Programming jokes

Master Of PuppetsMaster Of Puppets Posts: 1,210Member
I just saw this one and absolutely loved it :

"What is the object oriented way of getting rich? - Inheritance".

There is a thread about networking jokes so I was wondering if you guys know some good ones about programming?
Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

Comments

  • paul78paul78 Posts: 3,016Member ■■■■■■■■■■
    Unfortunately, it may be a very short thread. There are only 10 programming jokes in the world. One of them is funny, the other is not. icon_twisted.gif
  • TechGuy215TechGuy215 CISSP, CEH, CHFI, CCNA: R&S, CCNA: Security, ITIL-F, LPIC-1, A+, Network+, Security+, Linux+, Projec Philadelphia, PAPosts: 404Member ■■■■□□□□□□
    Programming is like sex because...

    • One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
    • Once you get started, you'll only stop because you're exhausted.
    • It takes another experienced person to really appreciate what you're doing.
    • ...Conversely, there's some odd people who pride themselves on their lack of experience.
    • You can do it for money or for fun.
    • If you spend more time doing it than watching TV, people think you're some kind of freak.
    • It's not really an appropriate topic for dinner conversation.
    • Public schools don't do a very good job teaching kids about it.
    • It doesn't make any sense at all if you try to explain it in strictly clinical terms.
    • Some people are just naturally good at it.
    • ...But some people will never realize how bad they are, and you're wasting your time trying to tell them.
    • There are a few weirdos with bizarre practices nobody really is comfortable with.
    • One little thing going wrong can ruin everything.
    • It's a great way to spend a lunch break.
    • Everyone acts like they're the first person to come up with a new technique.
    • Everyone who's done it pokes fun at those who haven't.
    • Beginners do a lot of clumsy fumbling about.
    • You'll miss it if it's been a while since you've done it.
    • There's always someone willing to write about the only right way to do things.
    • It doesn't go so well when you're drunk, but you're more likely to do it.
    • Sometimes it's fun to use expensive toys.
    • It usually goes faster when you do it alone.
    • When women hear guys bragging about it, they become disgusted.
    • If you're not careful about how you do it, all sorts of nasty bugs can appear.
    • ...And debugging is annoying, painful, and very embarrassing.
    * Currently pursuing: PhD: Information Security and Information Assurance
    * Certifications: CISSP, CEH, CHFI, CCNA:Sec, CCNA:R&S, CWNA, ITILv3, VCA-DCV, LPIC-1, A+, Network+, Security+, Linux+, Project+, and many more...
    * Degrees: MSc: Cybersecurity and Information Assurance; BSc: Information Technology - Security; AAS: IT Network Systems Administration
  • NovaHaxNovaHax Posts: 502Member ■■■■□□□□□□
    Two strings walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, "What'll it be?".

    The first string says, "I'll have a gin and tonic#MV*()>SDk+!^ &@P&;]JEASegmentation Fault".

    The second string says, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."
  • NovaHaxNovaHax Posts: 502Member ■■■■□□□□□□
    paul78 wrote: »
    Unfortunately, it may be a very short thread. There are only 10 programming jokes in the world. One of them is funny, the other is not. icon_twisted.gif

    Ha, lol...i see what you did there
  • JasminLandryJasminLandry Posts: 601Member
    One that I saw on LinkedIn earlier this week: Why do Java programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#

  • Master Of PuppetsMaster Of Puppets Posts: 1,210Member
    Good stuff :D

    What does C++ say to C? - You have no class..
    Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.
  • ccnxjrccnxjr Posts: 304Member
    99 bugs in the code in production,
    99 bugs in the code!
    Patch 1 down ,
    commit it all 'round
    115 bugs in the code in production!
  • Snow.brosSnow.bros Posts: 832Member ■■■■□□□□□□
    TechGuy215 wrote: »
    Programming is like sex because...

    • One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
    • Once you get started, you'll only stop because you're exhausted.
    • It takes another experienced person to really appreciate what you're doing.
    • ...Conversely, there's some odd people who pride themselves on their lack of experience.
    • You can do it for money or for fun.
    • If you spend more time doing it than watching TV, people think you're some kind of freak.
    • It's not really an appropriate topic for dinner conversation.
    • Public schools don't do a very good job teaching kids about it.
    • It doesn't make any sense at all if you try to explain it in strictly clinical terms.
    • Some people are just naturally good at it.
    • ...But some people will never realize how bad they are, and you're wasting your time trying to tell them.
    • There are a few weirdos with bizarre practices nobody really is comfortable with.
    • One little thing going wrong can ruin everything.
    • It's a great way to spend a lunch break.
    • Everyone acts like they're the first person to come up with a new technique.
    • Everyone who's done it pokes fun at those who haven't.
    • Beginners do a lot of clumsy fumbling about.
    • You'll miss it if it's been a while since you've done it.
    • There's always someone willing to write about the only right way to do things.
    • It doesn't go so well when you're drunk, but you're more likely to do it.
    • Sometimes it's fun to use expensive toys.
    • It usually goes faster when you do it alone.
    • When women hear guys bragging about it, they become disgusted.
    • If you're not careful about how you do it, all sorts of nasty bugs can appear.
    • ...And debugging is annoying, painful, and very embarrassing.
    NovaHax wrote: »
    Two strings walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, "What'll it be?".

    The first string says, "I'll have a gin and tonic#MV*()>SDk+!^ &@P&;]JEASegmentation Fault".

    The second string says, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."

    LOL good one that got me!!!
  • Disgruntled3lfDisgruntled3lf A+, Net+, Sec+, CCNA, CCNA Security, Linux+, CDIA, Project+, LPIC-1, GCIH, GIAC Advisory Board, WGU Posts: 77Member ■■■□□□□□□□
    Visual Basic...
  • down77down77 Posts: 1,009Member
    A guy walks in to a head hunter's shop and sees brains for sale. There are bins with Helpdesk brains for $4.99/lb, System Admin brains for $12.99/lb, Network Engineer brains for $19.99/lb, and Programmer brains for $1200/lb. Being curious the guy asks the head hunter why Helpdesk, Admin, and Engineer brains are so much cheaper than the Programmer brains. With a smile the head hunter replies, "Do you know how many programmers we have to go through to collect 1lb of brains!"

    Thank you, I'm here all week icon_smile.gif
    CCIE Sec: Starting Nov 11
  • Disgruntled3lfDisgruntled3lf A+, Net+, Sec+, CCNA, CCNA Security, Linux+, CDIA, Project+, LPIC-1, GCIH, GIAC Advisory Board, WGU Posts: 77Member ■■■□□□□□□□
  • The TechnomancerThe Technomancer Posts: 96Member ■■□□□□□□□□
    To truly understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
    Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
  • XcluzivXcluziv Posts: 513Member

    HA!!! Good one...LOL!!!!
    LINKED | GTECH | NOTHINGBUTSHAREPOINT - BLOG AUTHOR

    "TRY NOT. DO. OR DO NOT. THERE IS NO TRY" - Yoda

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