My cover letter, help

x_Danny_xx_Danny_x Posts: 312Member
Im trying to make it more worthy of a entry positiong for a System Administrator. Do I am having problems doing that. I mention I got my Masters in Computer Science but that was based in Programming so I took it out. I the paragraph of My favorite project work, Im trying to change it to something I did related to being an System Adminstrator. I was employed as an Help Desk intern though I kind of helped the System Adminstrators with servers a little.

any suggestions? any kind of help overall about the cover letter would be appreciated.


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently seeking an entry level position as a System Administrator of a Windows based system. In my enrollement with New Horizons Computer Learning Center,I accomplished becoming A+, Network+, and MCSA certified and currently pursuing to become CCNA certified.

I have been employed by Emory University for the Pediatric Department as a Help Desk intern. I assisted employees and troubleshooted computers, printers, cables, and computer components. My time at Emory University has proven exciting, hectic, enlightening and stressful, and I've absolutely loved it. It allowed me to develop skills in system administration, computer systems, and troubleshoot hardware and software problems for end users.

I am an enthusiastic team player and enjoy the challenge of coaxing small groups to collaborate productively and efficiently. At university I demonstrated strong leadership and communication skills as President of C-STEP(Collegiate Science and Technology Entry Program). In addition I served as an officer for several other organizations as detailed in my resume such as S.H.P.E (Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers)
.

My favorite project work involved the creation of a user-friendly graphical user interface for components of a Web-based intelligent system for e-publishing and e-management. My contribution enabled the end user to maintain and update a web page with more ease. In separate group-based project work I wrote a cookie-creating program in CGI Perl script and a reflexive agent in PHP on an APACHE Server.

My resume is enclosed for your review and references are available upon request. I look forward to discussing my qualifications in person and am most easily contacted through email

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.


Sincerely,



X_Danny_X
There There, Its okay to feel GUILTY...........There is no SIN in PLEASURE!

Comments

  • NPA24NPA24 Posts: 588Member ■■□□□□□□□□
    That cover letter sounds pretty solid. Just some advice from my experience, always try to make your cover letters more in line with what the position is for and for what company. So make sure each cover letter is unique to each company you give them too. In the end you will be glad that you did because it does make a difference.
  • x_Danny_xx_Danny_x Posts: 312Member
    yeah, that is why Im thinking of removing the "My favorite Project" paragraph. Im trying to replace it with what I did while I was employed at Emory but I couldnt find anything as big to replace it. I only stayed at Emory slightly more than 4 months
    There There, Its okay to feel GUILTY...........There is no SIN in PLEASURE!
  • x_Danny_xx_Danny_x Posts: 312Member
    I made a new version that is more direct to becoming System Administrator

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am currently seeking an entry level position as a System Administrator of a Windows based system. I recently received certification as a Microsoft Certified System Administrator (MCSA) through New Horizons Computer Learning Center as well as Network+ and A+. I am currently pursuing certification in CCNA.

    I have been employed by Emory University for the Pediatric Department as a Help Desk intern. I assisted employees and troubleshooted computers, printers, cables, and computer components. My time at Emory University proved exciting, hectic, enlightening and stressful, and absolutely loved it. It allowed me to develop skills in system administration, computer systems, and troubleshooting hardware and software problems for end users.

    I am an enthusiastic team player and enjoy the challenge of coaxing small groups to collaborate productively and efficiently. At university, I served as an officer for several organizations such as S.H.P.E (Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers) as detailed in my resume. My fluency in Spanish makes me an especially versatile communicator.

    My resume is enclosed for your review and references are available upon request. I look forward to discussing my qualifications in person and am most easily contacted through email.

    Thank you for your consideration in this matter.


    Sincerely,


    X_Danny_X
    There There, Its okay to feel GUILTY...........There is no SIN in PLEASURE!
  • fonduefondue Posts: 104Member
    x_Danny_x wrote:
    I mention I got my Masters in Computer Science but that was based in Programming so I took it out.

    I would leave the Master credentials in. Why not just pursue a CS development or engineering job? The hours are better and you get to blame everything on hardware.

    I would change the "troubleshooted" sentence to something like, "There I provided employees with technical support of computers, printers..."
  • x_Danny_xx_Danny_x Posts: 312Member
    will do about that sentence! thanks,

    I explain my life story about Programming. I dont like it and I hate it big time. I did it because everyone was doing it and because all the good money I heard of being a programmer.

    I trying to repair those mistakes. It cost me a few years
    There There, Its okay to feel GUILTY...........There is no SIN in PLEASURE!
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