tickets and picked out my biggest/most complex then thought long and hard about why the client needed the work done instead of the actual work performed. From that I was able to add one or two more STAR bullets and transform one or two into STAR bullets. Its coming along, but I have a few questions:

1) I'm still shy of filling two pages and I have been reaching deep to remember what I did at the internship, but honestly other than the Zabbix setup and sorting through a messy / slow Lync implementation all I did was troubleshoot outlook and hardware issues 90% of the time.

2)Cover letter; I need to do some research on this but I think I should be using one to help sell myself. On paper, I am light on experience and don't have the complex issues others have to put on their resumes. I do however have more motivation to build my skill set and move into the networking side of the field than anyone I have met since getting into IT. I can easily express that during an interview, but I need to get the interview first...

At any rate, Rev3 is attached. Again, thanks everyone for helping me put together a resume like this. Its inching me closer to what I ultimately want to do!

RoughDraft3.doc

Robertf969

The font size changes after "Led user training sessions and provided 1-on-1 training"

Its looking so much better every time you update it. STAR bullets help a lot. If you really cant fill the second page list relevant classes completed.

srabiee

I wouldn't worry too much about completely filling the second page. You want to leave a little room for additional certs, expanding upon current job description, etc. It looks pretty full as it is.

Align your dates to the right side of the page. (right-justify)

In your summary, don't use the "&" symbol. Use the word "and" instead. That goes for the entire resume. You want to write academically and professionally.

Consider including the city and state for each job description. Hiring managers may want to know this information.

"Advocated for the implementation of security best practices wherever possible" looks to be a smaller font. Actually, there are at least 5 bullets I found that use a smaller font that the rest of the resume. But then again your .doc file is opening in compatibility mode on my end. I recommend uploading your resume in PDF format for future revisions.

"Researched and learned new technology to quickly provide solutions to end users" this sounds vague and/or a bit of fluff. I would find an alternative way to convey this, or delete this one. You could describe what technologies you self-learned to assist users, and possibly describe how those technologies helped users.

I recommend reducing and/or clubbing some of these bullets. I would recommend no more than 6 or 7 bullets per job. 8 would probably be the absolute max. It just becomes tiresome to read through at that point.

You don't have to include the word "major" in your bachelors degree description.

Under certifications, you only have 1 cert under each subcategory. Because of this, you can lose the subcategories for the time being. Just list them like this:

Cisco Certified Network Associate (CCNA)
ITIL Foundations
CompTIA A+ | ce (if you are indeed part of the CE program)

You've done some excellent work. I'm looking forward to seeing the next revision. I'm sure this thing will be a polished gem by the time you are done.

--chris--

srabiee wrote: »

I wouldn't worry too much about completely filling the second page. You want to leave a little room for additional certs, expanding upon current job description, etc. It looks pretty full as it is.

Align your dates to the right side of the page. (right-justify)

In your summary, don't use the "&" symbol. Use the word "and" instead. That goes for the entire resume. You want to write academically and professionally.

Consider including the city and state for each job description. Hiring managers may want to know this information.

"Advocated for the implementation of security best practices wherever possible" looks to be a smaller font. Actually, there are at least 5 bullets I found that use a smaller font that the rest of the resume. But then again your .doc file is opening in compatibility mode on my end. I recommend uploading your resume in PDF format for future revisions.

"Researched and learned new technology to quickly provide solutions to end users" this sounds vague and/or a bit of fluff. I would find an alternative way to convey this, or delete this one. You could describe what technologies you self-learned to assist users, and possibly describe how those technologies helped users.

I recommend reducing and/or clubbing some of these bullets. I would recommend no more than 6 or 7 bullets per job. 8 would probably be the absolute max. It just becomes tiresome to read through at that point.

You don't have to include the word "major" in your bachelors degree description.

Under certifications, you only have 1 cert under each subcategory. Because of this, you can lose the subcategories for the time being. Just list them like this:

Cisco Certified Network Associate (CCNA)
ITIL Foundations
CompTIA A+ | ce (if you are indeed part of the CE program)

You've done some excellent work. I'm looking forward to seeing the next revision. I'm sure this thing will be a polished gem by the time you are done.

I am always afraid my bullet points will come across as fluff. I am not a braggart and I didn't tell anyone about any of my achievements except for my wife and parents (and even then, its mostly because they want to know what I kept busy with for all this time lol). I feel very disingenuous when filling out the resume, which is probably by I have such a hard time creating content for this. And this isnt to say those of you with great resumes are braggarts. I am only saying this feels very unnatural for me!

I have a mountain of school work and work work this weekend, my boys 3rd birthday party and life. I am uncertain when I will get to fold these changes in, but I will post up rev 4 when its ready. I am thinking this will be the final rev, the job I am aiming for starts interviews in the fall but I found another job I am interested in (entry level security at a NYSE traded company that is 30 minutes from my door step in rural Michigan, its a Unicorn)

srabiee

Many people have a difficult time writing about themselves. I have the same issue. It has to be done, however, to create a competent and detailed resume. That is one of the challenges involved.