When things were going so well....

CompuTron99

New Job + Newly Found Freedom = New Life.

Start from scratch, take some time for yourself, then get out there meet some new ladies.

FYI... When I've been in your situation ( numerous times), I would watch the following movies:

Old School and Swingers

RouteThisWay

CompuTron99 wrote: »

New Job + Newly Found Freedom = New Life.

Start from scratch, take some time for yourself, then get out there meet some new ladies.

FYI... When I've been in your situation ( numerous times), I would watch the following movies:

Old School and Swingers

Exact approach I am taking.


Quick question Turgon.. dating sites. Seriously? lol I have never done that before. I do have somewhat of a preconceived idea of the quality of women on a dating site. The desperate, clingy, a few screws loose types lol. But I guess I could find that anywhere. You have experience in that arena? lol


Never seen Swingers. It has been recommended to me however, so I do believe I will check that out.

rwmidl

Swingers...such a great film (an even better single guys film).

Hypntick

RouteThisWay wrote: »

Exact approach I am taking.


Quick question Turgon.. dating sites. Seriously? lol I have never done that before. I do have somewhat of a preconceived idea of the quality of women on a dating site. The desperate, clingy, a few screws loose types lol. But I guess I could find that anywhere. You have experience in that arena? lol


Never seen Swingers. It has been recommended to me however, so I do believe I will check that out.

I can't speak for dating sites, however on a Facebook type website I met my wife. So not everyone is a whack job on these things. Sure you've got your usual venues to meet people but why not keep all options open? No need to limit yourself. Of course at 24, you've got time on your side.

Mishra

Met my g/f on a local dating site. It's not a match making site, it was a 'look through profiles' site and message them if you like them.

It takes a lot of time out of your life since your a male and to get responses is like fishing in your bathtub.

However, I met quite a few ladies and had a lot of fun screwing around until I met the one I've been with for 5 years.

ehnde

I 3rd that recommendation. Met my significant other on a dating site. It might be better than meeting women in a bar There are some crazies on dating sites, but there are also perfectly normal women. It's getting to be less of a taboo thing to do.

If you do decide to do that (or meet any women in real life by other means) don't talk about the ex-gf!

Turgon

RouteThisWay wrote: »

Exact approach I am taking.


Quick question Turgon.. dating sites. Seriously? lol I have never done that before. I do have somewhat of a preconceived idea of the quality of women on a dating site. The desperate, clingy, a few screws loose types lol. But I guess I could find that anywhere. You have experience in that arena? lol


Never seen Swingers. It has been recommended to me however, so I do believe I will check that out.

It's a great way to get dates and many more people are comfortable with it these days. I tried it when I lived in London and had a lot of success. Simply surf from the comfort of your home in the evening and get some chat going with the profiles you like. Sure there are lots of people to work through and work out but that cuts both ways. You have to put sometime in but its a good way for single busy people to get dates without all the hassle and expence of wandering around clubs and what have you. Met my wife through online dating. Married, raising a family. Happy.

CodeBlox

Turgon,

Just out of curiosity, who is the lady in your avatar? Is that your wife? I've been meaning to ask you this. At first, I thought it was you but then after listening in on some chat here, I was able to eliminate that as a possibility. Perhaps it's just some random avatar you stumbled upon online.

Turgon

CodeBlox wrote: »

Turgon,

Just out of curiosity, who is the lady in your avatar? Is that your wife? I've been meaning to ask you this. At first, I thought it was you but then after listening in on some chat here, I was able to eliminate that as a possibility. Perhaps it's just some random avatar you stumbled upon online.

That is 'routergirl', a picture from a late nineties IT site called routergod. She's loving a Catalyst 5000. It was a great time to be a nerd putting in the new Cisco plumbing..$$$$$$$.

rwmidl

I met my wife through a dating site. It takes some time (and a little thick skin) to deal with those sites. In fact, right before I met her I was tired of the whole thing and ready to hang it up.

Piece of advice, if you do decide to use a dating site, be honest in your profile. If you aren't looking for anything serious, just say so. Don't give any impression that you are looking to settle down if you are just interested in meeting someone, having some fun and nothing serious.

Turgon

rwmidl wrote: »

I met my wife through a dating site. It takes some time (and a little thick skin) to deal with those sites. In fact, right before I met her I was tired of the whole thing and ready to hang it up.

Piece of advice, if you do decide to use a dating site, be honest in your profile. If you aren't looking for anything serious, just say so. Don't give any impression that you are looking to settle down if you are just interested in meeting someone, having some fun and nothing serious.

Try both. Open minded about making a go of it if that's what you both decide to do. Keeps your options open both ways! A lot of girls will avoid someone if they think they are just sharking for dates and you could miss out on meetings that could lead to so much more. Be confident and easygoing but offer possilbilities. Alternatively just be bold some nights and show a sense of humour in your chatlines! I found 'looking for someone who likes shopping' got me a lot of replies which lead to some fun converstions and dates. Women like men who have a bit of cheek and dont take themselves too seriously.

bertieb

Some good advice in here. Go and enjoy yourself RoutethisWay, life is very short indeed.

Aldur wrote: »

I happened to walk in on my GF in bed with her boss. Later she married the guy. And of course she always swore that nothing happened...

Ouch!

SteveLord

phantasm wrote: »

Some of the best advice in the thread. I was with my wife for 2 years before I proposed. Been six years of marriage and both of us having careers and a kid is tough. We all make decisions... just be sure you're really ready when you make yours.

Better advice: Don't blow a lot of money on a gf period. At least a marriage is legally binding and you can get Judge Judy on your side.

RouteThisWay

Wow, it is more common than I thought then! It is interesting to see that many of you guys have gone this route. Maybe I should RouteThatWay (see what I did there?) and see what happens.

Btw, I have been wondering the last couple years who the girl was in Turgon's avatar as well... if anything, out of this entire mess... it has lead me to the discovery of of one of life's unanswered questions.... who is the girl in Turgon's avatar?

Haha. Hoping to hear back soon on the apt I looked at. Put a deposit down, they are running the background stuff now. Not worried there at all. I have good credit, no criminal history whatsoever (except a traffic ticket when I was 1. The only thing that concerns me is my previous living situation. My gf lived in the apt before I moved in. I lived there for 6 months. About a month in, I signed on the lease. She took the liberty of calling the apt landlord when she was plotting the breakup and having them remove me from the lease.

However, I never signed anything saying I was removed from the lease. I hope that doesn't DQ from a rental app. I have tried calling my old landlord but she isn't returning my calls so I have no idea if I am still on the lease or not. I am not worried about the lease in general because my now ex gf is very fiscally responsible. She is big on paying her bills (thankfully). I just don't want it to ruin my app with the new apt complex. I did get a call yesterday from a renting app processing company that verifies applicants asking about an older address of mine where I lived, but didn't pay rent (crashed with friends for a couple months when I was 19). So I should hear back something today hopefully.

MickQ

Yup, it's common. Such things are in life.
You're 24. Enjoy your life. There's a lot of good advice here on this thread. Go on a load of dates as they suit you and figure out what you want in a good girlfriend. Then you can build on that for a wife.
And take your time on them. As you discovered, you never know what might happen one day, and it's better to be single than married at that time. Helps reduce possible fallout. Having said that though, don't let it discourage you.
I've never spent much time with a girl picked up in a pub. The dating sites will give you a better idea of what they're like than when you have 10 pints on you. For what it's worth, my flings have been from getting on with them at events, to me randomly questioning them on the street and getting their number. Just be natural and yourself. No airs, no graces, just yourself.

Anonymouse

The whole dating site thing didn't seem too attractive in the early 00's 'cause barely anyone had a means to upload pictures to these things. I've had one friend who has been using dating sites for years now from the dark ages of AOL to the marvelous myspaces and facebooks of today. He has struck out many times and has only met whales to get laid. A lot of my other friends nowadays seem to have good luck getting laid off of places like Myspace or other dating sites while a few have even found themselves in long term relationships.

MickQ

Anonymouse wrote: »

The whole dating site thing didn't seem too attractive in the early 00's 'cause barely anyone had a means to upload pictures to these things. I've had one friend who has been using dating sites for years now from the dark ages of AOL to the marvelous myspaces and facebooks of today. He has struck out many times and has only met whales to get laid. A lot of my other friends nowadays seem to have good luck getting laid off of places like Myspace or other dating sites while a few have even found themselves in long term relationships.

Be glad you weren't trying it in the 80s. Ascii art can only do so much.

RouteThisWay

MickQ wrote: »

Be glad you weren't trying it in the 80s. Ascii art can only do so much.

LMAO. Classic

cyberguypr

Seems like I wasn't the only one wondering about Turgon's avatar. And for the record, I met my wife on a chat room back in 1999. We are celebrating our 10 year anniversary next month. Also know several normal happy couple product of dating sites.

kiki162

You'll be ok, it's sad that she didn't speak up earlier, but hey it's her loss and not yours so remember that. I've been there and done that with a long term relationship, while working in IT, so I know a thing or too about it.

First thing is your now ex probably wasn't on the same path as you, which was probably why she was unhappy. More than likely, you want someone that has there "stuff" together, like a career, finances in order, has goals, etc..etc. Reminding yourself about all the little things that you didn't like about your ex...will help you to move past it.

Coming from a female perspective...and I'll keep in short...you have plenty of time to find the right one...and she was not the right one. I would remove/delete everything that reminds you of her (delete pics, change ur phone number, block emails...etc) once you are free and clear of all ties from her. Bottom line...cut off ALL communication from her.

You are doing good at your job, and it's going really well, so take that as a positive. Best way to handle it is to keep yourself very busy, whether it be working extra hours, or doing certs on the side to gain some ground in your professional life. That's what I did while I dated for a while, finished up my degree, works on certifications in my spare time, and enjoyed some piece and quiet for a while.

And like Turgon and many others here, I met my husband thru an online dating site, been together for almost 3 years now.

Turgon

kiki162 wrote: »

You'll be ok, it's sad that she didn't speak up earlier, but hey it's her loss and not yours so remember that. I've been there and done that with a long term relationship, while working in IT, so I know a thing or too about it.

First thing is your now ex probably wasn't on the same path as you, which was probably why she was unhappy. More than likely, you want someone that has there "stuff" together, like a career, finances in order, has goals, etc..etc. Reminding yourself about all the little things that you didn't like about your ex...will help you to move past it.

Coming from a female perspective...and I'll keep in short...you have plenty of time to find the right one...and she was not the right one. I would remove/delete everything that reminds you of her (delete pics, change ur phone number, block emails...etc) once you are free and clear of all ties from her. Bottom line...cut off ALL communication from her.

You are doing good at your job, and it's going really well, so take that as a positive. Best way to handle it is to keep yourself very busy, whether it be working extra hours, or doing certs on the side to gain some ground in your professional life. That's what I did while I dated for a while, finished up my degree, works on certifications in my spare time, and enjoyed some piece and quiet for a while.

And like Turgon and many others here, I met my husband thru an online dating site, been together for almost 3 years now.

Some good advice I think. There are many men and women out there. When things dont work out, it can be very difficult personally for some time, but stay as positive as you can. The sun rises and life takes you to new horizons. What you had to offer hasn't been lost and there is much more to come!

Enjoy the freetime, and the company of new women when you feel ready.

RouteThisWay

Thanks for all of the support. I really appreciate it guys/gals!

I am moving into my new apt on Saturday morning!! Just got back from furniture shopping.. bought a new black leather sofa I have been wanting for months but my ex didn't like leather, a new coffee table/2 end tables set, a queen mattress/box spring and sleigh bed, new tv stand, and some other odds and ends. Pretty excited

Outside of that work, is going well. Installed 3 new IBM servers which will be our new ESXi hosts, and also got our new 4TB IBM SAN up and running. Going to carve out some LUNs tomorrow, and start migrating our current VMs to the new infrastructure, setup VEEAM on Friday and get our last physical boxes P2Vd. Very excited and loving work right now.

Started going to the gym again- forgot how awesome it was. I can't go in the evening due to the crowd. Before work- nice and dead. No waiting I have lost almost 60 lbs since October just mountain biking.. so, this will help a ton.

All in all, things are going well.

MickQ

cyberguypr wrote: »

I met my wife on a chat room back in 1999... Also know several normal happy couple product of dating sites.

/me sticks hand up. We're not married, yet. We met back then, saw others and remained friends, eventually realised that we're a really good team.

It's good to hear that you're really enjoying the break and getting down into work. Things seem to be picking up for you!


Edit: That would be me and my girlfriend, not me and cyberguypr.

RouteThisWay

MickQ wrote: »

Edit: That would be me and my girlfriend, not me and cyberguypr.

I was going to offer to send you guys a gift basket

bertieb

RouteThisWay wrote: »

I have lost almost 60 lbs since October just mountain biking.. so, this will help a ton.

That is also a great achievement, well done indeed! Hope things remain positive and keep getting better