The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends
to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. *** can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot
yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)
Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but
brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,
O and U (What the *!!*???)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That
would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
You can get by with either. The snow packs down and you slide. A friend in high school got an F150 for $100 (that he painted street-sign yellow with the actual paint they use for the street signs), and that made for some interesting times. There is no concern for a $100 vehicle. At one point he lost fifth and reverse, but they miraculously came back a couple of weeks later
You guys clearly haven't experienced the joy of a manual transmission and parking brake in an empty, snowy parking lot
About ten years ago I took my brand new 1998 Z28 Camaro (manual 6spd) to the snow for a snowboarding trip. I had to stop about 60 miles from our destination. I did not however let that prevent me from having a good time. I was able to make it to an empty parking where I revved the 350 horse power, rear wheel drive car to about 6k RPM's and released the clutch. The wheel was completely turned. We didn't stop spinning for a long time.
Comments
homeslicejr.mybrute.com
"Hey, can you guys help me, my mouse won't move."
*pause*
"I mean, my mouse moves, but not on the screen."
http://jasonereid.blogspot.com/
toasted balls?
That was freakin hilarious.
YouTube - Barney Censored
YouTube - Kermit and Elmo Censored
YouTube - Bert Sings About His *****
YouTube - sesame street censored
Hi-5 for me...
That is all....
CCNA | CCNA:Security | CCNP | CCIP
JNCIA:JUNOS | JNCIA:EX | JNCIS:ENT | JNCIS:SEC
JNCIS:SP | JNCIP:SP
Stupid Australians getting me all excited... No high-five for you
+1
It feels like a Friday too... Long week
Stop agreeing with dynamik..... it's giving him a big[edit:bigger]head......
Happy Friday.....it's a been a long week for me as well guys.... hence I'm glad the 'always way too short, but much loved' weekend is on our doorstep!
CCNA | CCNA:Security | CCNP | CCIP
JNCIA:JUNOS | JNCIA:EX | JNCIS:ENT | JNCIS:SEC
JNCIS:SP | JNCIP:SP
ROFLMAO!!! What a great one for Friday arvo
Oh dear..
Some are piss funny, others are obviously faked, but good for a laugh
Facebook Fail Blog - Funny Profiles, Photos, Status Updates, Comments, Groups, and Pages
Don't get so upset...it's just ones and zeros.
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends
to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. *** can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot
yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)
Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but
brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,
O and U (What the *!!*???)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That
would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
discrete advertising?
Wait thats not fun.
It looks fun to me, but then again, I love winter...
70-620 - Done
70-647 - In Progress
70-649 - Soon.
Bob's Big List of Disclaimers
Don't get so upset...it's just ones and zeros.
I just scanned through it quick, and somehow #168 caught my eye...
Thats all bad....
"TRY NOT. DO. OR DO NOT. THERE IS NO TRY" - Yoda
I think you mean icy parking lots.
WRX with snow tires. Fun year around and can run circles around most other vehicles on the roads in rough conditions
You can get by with either. The snow packs down and you slide. A friend in high school got an F150 for $100 (that he painted street-sign yellow with the actual paint they use for the street signs), and that made for some interesting times. There is no concern for a $100 vehicle. At one point he lost fifth and reverse, but they miraculously came back a couple of weeks later
Man in a Chicken suit plays "What is Love" on Pianica on Vimeo
Forum Admin at www.techexams.net
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Twitter: www.twitter.com/jdmurray
About ten years ago I took my brand new 1998 Z28 Camaro (manual 6spd) to the snow for a snowboarding trip. I had to stop about 60 miles from our destination. I did not however let that prevent me from having a good time. I was able to make it to an empty parking where I revved the 350 horse power, rear wheel drive car to about 6k RPM's and released the clutch. The wheel was completely turned. We didn't stop spinning for a long time.